With the release of IT Chapter Two the epic saga of the Losers Club and their war against the demonic force most commonly referred to as Pennywise has come to it's blockbuster conclusion. And (minor spoiler alert for the information ahead) it's revealed that the dark magic that has been affecting Derry for so long has existed within the literal ground of the land since before history even began.
So, with Derry situated on top of some of the most powerful mystical energy on earth, it seems like it would have helped if the town of Derry had some education in the ways of magic and how to wield it for their own safety and benefit. Namely, it would have really helped if they had their own Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. So, if the Losers Club and the rest of the Derry population had the opportunity to attend Hogwarts, which Hogwarts house would they all have ended up in?
The Shopkeeper - Slytherin
In a little meta wink at the audience members who are big fans of Stephen King's work, IT Chapter Two included a scene of Stephen King playing the shopkeeper in a local thrift store in Derry. The shopkeeper gouges Bill Denbrough when Bill rediscovers his old bike at the store, which goes to show that the shopkeeper is a pretty cunning and clever dude who knows how to play a situation to his advantage. Plus, wearing a face as recognizable as Stephen King's in a little Maine town of all places while still remaining inconspicuous is impressively sneaky for a supposed small town store owner.
Henry Bowers - Slytherin
Students who wind up in Slytherin aren't only bullies or psychopaths, but it does seem like Slytherin is home to a disproportionately high number of bullies and psychopaths. And Henry Bowers has always been an angry and scary person who loves to watch other people suffer.
Henry may have been able to blend right in with the rest of the Slytherin students, and it's not too hard to imagine him as one of Draco Malfoy's henchmen. However, one would hope that a Slytherin education would have allowed Henry to channel more of his negative characteristics in a positive way and get him off the path of total destruction.
Mike Hanlon - Hufflepuff
Mike Hanlon would have undoubtedly been a superstar student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and he likely would have been a school prefect. He is also a man who was far braver than most Gryffindors and much smarter than many Ravenclaws. However, the house that suits him best is Hufflepuff. The values of Hufflepuff are a happy and peaceful home, loyalty and friendship, and a commitment to justice and fair play. That describes Mike Hanlon to a T. Hufflepuffs are often the unsung heroes of Hogwarts, but a student like Mike would have given Helga's house the opportunity to shine.
Ben Hascom - Ravenclaw
Like everyone else in the Losers Club outside of Mike, Ben Hanscom returns to Derry 27 years after their original fight against Pennywise playing catch up. He's trying to figure out the situation when he's already behind the curve, but he seems to be able to inherently understand and think through what needs to be done in order to effectively battle It as well as keep as many people safe as possible. Plus, it seems like Ben is a very accomplished superstar in his regular life and has coped with his childhood trauma the best out of everyone, which shows there's a big brain to go along with his big heart.
Stanley Uris - Hufflepuff
Honestly, if someone like Stanley Uris wound up at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry it'd be pretty ironic, because Stanley is the kind of person who would rather not be involved in the world of magic at all.
Stanley was forced into the situation with It when he was a child and he is not able to cope with being dragged back into it as an adult. He's a good person and a loyal friend which makes him a good fit for Hufflepuff anyway, but it would have also been a good match because it would allow him to explore magic without any pressure to be the hero, genius, or villain.
Eddie Kaspbrak - Ravenclaw
Eddie Kaspbrak is yet another member of the Losers Club who was essentially conscripted into the fight against Pennywise just by virtue of who his friends were, and while he is a morally decent person he has never had a moral compulsion great enough to drive him to actually go on the offense against Pennywise. He knows that it's a fight that needs to be fought, but he doesn't want to be the one to square up. However, despite his lack of moral commitment, he is an undeniably intelligent person, sometimes to the point of his own detriment. For that reason, he's Ravenclaw.
Richie Tozier - Ravenclaw
Richie Tozier and Eddie Kaspbrak have one of the closest bonds in the entire Losers Club group, and it's easy to understand why. They are both pretty decent people who aren't quite morally righteous enough to want to involve themselves in a potentially deadly battle against a massive force of evil, and their desire to keep themselves safe definitely overrides most of their impulses to do the more dangerous right thing. But Richie is absolutely the most quick-witted member of the Losers Club, so he obviously would have been the rascally class clown of house Ravenclaw at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Bill Denbrough - Gryffindor
Within the Losers Club in IT Chapter Two, Bill Denbrough is pretty much the alternate universe version of Neville Longbottom. He is at his heart a painfully shy and insecure individual, but he has a very strong sense of justice and has a moral backbone that drives him to do things that he would normally never think he's capable of.
And he's not being heroic because he wants to play the hero, his feelings are incredibly genuine and he feels a personal responsibility to be the one at the front of the line to fight. He is the kind of student Godric Gryffindor would have been proud to call his own.
Beverly Marsh - Gryffindor
Out of the entire Losers Club, Beverly Marsh is probably the toughest and bravest of all. It may be because she had the most frightening home life out of anyone, but she is truly made of steel and she is always willing to go up against an enemy that is stronger and more powerful than she is, even if their power seems almost godlike. Every member of the Club contributed something to the group overall, and what Beverly did for the rest of the Losers was give them the strength and courage to do what they were afraid of, and she did that by leading by example.
Pennywise - Slytherin
Pennywise is the purest evil being that the Losers Club had ever and will ever come across, but he is also a pretty complete embodiment of everything that house Slytherin is meant to value and represent. Pennywise looks out for his own interests above all other things, he feels superior to all of the humans around him and enjoys flaunting that, and he uses a lot of wily tricks and cunning maneuvers to trap all of his victims in just the way that he wants them to. Pennywise is honestly probably more Slytherin-like than Salazar Slytherin himself, which is scary.