Though it has been a while since The King of Queens was on television screens, it will be quite a long time before anyone forgets Arthur, Doug’s incorrigible father-in-law and bête noire.
The sparring between the two of them was always sure to be a source of hilarity in any given episode and, as he did with his portrayal of George Castanza’s father in Seinfeld, Jerry Stiller manages to always steal the show. Here are ten of his funniest quotes.
“Ah, Paris. I haven't been back there since we liberated her in '44...”
Full quote: “Ah, Paris. I haven't been back there since we liberated her in '44. The City Of Lights knew peace once more. I also got the clap, but that's another story for another time.”
Oh, Arthur, you never know when to not push the envelope, do you? While most people associate war stories with a certain sort of dignity and tales of sacrifice and nobility, Arthur really doesn’t care about that sort of thing, as this quote reveals.
Here, Arthur makes it quite clear that he wasn’t quite the model soldier during his time in Paris. Most brilliantly, he teases the audience, leaving them to ponder just what exactly happened.
“It’s Called Gravity, Douglas, and it’s coming for ya.”
Arthur delivers this line as he is getting out a hot tub, much to Douglas’s chagrin. Of course, Arthur is a shrewd man, but he’s also one who is aware of his own body and of the way that he looks to other people.
However, just because gravity has begun to take a toll on his body, it doesn’t mean that Arthur is not going to give it to Doug, reminding his son-in-law that he will also one day grow old.
“Needless to say…you’re dead to me.”
Arthur is, to put it mildly, blunt when it comes to his feelings. In this case, that extends to telling people when they have gone beyond the pale and are now irredeemable.
Of course, it’s always a little hard to take these kinds of threats seriously. For all of his bluff and often angry demeanor, there is a softcore to Arthur that makes him lovable, even when he’s being a bit of a jerk.
“I thought ironic meant made up entirely of iron.”
It’s hard to know whether to take Arthur seriously with this quote. He is just the kind of person who might mistakenly believe that "ironic" has a relationship with iron.
On the other hand, this is Arthur, so it’s entirely possible that he’s having a bit of a joke at everyone’s expense, possibly even including himself. With Arthur, both explanations are plausible, and that’s a big part of the fun.
“I couldn’t help overhearing your conversation…because I was eavesdropping.”
To Arthur's credit, what you see is what you get. As a rule, he’s not the kind of guy who sneaks around behind other people’s backs.
Rather, Arthur is going to tell someone exactly what he thinks, and he’s not going to mince words. In this case, he’s willing to just come right out and admit that he was eavesdropping, rather than going through the motions of pretending that he wasn’t. Props for honesty.
“Once again I humiliate myself by assuming I’m a member of this family.”
It’s clear throughout the show that, despite how irritating they sometimes find him, both Doug and Carrie really love Arthur and appreciate having him as part of their family. It is also clear that Arthur values them in return.
Naturally, Arthur cannot show that too often nor in any overly demonstrative way, so instead, he likes to give them a hard time, pretending that they make him feel unwelcome. With Stiller’s delivery, though, audiences know they don’t have to take it too seriously.
“Shame on you, Carrie. I’ve pushed tons of people down the stairs, but damn it, I always own up to it.”
Once again, one has to give Arthur a lot of credit for his brutal honesty. Whereas Carrie is more often willing to at least play by the rules, Arthur is more willing to be upfront about the fact that he has done bad things. Bad things like pushing people down the stairs.
While that’s definitely not something anyone should brag about, for what it is worth, Arthur is at least willing to own up to doing it.
“You play the part of lumbering imbecile quite well.”
No one delivers an insult rolled into a compliment quite like Arthur. One could be generous and say that he’s being at least a little nice to Doug by implying that, beneath his rather silly exterior, he is really a brilliant man.
Then again, Arthur probably could have done it without implying that Doug, in fact, is a lumbering imbecile. Either way, it’s a hilarious line, and Jerry Stiller nails the delivery.
“It seems to have reached optimal temperature. Now hit me with a load of Dougie batter.”
Sexual tension is not quite the words one would associate with the relationship between Doug and Arthur, but clearly, Arthur wants to make Doug feel at least a little uncomfortable.
Why else would he go to all of the trouble of making something as seemingly innocuous as waffle batter seem like something dirty? Doug manages to handle it, like he handles so many of Arthur’s ridiculous comments, with aplomb.
“Douglas? It’s Arthur Spooner.”
When Carrie and Doug end up going on vacation without him, Arthur is, to put it mildly, not pleased. So, when he calls Doug, he makes a point of referring to himself by first and last name.
The forced formality is funny in and of itself — especially in the rough way that Stiller delivers the line — but it’s also funny because it shows just how much umbrage Arthur has taken at being left behind.