The 10 Best Homer Simpson Quotes

As one of the funniest TV fathers of all time, Homer Simpson's legendary comedic history has spawned some of the funniest quotes of all time.

Although its quality has declined over the course of 30 seasons, The Simpsons is still one of the best and longest-running sitcoms of all time. The shows main protagonist, Homer Simpson, is largely considered to be one of its funniest characters. With his anger issues, love of beer, enormous appetite, and questionable intellect, almost every word that comes out of his mouth is comedy gold.

Over the years, Homer is responsible for delivering some of the funniest and most memorable quotes in the show. Some are well known, while others are hidden throughout the series' 662 episodes. Without further ado, here are 10 of Homer Simpsons best quotes.

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10 “Lord help me, I’m just not that bright.”

In the season one finale, Homer takes Marge out for a romantic evening, leaving their kids alone with a babysitter. It turns out that said sitter is actually a criminal known as “the Babysitter Bandit”. After the kids subdue her and go to the police, Homer and Marge return home and accidentally free her.

When he learns her true identity, Homer tries to save face but ends up embarrassing himself on live television. When he sees the broadcast, he shows a rare moment of insight and acknowledges one of his biggest flaws. This moment of maturity is followed by Marge reassuring him that, despite his low intelligence, he is still a good father.

9 “Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."

In the episode "Burns' Heir", Charles Montgomery Burns holds auditions to find a worthy candidate to be his heir. Naturally, Bart and Lisa are among the candidates. Due to Homer’s poor attempt to support him with badly worded flashcards, Bart fails the audition. He is then humiliated as Mr. Burns literally kicks him off stage. Needless to say, Bart is both upset and embarrassed, so Homer says something to try and make him and Lisa feel better.

While his speech starts off positive, he pulls a classic Homer and deviates into a message of pessimism. Although this advice is a bit ironic considering that Homer constantly tries to do new things nearly every episode.

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8 “It takes two to lie; one to lie, and one to listen.”

Most of the time, Homer says some pretty stupid or nonsensical things. Of course, there are some moments where he says something that makes you pause and think of its true meaning. In "Colonel Homer," after Homer introduces Marge to Lurleen Lumpkin, she comments about how she was not overweight as Homer described her. His response is to use this quote, which Marge does not understand.

In a way, Homer is not wrong. After all, a lie is not technically a lie unless someone is there to hear and act on it. It is moments like this where Homer shows just how philosophical he can be.

7 “To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."

This quote was mentioned at the end of "Homer vs the Eighteenth Amendment," and since then it's left a lasting impression. Parodying the series The Untouchables, the episode focuses on the town prohibiting alcohol after Bart gets intoxicated during a St. Patricks Day celebration.

After the prohibition is lifted and the whole town celebrates, Homer uses the quote to close the episode. This quote is famous not just because it addresses the reality behind alcohol consumption, it also reflects an important aspect of Homer’s personality. The episode's showrunner Josh Weinstein commented that the quote is one of the best and most truthful statements in the series.

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6 “Lisa, if you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.”

In “The PTA Disbands”, Homer berates the teachers of Springfield Elementary for going on strike and shirking their responsibilities. Lisa attempts to argue the benefits of them striking to which Homer offers this quote as a response.

Considering that Homer hates his own job, it is easy to see how this quote mirrors his own work ethic at the Nuclear Plant. While this quote may not be the best advice to follow in the world of business, it is still memorable and funny. Ironically, Dan Castellaneta, who voices Homer, was one of many voice actors that went on a two-week strike to renegotiate their salaries in 2004.

5 “In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women.”

Al Pacino’s Tony Montana from Scarface is one of the most iconic movie characters in pop culture. Thus, it is not so surprising that one of his best quotes would eventually make its way onto The Simpsons. After Homer steals a large amount of sugar from an overturned truck, he takes it to his yard and hopes to sell it for a profit.

While guarding it, he slowly nods off, all while referencing Pacino’s famous line, complete with a Spanish accent. This quote is easily one of the funniest quotes Homer has ever done. Furthermore, his version is considered to be just as iconic, if not better, than the original.

4 “Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true.”

This quote from “Lisa the Sceptic” is yet another example of Homer saying something that is actually intelligent and true. After Lisa discovers the skeleton of what appears to be an angel, the whole town becomes convinced it is that it is real. Lisa remains skeptical and attempts to prove it is not an angel skeleton.

While arguing her case to the townspeople, Homer responds with this quote. Despite using it as a means to disprove a point, it ironically has the opposite effect. It is also funny considering that in "Homer the Vigilante" he used random facts in order to prove a point he was trying to make.

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3 “I am so Smart! I am so Smart! S-M-R-T! I mean S-M-A-R-T!”

From the moment this quote was first mentioned, it made waves throughout The Simpsons fanbase. It’s been featured in hundreds of popular memes and is also one of Homer’s catchphrases in The Simpsons Hit and Run video game.

After Homer sets fire to his GED diploma after getting accepted into college, he begins to chant this famous phrase. From there, the audience watches as Homer makes a fool of himself, while an inferno rages behind him. Believe it or not, this quote was actually a slip of the tongue by Castellaneta. Fortunately, the producers decided to keep it in the show, and we are so glad they did.

2 "I've got a problem. As soon as you stop this car, I'm gonna hug you, and kiss you, and then I'll never be able to let you go!"

Through all the ups and downs, Homer and Marge always find a way to make their relationship work. The episode "The Way We Was," features Homer and Marge telling the story about how they first met to their kids. After they both have a terrible experience during their high school prom, Marge picks up Homer on the side of the road.

Homer mentions that once the car ride ends, he will never be able to let Marge go. This scene represents one of The Simpsons most heartwarming moments from one of their best episodes. It serves as a reminder that no matter what might happen, Homer will do whatever it takes to keep Marge safe and happy.

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1 "D'Oh!"

No list about Homer's best quotes is complete without the one that defines him as a character. Often used by Homer when he makes a mistake, gets injured, or is frustrated, "D’oh" quickly became one of the most popular catchphrases of the modern era. It got so popular that it was officially added to the Oxford English Dictionary in 2001.

While it is mostly used by Homer, other characters like Lisa and Gerald Ford have also used it. This catchphrase has even been used by characters from other TV shows like Family Guy, Spongebob Squarepants, as well as The Critic. With the series still running strong, D’oh will be immortalized and used by fans for generations to come.

NEXT: 10 Best Life Lessons We Learned From The Simpsons

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