Christmas films are a difficult thing to get right. There are so many elements that viewers expect and boxes that need to be ticked: the pessimistic main character in need of some good cheer, the lights, the colors, the happy ending where the protagonist learns the meaning of Christmas.
There is a balance that needs to be struck between giving fans what they want and still finding a way to be original in order to stand out amongst the hundreds of made-for-TV and Netflix original Christmas movies that come out every year. Some films accomplish this and go on to be revered as classics, while others get lost in the noise and fade away. However, others just miss the mark entirely, proving to be the least cheerful Christmas films ever made.
All Is Bright
Two ex-convicts set out on a road to redemption by opening up a Christmas tree farm in a run-down neighborhood in desperate need of some Christmas cheer. With a premise like that, and a stacked cast rounded out by Paul Rudd, Paul Giamatti, and Sally Hawkins, this film has an amazing formula for a mature, uplifting Christmas film.
However, what is ultimately delivered is a slow film that is certainly not amongst Paul Rudd's greatest movies. The cynicism would be justified if the protagonists learned something by the end of the film, but unfortunately, that never happens.
Christmas With The Kranks
The basic idea behind this film is relatable enough: a family living in a Christmas-obsessed neighborhood decides to skip the rigmarole of the local HOA-mandated holiday festivities and retreat to the tropics.
Well, in another universe (or maybe just with a different editor), Christmas With the Kranks could be remarketed as a horror movie. Tim Allen and Jaime Lee Curtis do their best, but ultimately this film fails to have a cohesive message. All it does is just remind the audience that there is no such thing as escaping Christmas.
Saving Christmas
Having a touch of theocracy is to be expected in Christmas films. Some filmmakers choose to eschew religion entirely in favor of some more universal humanistic themes, but Saving Christmas goes in the other direction completely. Starring Kirk Cameron as Kirk Cameron, Saving Christmas is notorious for its heavy-handed messaging.
The film begins with Kirk Cameron monologuing about the "true meaning" of Christmas before setting out on a crusade to reclaim Christmas from thieving atheists. No one will argue the religious significance of Christmas day, but there is a way to respectfully weave religion into a movie, and Saving Christmas missed that memo entirely.
Deck The Halls
Neighbors feuding over Christmas decorations is a trope that has been an element of Christmas films for decades. However, most filmmakers are wise enough to let it be just that: a subplot. Deck The Halls takes a different approach and stretches the concept into an entire film. The film tries to channel other classics such as National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation but fails to deliver anything near as iconic as Clark Griswold's best quotes.
The rivalry between the main characters in this film is just mean-spirited, and then it just abruptly ends when their wives justifiably up and leave them, forcing them to settle their differences and come to some kind of understanding. By then, however, the lessons seem ham-fisted and contrived.
Christmas Vacation 2
Another film that tried to emulate Christmas Vacation and failed is Christmas Vacation 2, a flick that put Cousin Eddie center stage. Released almost 15 years after the original, Christmas Vacation 2 sees Cousin Eddie fired from his job at a nuclear power plant after losing an intelligence test to a chimpanzee.
In an attempt to convince Cousin Eddie not to sue for wrongful termination, the CEOs send him and his family on a vacation to the South Pacific. Long story short, the family finds themselves stranded on an island during Christmas. This movie is impossible to summarize because there are so many layers of absurdity to unpack, but, in the end, it fails to deliver the charm that made the original National Lampoon films so beloved.
Home Alone 3
Home Alone and its sequel, Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, are holiday classics. In fact, viewers still debate which Home Alone film is better. Home Alone 3 tried to expand upon the Home Alone formula with some strange new ideas, but none of them really work, ultimately giving fans a disappointing film that failed to capitalize on its predecessors.
Rather than two bungling burglars, Home Alone 3 sets up a villain group of international terrorists and their plans to retrieve a missile guidance chip from the clutches of young Alex. From this point on, it's another Home Alone movie, just lacking the charms of Macaulay Culkin, Daniel Stern, and Joe Pesci.
The Nutcracker In 3D
The Nutcracker in 3D was met with a heap of criticism upon its release in 2013, and the experimental 3D film currently holds a score of 0% on Rotten Tomatoes.
One should not bother looking for any similarities to the classic ballet of the same name. John Turturro plays a rat with a striking resemblance to a Nazi, leading a rebellion against the Nutcracker kingdom. It's one of those movies that may have anthropological value down the road, but as it stands, The Nutcracker in 3D remains the most controversial reimagining of the Tchaikovsky classic.
Santa Claus (1959)
1959's Santa Claus was made by a Mexican director, and as it is a foreign take on the myth, it is perfectly reasonable to expect some differences from typical Hollywood portrayals of Santa Claus. However, Santa Claus and its unexpected plot take some effort to properly explain.
Lucifer instructs one of his demons to infiltrate Santa's space station and kill him, which will cause the children of earth to become naughty, and eventually result in more adults destined for hell. Between that, and Santa's army of little helpers made up of child servants, this film doesn't just take creative liberties with the Santa Claus myth, it creates an entirely new one that is less-than-cheerful.
Surviving Christmas
In Surviving Chrismas, Ben Affleck plays a wealthy man who pays James Gandolfini to pretend to be his dad over the holidays. A depressing and awkward premise for a film that doesn't go out of its way to be much more than that.
Billed as a romantic comedy, there isn't really much comedy or romance in the film. The main characters become more and more spiteful of each other as the film goes on, before pulling a Deck the Halls style reset and becoming fast friends in the last 5 minutes.
A Christmas Story 2
It's hard to think of any film more synonymous with Christmas. A Christmas Story is packed with iconic moments and is a mandatory watch for millions of families every Christmas eve. The film is an institution in its own right.
The iconic status of the original A Christmas Story is what makes its sequel so baffling. Released 30 years after the original, A Christmas Story 2 introduces the audience to a teenage Ralphie, who must raise money and pay a local car dealer for a convertible he accidentally wrecked on the lot. There's a different setup but ultimately it's the same film over again. A Christmas Story 2 stands firmly in its predecessor's shadow and inspires more confusion than cheer.