How I Met Your Mother: 10 Most Hilarious Barney Stinson Quotes

How I Met Your Mother might have had the worst finale of all time, but hilarious characters like Marshall and Barney live on to raise our spirits whenever we’re down. Barney Stinson in particular was the breakout character of the series, and is responsible for several pop culture references that were born on the show.

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He was also the funniest character for most viewers, with his quotes never getting old for fans. Since it’s nice to have a laugh every once in a while, here are 10 hilarious (and Legendary) Barney Stinson quotes that will make you fondly remember How I Met Your Mother when it was at its best.

10 "Yeah! I've got a "Guy" Guy!" - Season 7

Barney became famous for having a guy for just about any mess that needed to be cleaned. He could call up anyone and have something delivered to him at any time of day. If you didn’t believe it before, you would’ve believed it when he showed up with a baby the day after he and Ted discussed adopting one.

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When a flabbergasted Ted asked Barney how he could’ve gotten a kid, Barney was coy in response, but answered that he had a guy for everything – he even had a guy to get him a guy. The kicker was, the guy’s name was Guy!

9 "Ted, The only time I want to hear you saying ‘The One’ is if it’s followed by the word ‘hundredth'." - Season 2

So, we are aware that Barney was all about that player life, and the reason why he became friends with Ted was because he wanted to turn a player out of him, too. Barney begrudgingly went along with Ted wanting to find a girl to settle with, but he was known to dismiss Ted’s fantasies harshly from time to time.

On this instance, Barney had had enough Ted’s continuous whining about finding “The One” for himself, and said that the only time having a “one” is when its part of a hundred. Ted hitting a century of ladies was the kind of number Barney was on board with. You just know he’d be prepared with a high five for such an occasion.

8 "Daddy's Home...And Grandaddy's Home!" - Season 6

Barney’s denial knew no bounds, and he even forced his dad to accompany him to a club to meet women, since he wasn’t happy his dad was a man settled in a family life. Barney didn’t care that his dad was clearly too old to be in a club, and happily announced their arrival.

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Since Barney loved calling himself a “daddy” to girls, it only made sense he would call his own father “granddaddy” to go along with the theme. The funny thing is that his father even made it appear to Barney as if he was a player, so Barney felt the “granddaddy” term was more than appropriate.

7 "You can grab life by the crack and lick the crap out of it!" - Season 1

One of the first instances we fell in love with Barney was when he forced Ted to accompany him to Philadelphia to hit on a couple of girls, which resulted in the two friends licking the Liberty Bell since no man had ever accomplished such a feat.

His method of convincing Ted was legendary too, as Barney’s impassioned speech included grabbing life by the rear and taking out everything that was adventurous in it for themselves. He used some very colorful language, but the message was set in Ted, as he went along with it to lick the Liberty Bell. And that did end up being a story to tell the kids.

6 "Have you" - Season 2

When all the friends were in couplings with each other, Barney was left as the odd man out. His way of dealing with it was to make himself his wingman, and he would get so desperate that he’d use his “Have you met…?” tactic without anyone’s help.

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The result was as bad as you’d expect, since Barney would nudge a woman and ask her if they’d met him, even though he was the one talking to her in the first place. At least Barney got back at his friends for ditching him by terming them as “the grandparents from Willy Wonka”.

5 "When I'm sad I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True Story!" - Season 2


You might be inclined to laugh at this quote (and it is genuinely funny), but greater life advice has never existed. It makes sense, too; why would you be sad when you could be awesome instead? As far as Barney is considered, he doesn’t have room in his for sadness, and can easily switch it to becoming awesome.

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To put the scene into context, Marshall was still sad about losing Lily in Season 2, and a confused Barney claimed being awesome was much easier than being sad. He certainly displayed this by picking up multiple women in bars – although he stole them from Marshall, making this a nonsensical lesson after all.

4 "Actually Doing Things Gets You Fired!" - Season 4

If you think you’re not qualified enough to get a job, then go the Barney Stinson route and make a video resume. Barney’s resume was filled with bizarre things such as interviewing himself (with a wee bit Scottish accent), talking while on a bike, and combing a horse for no reason.

His reasoning was sound, though, as Barney argued that corporate America only wants people who seem like bold risk takers who don’t actually do anything – actually doing work gets you fired. If you don’t believe him, then how about the fact he got eleven job offers from that resume? And he didn’t even sing the song in the video, because that would be lame.

3 "A lie is a great story that someone ruined with the truth!" - Season 5

Neil Patrick Harris as Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother

Have you ever seen a guy so deeply entrenched in his own denial that he starts believing his fabricated version of the truth? You know Barney’s your man for this example, seeing as he convinced himself Bob Barker was his father.

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His true psychology over believing his own lies was revealed when he claimed that lies were awesome stories the truth ruined. When Barney was going off on this tirade, it’s important to remember that he was arguing that Marshall was mugged by a monkey in a trench coat. So, you can see just how far off he was in his delusions. Although, then again, we’d all like to believe Marshall was mugged by a monkey too.

2 "Just...Ok?" - All Seasons

We’ve all been there where you’ve gotten hit by an awesome insult and you have no comeback for it. Usually, people blurt out some lame comeback like “the jerk store called, they’re running out of you”, or just keep their mouth shut and accept the insult.

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Barney, on the other hand, took to lowering his shoulders weakly and squirming around to mumble, “Just…okay?”. This worked like a charm, too, with Barney always getting his way whenever he said this. He got away with it when he was telling a lie no one believed; and when he wanted his friends to accompany him on some outlandish dare. In the future, if you find yourself outmatched, remember to use this as your go-to quote for victory.

1 "Legen...wait for it...Dary!" - All Seasons


This quote is both funny and (you guessed it) legendary! There are hundreds of variations of it, and since we couldn’t settle on just the one, we decided to bundle all of them together. This quote was so epic, that half of it were the last words of Season 2, and the other half the first words of Season 3.

The funny variations come when Barney becomes very imaginative with them, with one instance going so long as “Legen…wait for it…and-I-hope-you’re-not-lactose-intolerant-coz-the-second-half-of-the-word-is Dary!”. You want to make someone laugh without fail, all you need to do is use some creative “Legendary” variation of the quote, and you’re good to go.

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