The League: Rafi’s 10 Hilarious Quotes That Show How Crazy He Is

FXX's The League was an incredible show that managed to get non-football fans to watch a comedy about a fantasy football league comprised of hilarious but often times awful friends. The show ran for seven seasons and featured a few names whose stars continue to rise in Hollywood, like Nick Kroll who created Netflix's animated hit Big Mouth, or Mark Duplass, who has starred in, written, produced, and directed a number of critically acclaimed films since his time with The League.

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However, fans will always remember The League as one of the first places they first saw Jason Mantzoukas' Rafi, who brought a manic hilarity to the show that provided a number of memorable quotes from the character, affectionately called "Rafi Bombs" by fans. Today we are going to take a look at 10 Rafi Bombs, ranging from comedic to crazy, that live on after The League.

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10 “I am day drunk. Get ready to see my d***.”

In the third season premiere "The Lockout," Rafi is joined by business partner Dirty Randy (Seth Rogen) as the League attempts to come up with a suitable Sacko punishment for Andre (Paul Scheer), which is rewarded to the final place member from the previous season.

Rafi arrives on the scene in one of his best introductions that showcases his cavalier attitude to full frontal male nudity and daytime inebriation. This quote marks just one of many times Rafi attempts to show his junk to the rest of the League, or the general public, or really, anyone within view.

9 “Pocket dogs. I always got a hot dog in my pocket.”

A long-running gag on the show is Rafi's affinity for hot dogs, and the odd places he's both found eating them or hiding them for quick consumption. While Rafi pulls dogs out of nowhere for a few seasons, he reveals his love of pocket dogs in the fifth season opener "The Bachelor Draft."

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During a discussion with his brother-in-law Ruxin, Rafi pulls out a hot dog from his pocket, forcing Ruxin to ask the question he probably doesn't want to be answered. Rafi, always the gentleman, immediately offers Ruxin a pocket dog of his own.

8 “Buddy, I don’t know who you are, but you’re about to get chlamydia.”

As the fourth season neared its end, the eleventh episode prepared for the end of the world on "12.12.12" by throwing a party at Andre's new place, which was decorated by his new girlfriend Trixie (Jayma Mays), who is later revealed to be allergic to Andre's... bodily fluids.

Of course, the real action of the episode occurs in Andre's old loft, where Rafi and Dirty Randy are filming an end of the world porno when legendary sports star Deion Sanders arrives to check out his recently purchased loft. Dirty Randy is inspired to get back into adult film acting when Sanders arrives, eliciting Rafi's friendly but dire warning.

7 “Words are bulls***. They’re just useless sounds that we make with our stupid mouths.”

Never has Rafi spoken such words of wisdom as in the third season finale "The Funeral," which was a two-parter episode that featured Ruxin's stroke after he learns of Pete's (Mark Duplass) plans to send him to the Sacko. When Rafi learns that Ruxin's will grants control of his fantasy team to Andre, Rafi explodes on Andre and pulls a knife, though to be fair, he gives Andre one as well.

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Andre is a bit perplexed by Rafi's behavior and asks him to use his words to explain his feelings of being left out by Ruxin, and Rafi delivers what may be one of his most oft-used quote, which might be because it's also his least offensive.

6 "Come on in. Go between my legs."

Rafi's relationship with his brother-in-law Ruxin is an interesting one, but never let it be said that Rafi isn't afraid of sharing personal space with his family members. During yet another unannounced appearance of Rafi in Ruxin's bathroom, which occurs frequently across the series, Rafi invites his brother-in-law to use the toilet while he is sitting on it.

Rafi is clearly always happy to help his family, as he next offers to let Ruxin climb on and "double drop the deuce," which thankfully did not happen. Just remember Rafi's tactics the next time there's a lineup for the bathroom.

5 "Dude, my sister's body is bonkers! I hope you are hitting that."

Rafi's relationship with his sister Sofia (Nadine Velazquez) offers a number of comedic moments to the show, with the fourth episode of season four, "The Breastalyzer," taking it to another level of cringe. While at Ruxin's, Rafi remarks how he could watch his sister walk away for hours, and then makes sure that Ruxin is indeed having sex with his attractive sister.

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It's an odd stance for a brother to take regarding his sister but seems perfectly normal for someone like Rafi. This episode also features a few great Rafi lines as he teaches Geoffrey how to "swim, swim, stab" and awkwardly hits on the swimming instructor.


It may seem odd for Rafi to use the name of 1997's Ethan Hawke-led futuristic sci-fi film Gattaca as a war cry, but then again, it fits perfectly with his personality. The first appearance of Rafi in the third season came in the third episode "The Freeze Out," and introduced the character during a game of paintball with Taco (Jon Lajoie) and Pete.

Rafi immediately takes things too far, and throughout the game consistently screams "Gattaca" before diving into simulated battle. Throughout the game, he also reveals he had been living at the paintball course to learn the lay of the land, showing his dedication to paintball, or outdoor living, or Gattaca?

3 "Bump stuff with me. Chicks dig it when dudes kiss and bump stuff."

Rafi's dating methods have always been questionable at best, and illegal at worst, but his comfortability with his sexuality was a defining and uncharacteristically progressive part of his character. During the League's trip to Las Vegas, Rafi made his first appearance on the show in "Bro-Lo El Cuñado."

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Rafi and the rest of the League are in the club when Rafi reveals his go-to move on the dance floor. The behind-the-scenes story of the filming of these episodes, which include a hospital trip due to an egg allergy for Mantzoukas and resulted in him filming this hilarious quote while hopped up on hospital medication.

2 "I'll eat it off of you, that's the most efficient delivery system."

In the 9th episode of season four, "Bro-Lo El Cordero," the members of the League turn to Rafi for advice to settle a trade dispute between Andre and Kevin (Stephen Rannazzisi), which immediately seems like a bad idea given Rafi's questionable track record at this point in the series. But to everyone's surprise, he finds a way to settle things with an underground Lucha Libre wrestling match.

After yelling a cavalcade of great Rafi quotes as Andre and Kevin wrestle, Rafi decides to enter the ring himself, though quickly falls due to a low-sugar episode. The only sugar available to stop his crash happens to be a pair of edible underwear Jenny (Katie Aselton) is wearing. "Even through the high-fructose corn syrup, I can still taste the Jenny."

1 "Sometimes when I puke I s***."

Following Rafi's first appearance on The League that we previously discussed in "Bro-Lo El Cuñado," Rafi arrives drunk at Ruxin's following his "Terrific Lady Day" with Sophia. Rafi crashes their bedroom and ruins Ruxin's plans for a romantic evening with his wife, and kicks off a long-con of a joke when Rafi begins to feel sick in the bedroom.

Rafi reveals to Ruxin that when he vomits he also loses control of his bowels, but it isn't until later in the fourth season finale "The Curse of Shiva" that we learn a little bit more about Rafi's habits. When the League hears the infamous "Brown Note," a frequency that causes anyone who hears it to defecate, Rafi hilariously furthers his earlier revelation with "sometimes when I s*** I c**."

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