At this rate, the Indiana Jones franchise could end up being similar to the original Star Trek movies in that half are good and half aren't but this time around, it's the odd-numbered movies that are worthwhile. That being said, it's possible that the upcoming and frequently postponed Indiana Jones 5 could be good - fingers crossed! With that thought lingering, it's time to look at the current latest film in the franchise, the much-uncared for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
It was a humongous box office success upon its initial release, as the world waited literal decades for the return of cinema's most beloved adventurer. But cut to roughly a decade later, and the same audiences are now hesitant to see Harrison Ford don the fedora and whip again. Time was not kind to the Indy's fourth adventure but was Kingdom of the Crystal Skull deserving of its criticism? Absolutely. But it also had its merits, 5 of which are listed here along with 5 more reasons why it's as bad as some remember..
IT'S AWFUL: An Underwhelming Antagonist
Hammy Russian performances in films can be really fun or just cringe-inducing. For every Air Force One, there's a Red Heat or Rounders to meet it.
Disappointingly, Cate Blanchett's performance as Irina Spalko isn't fun or cringe-inducing, it's just uninteresting. It's not completely Blacnhett's fault, though, as the weak writing and forgettable lines were thrown her way didn't do any favors.
IT ISN'T THAT AWFUL: Bringing Back Marion
Marion Ravenwood was the best gal pal in the Indiana Jones franchise. Certainly the most well-developed, badass, and charismatic. It also helped that hse was the first love interest to appear to audiences in an Indiana Jones film and had the best chemistry with him.
Karen Allen's iconic character was certainly missed, and filling in that gap was a greatly appreciated token, and pretty relieving, considering that the film (somewhat needlessly) killed off Henry Jones, Sr. and Marcus.
IT'S AWFUL: Nuking The Fridge
There's no defending this scene. While the raft falling out of the airplane in Temple of Doom was pretty bad, repeating that same mistake and then dialing it to 11 was even worse.
While Indiana Jones doesn't have to be perfectly grounded and realistic, the suspension of disbelief can take a heavy hit with scenes like surviving a nuke by hiding in a fridge.
IT ISN'T THAT AWFUL: The Opening Action Scene
The opening scenes in the Indiana Jones franchise are self-contained mini-adventures that open the door to the instigating incidents for the film's main adventure. In Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, there's a pretty good setup, starting off the bat with the transition from the Paramount Pictures logo to a prairie dog hole. Elvis Presley's "Hound Dog" blasts, and it's immediately clear what the setting is.
USSR agents infiltrate Area 51, Indy is forced to cooperate with them in finding what they want, and there's even an Ark of the Covenant cameo. It works at establishing that Indy's aged, the stakes, and it's a fun bit that is admittedly the peak of the film.
IT'S AWFUL: The Overreliance On CGI
The mid-2000s were a bit of a painful time for a lot of blockbusters, with CGI franchises ruling the market. The problem has persisted to this day, but at least the CGI has gotten a little better (for the most part). Sadly, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull has CGI shots that look worse than the practical effects and stop motion used in the '80s Indiana Jones films.
The constant visual reminder that nothing is there doesn't immerse the audience in the film and it's incredibly distracting. The worst offense was probably when Shia LaBeouf went swinging around on vines with monkeys on his side.
IT ISN'T THAT AWFUL: The Cinematography
Janusz Kamiński has been a longtime collaborator with Steven Spielberg on virtually all of his films since Kamiński impressed the world with his cinematography in Schindler's List. In Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, he clearly didn't slack for the big return of the iconic character, and while the film looks more polished and sleek than its predecessors, that isn't necessarily a bad thing.
It also has a nice idyllic '50s USA look to it, which suits the setting. The whole film looks like a modern-day film serial, which is exactly what Indiana Jones is supposed to be.
IT'S AWFUL: It's Forgettable
Kingdom of the Crystal Skull just isn't a memorable movie, which is probably the worst thing that can happen to any movie. Even the worst bad movies that are fun to mock (like the Star Wars prequels) and at least live on with an audience in some form.
Most people don't really bother talking about Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and even when they reminisce, the only items of note tend to be the aliens and the nuke scene. No one even seems to remember the boring Mexico side-mission or Jim Broadbent's good (if incredibly brief) performance, which is a shame.
IT ISN'T THAT AWFUL: It's Not Unpleasant
One of Kingdom of the Crystal Skull's redeeming qualities is that unlike the more polarizing Temple of Doom, it's not as unpleasent to sit through.
For one, there's no constant shrill screaming and complaining from the impressively annoying Willie Scott in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Other bonuses include the lack of unintentional racism from (presumably) George Lucas' end and gross-out scenes involving insects (mostly), both of which made Temple of Doom hard to sit through. And best of all, there's no child torture and slavery here. It's amazing that despite having "Skull" in the title, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull isn't horrific. Props to Temple of Doom for warning its audience with the title, though.
IT'S AWFUL: Mutt Williams
Shia LaBeouf has transcended mortality to become a living meme but in 2008, he was the up and coming blockbuster young actor, popping up in Transformers, Eagle Eye, and Kingdom of the Crystal Skull as Mutt. Mutt, to put it nicely, is an incredibly boring character, and it's clear that Shia LaBeouf's talents were not properly handled, either.
The twist that he's Indy's son adds nothing much to the film and it's incredibly obvious that the skilled young adventurer wearing leather in the movie that Marion came back for would be Indy's son to pass the torch to, in order to keep milking the franchise. He's not cool, he's not funny, he's not interesting, and he's certainly not worthy of the iconic hat.
IT ISN'T AWFUL: The Aliens & The Soviet Union
Strangely enough, one of the movie's most controversial creative choices in the film isn't really a bad decision. In fact, it's pretty natural and somewhat inspired. While Indiana Jones always dealt more with religion and the occult, the leap to aliens (and the worship of them) wasn't that crazy and it was actually pretty engaging.
Additionally, the decision to jump from World War II to the Cold War was welcome, as Indy fighting Nazis for the third time would have been exhausting. Seeing Indy go up against Soviets was a welcome change of pace, and choosing to hop from the supernatural to aliens was a fun period accurate and appropriately pulpy move. And with sci-fi giants like Lucas and Spielberg at the helm, the aliens' arrival was kind of inevitable.