The hilarious Kumail Nanjiani rose to fame playing the nerdy, awkward, and self-involved programmer Dinesh in the HBO series Silicon Valley, which will air its sixth and final season this October. But it was his romantic comedy film The Big Sick, which he both wrote and starred in, that really put him on the map as a serious actor and writer.
Also a stand-up comedian, the 41-year-old hails from Pakistan, and often references his race and upbringing in his comedy work.
Named one of the World's 100 Most Influential Individuals by Time magazine in 2018, Nanjiani speaks both candidly about topics like racism, as well as hilariously about life.
Here are 10 of his funniest quotes that will have you crying from laughter.
Who Knows What They’re Doing?
“Nobody really knows what they’re doing. Some are just better at pretending like they do.”
Who really knows what they’re doing in life? It’s a somewhat philosophical statement but still has to make you laugh because of the absurd truth of it. As long as you are confident in what you’re doing and feel good about it, perhaps you’re doing the right thing and are good at what you do. Those who pretend they know what they're doing appear to be the experts. But are they?
Nanjiani certainly knows what he’s doing when it comes to acting, writing, and comedy. But maybe he has just been winging it this whole time, which makes him even more relatable.
What is America?
“I thought, from watching TV and stuff, that America was one place. They only show you L.A. and New York. They don’t warn you about Iowa.”
Born in Karachi, Pakistan, Nanjiani moved to the US when he was 18 to attend Grinnell College in Iowa. It’s hilarious to think that he expected to see a scene like he sees in the movies, from backdrops of Los Angeles or New York. Instead, he was introduced to Iowa, a Midwestern state with different values and cultures than you might find in a more diverse state like New York or California.
Hence his comment, They don’t warn you about Iowa” on TV; he thought America was all about glitz, glamour, and diversity.
Pop Culture Expert
“I grew up watching ‘Ghostbusters’ and ‘Knight Rider’ and Hot Wheels commercials. When I got to college, having never set foot in America, I knew more American pop-culture references than my friends did.”
Kids today, as they say. Most have no idea what classic films like The Goonies and Ghostbusters are (at least not until they became popular again thanks to references in modern series like Netflix’s Stranger Things), and have never seen Knight Rider. Because Nanjiani grew up in Pakistan where these were the most current American TV programs he could access, he became familiar with them.
It’s hilarious to picture Nanjiani, the foreign student, attending college in Iowa and knowing more about past American pop culture references than those who actually grew up in the US.
Be Humble
“Wikipedia is kind of weird. I feel it’s lame to put up my own page, but I desperately want someone else to do it.”
You have to be famous enough for someone to create a Wikipedia page for you, or have the gumption to go ahead and create one for yourself. While Nanjiani admitted in this quote that he would never make one for himself, he secretly hoped someone, a big fan perhaps, would take the time to do it for him.
For the record, Nanjiani indeed does have a detailed Wikipedia page today, outlining his professional career and personal life
Just Know Words
“I never really got into game shows. The easiest one is ‘Wheel of Fortune’ because you just have to know words, and for the most part, everyone knows words.”
You probably never thought of Wheel of Fortune this way, but Nanjiani hilariously points out that, while with other game shows require you to know answers to specific trivia questions, all you need to know with Wheel of Fortune is how to spell words.
And who doesn’t know words? If you can string them together to form a sentence, and know how to spell them, you should be able to ace the game.
Meat-Flavored Roll-Up
“I love, love, love the street-cart food. Gyros are like a meat-flavored fruit roll-up. A meat roll-up.”
It’s a strange yet oddly accurate description of this Greek food, which can sometimes have a bit of sweetness to it. Street-cart food, often found in cities in the US like New York, has clearly won the favor of Nanjiani.
A meat roll-up is certainly a funny way to describe them. What might he call a burrito, we wonder?
Quiet Day At Home
“I stay home. It’s the best place to be alone. There is hardly any walk-through traffic.”
Going out in a busy city like L.A. or New York means dealing with lots of traffic, both in terms of cars as well as pedestrians. So it’s no wonder Nanjiani prefers to stay in, funnily noting that there’s hardly any traffic there.
Nanjiani lives with his wife Emily V. Gordon, an author, comedy producer, and former couples and family therapist. So there is some walk-through traffic at home. But he can manage it.
I Want To Be Famous
“I want to be so famous that I’m the pop-culture reference that people would make to try and be racist to me. So I’d be walking down the street, and someone would be, like, ‘Hey, look at this Kumail Nanjiani."
Wanting to be so famous that people reference a type of person as you —something that might happen with uber-famous celebrities like Cher and Madonna—is a great wish. But wishing to be the face of racism is Nanjiani’s "way" of trying to capitalize on his Shia Muslim upbringing to become next-level famous.
Imagine if someone pointed to every Muslim person and said “what a Kumail Nanjiani” like they might do now by calling every old, Italian man Al Pacino. It's absolutely ridiculous, but Nanjiani is always one to find a silver lining.
We Were Stupid As Kids
“Think about when you were 12 or 13. The stuff I watched was awful! I tried to watch a ‘He-Man’ cartoon recently, and I was like, ‘Oh my God!’ I just had, like, a small brain. I was stupid.”
Nanjiani mocks his taste in cartoons and programming as a child, looking back at any old episode of He-Man. We can probably all relate, looking back at a program we used to watch when we were young and realizing how terrible it was, either in terms of weak storylines, melodramatic performances, or just bubble gum content.
Nanjiani takes it to another level, noting that he must have had a small brain as a child to have watched what he did.
People Ruin Things
“It happens to people. People ruin things they love! I’m sure the guy who played Jar Jar Binks loved ‘Star Wars.’”
In this hilarious example about how people can sometimes ruin the things they love, intentionally or not, Nanjiani references the least-liked character of the Star Wars franchise. He notes that the actor who played Jar Jar Binks probably loved the films and the franchise, but had no idea he was about to ruin it.
The character, ironically enough, was designed to create comic relief. But audiences did not like him, and he has gone down in history as one of the most hated characters ever in film.