The famously and hilariously straight-edge Hank Hill is known for doing nearly absolutely anything to avoid an awkward situation. A man of his word who frowns down on anything his conservative society would deem as weakness, Hank usually comes across unfortunate situations, often as a byproduct of self-suppression. The guy is so repressed, he's gotten a narrow urethra and gets massively constipated from time to time from holding so much tension.
Though the patriarch of King of the Hill is typically civil and determined to do the right things, he also frequently blows up in anger and frustration on his friends and family. His most repeated phrase is "I'm gonna kick your ass," which is said in most episodes. Hank's strange dedication to being the clean-cut everyman is always backfiring due to him simply trying too hard.
Hank Competes Against Bobby in a Dancing Dog Competition
It's no secret that Hank's favorite person in the world is his amicable bloodhound, Ladybird. When his son Bobby decides to enter himself and Connie's dog "Doggie," Hank also finds that he enjoys dancing with Ladybird after she responds to a particular song he likes.
He decides to enter them in the dancing competition. Tensions become high, as Hank, like his wife Peggy, can be overly competitive. Hank grows secretive and obsessed with winning the match. In the end, Bobby ends up winning second place, and Hank returns to dancing alone with Ladybird in his garage, but this time, just for fun.
Hank Accidentally Moons Ann Richards
Hank and the boys go out to Austin to celebrate Bill's birthday. At their hotel, former Texas governor Ann Richards is talking at an event. When Boomhauer, Dale, and Bill tell Hank to live a little and moon everyone from the glass elevator, Hank decides to be a bit adventurous for once, only to be pranked as he's the only one who pulls down his pants, consequently over Ann Richard's event while she's speaking.
Hank turns around in horror to see the politician on the ground staring up at his bare bottom. This later leads to a relationship between Bill and Ann Richards when Bill decides to take the fall for the incident and charms her upon their meeting.
Hank Yells at a CPS Agent
When Bobby gets hit in the face with a baseball resulting in a black eye, rumors are spread that Hank abuses him. Though it's evident to everyone else that Hank has never laid a hand on Bobby, CPS is sent to investigate anyway. Hank finds a lack of dignity in the situation and, feeling wrongly accused, he consequentially blows up on the case manager, which is the last thing anyone should ever do if they're trying to convince someone in that position that they aren't violent.
Luckily for Hank, the case manager's boss decides that the employee handled the case rashly, believing that he harbored a bias against "rednecks"—and removes him from the situation. If the boss had a different light on the case, Hank could have easily caused Bobby to be taken away by CPS.
Hank Gets Hysterical Blindness After Walking in On His Mom Having Sex
It's Christmas time with the family, much to Hank's utter chagrin. His quiet and humble mother Tilly brings home her new boyfriend Gary, who happens to be Jewish. For whatever reason, Hank has his reservations towards the polite and charismatic new beau.
What seems to be straight karma, Hank later accidentally walks in on the elder couple having sex on his dining room table, which literally causes him to go blind. This is later undone when Gary defends Tilly after being berated by Cotton Hill, causing Hank to respect Gary for standing up for his mother's honor.
Hank Believes Kahn was About to Eat Ladybird
Often, we see Hank and the gang blurt out racist comments, whether or not they mean for them to be offensive. After their Laotian neighbors move in and everyone already makes it awkward, Hank tries to keep things civil at the following barbecue. Kahn serves Hank a burger at the family function, which Hank remarks tastes amazing, though he notices that the Souphanousinphone family dog, Doggie, is missing.
Dale suspects that the Souphanousinphones eat dogs. After Ladybird goes missing, Hank accuses the Souphanousinphones of stealing and trying to eat her, which is obviously wrong. Bobby and Connie reveal that they took the dogs out with them.
Hank Blurts Out to Mr. Strickland He Loves Him On Front of Everyone
Hank is notoriously a dedicated propane-salesman at Strickland Propane ("Propane, and propane accessories"), literally obsessed with anything having to do with his work and propane. He even goes to the extent of forcing the family to pray after they cook using charcoal alternatives.
When involving all of his friends and family to help build a house for Habitat for Humanity, Strickland gives Hank a promotion as a manager, prompting Hank to yell "I love you!" in front of everyone, including Hank's own father, Cotton. Consequently, Cotten decides to take this personally and proceeds to wreak havoc, something he does quite often.
Hank Condesends Peggy When Coaching Her Softball Team
Despite Peggy's talent in the sport and the fact that she's basically carrying their entire softball team, Hank underestimates her, nonetheless. He makes calls as a coach that undermines Peggy's strategies and form as she even leaves the team and is also unable to play when not wanting to contradict Hank as a coach and a husband. Here, Hank is at his most stubborn and petty as his control over the team results in Peggy losing her touch when playing.
Hank Tries Teaching Bobby the Birds-and-Bees at a Cow Factory
Not one for talking about sex and relationships, Hank makes a major misstep when attempting to tell Bobby, a curious and oblivious adolescent, the bird-and-the-bees.
Hank is convinced the best way to educate is to show rather than tell, resorting to nature—or rather, a branch in a cow plant where they're bred. Obviously, this backfires when a cow is artificially inseminated and screams, causing Hank to cover Bobby's eyes as they stand in horror.
Hank Makes Bobby Live In a Dog House (Instead of Ladybird)
Growing up entails a lot, including new allergies. Bobby begins to get sick, and a trip to the doctor reveals he's allergic to Ladybird. Hank tries to accommodate at first, building Ladybird a deluxe doghouse called 'Barkingham Palace.' Nonetheless, the old dog is used to living in the house and refuses the doghouse, prompting Hank to suggest maybe Bobby could reside in it, instead.
As any kid would, Bobby agrees to stay in his own little house, enjoying the freedom until the living conditions end up having a major psychological toll and he begins drinking out of the water bowl while only wearing underwear.
Hank Forces Bobby to Smoke a Pile of Cigarettes
In one of the most notorious Hank-and-Bobby moments, when Bobby decides to experiment with smoking, he and his best friend Joseph are caught by Hank. As a punishment, Hank forces Bobby to smoke the entire pack of cigarettes. Bobby gets sick from the effect of the cigarettes, literally turning green, while, when Hank tries showing Bobby how to smoke, he gets addicted to them himself. Hank ends up being a smoker for a brief time after this.