No one asked for a Home Alone remake, but Disney is bringing it anyway with Jojo Rabbit star Archie Yates rumored to play the young protagonist of the film. What's even worse is that the remake won't be in theaters; it will be on Disney+. Come on, now.
Even though Disney's mega plan of a remake drew backlash from fans, it's understandable since the current generation of kids also need to experience the same thrills that the youth of the '80s and '90s got from the films. A current ten-year-old kid won't go looking for a 1990 comedy movie called Home Alone. It's only fair if the film is remade and tailored to fit modern times. Here are 5 Things We Want To See In The Home Alone Remake (& 5 That We Don't)
Want: A Macaulay Culkin Cameo (Or Full Involvement)
The idea of Home Alone without the real Macaulay Culkin as Kevin simply isn't appealing enough. He's the heart of it all. There is a reason why most people aren't aware that there were third and fourth installments in the franchise — it's because Culkin wasn't in them.
It would be awesome if Culkin returned to play Kevin in some capacity. A cameo would be nice, but what if he was now the father and his child was left home alone? That would be a fun angle that should also get older viewers interested. Culkin hasn't done any serious acting in a while but it's highly unlikely that he'll butcher this familiar role.
Don't Want: The Dark Parts
The original Home Alone film received some criticism for including some scenes that were not family-friendly. The part where Kevin uses a shooting scene in a violent (but fake) 1940s gangster movie Angels With Filthy Souls to scare the Wet Bandits is a good example. It wouldn't be surprising to find out that this was Joe Pesci's suggestion. He's the man known for gangster roles after all.
There is also the Old Man Marley, an elderly male character who is said to have murdered his family. Even though he later became Kevin's friend, he came off as too scary at first. Such dark elements might be okay for adults but they are simply not suitable for family viewing.
Want: Christmas Themes
Another reason why the first and second Home Alone movies were great is that they were Christmas films. They still rank highly in many "Best Christmas Movies Of All Time" lists. The Christmas trees, the carols, and the traveling all emphasized the holiday aura of the films.
So, we really hope that Disney doesn't decide to release the Home Alone remake on Thanksgiving or Halloween. We hope they don't turn Home Alone into a horror film about a kid who has to fight off ghosts alone. Dear Disney, let the film be about Christmas and nothing else. Thank you.
Don't Want: Unrealistic Storylines
As much as the original Home Alone films were entertaining, there were many unrealistic things in the storylines. For example, why didn't Kevin's parents just call a family friend to go check on him? And why didn't the pizza guy call the cops after hearing "gunshots?" More importantly, after all the mess he had created, how did Kevin manage to clean the house before his family came back?
Critics might have been a bit lenient in the '90s but right now they are not. If the remake decides to trade realistic scenarios for laughs, it might just end up being a huge bomb.
Want: An Even Smarter Kid
Not many movie kids can boast of being smarter than Kevin McCallister. From tricking burglars that there was a gunman in the house yet to setting up creative traps all over the place, Kevin did it all. Topping this will be hard work not only for the child actor who will be cast in the role but also the writing team.
To make it different and also to avoid comparisons, it would be smarter to go with a girl this time. Perhaps Kevin's daughter? It would be fun to see a young girl causing havoc and making burglars wish they never showed up.
Don't Want: Uncle Frank
Unless he's coming back as a reformed preacher, Uncle Frank should be kept away from the remake. Not only was he the least interesting character but he was also mean for no good reason.
When Kevin accidentally pours soda on him, he yells, "Look what ya did, ya little jerk!" Little jerk? In the words of Canadian band Magic!, "Why you gotta be so ruuuuude?" As a kid, you'd hate your uncle forever if he ever told you something like that. No parent would be okay with someone talking to their child like that either.
Want: Funny Burglars, Just Like In The Initial Films
Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern did a spectacular job of portraying the Wet Bandits in the Home Alone films. It's astonishing how easily Pesci used to switch from serious to comedic roles back in the day. He would play a murderous mafia member in Goodfellas and before you knew it, he was a hilarious real estate agent in Lethal Weapon.
For the remake to work, the burglars have to be equally phenomenal. The kids has to shine by making fools out of them. Seth Rogen might be great for a role like this.
Don't Want: Poor Relationship With Family
Everybody Hates Chris? More like Everybody Hates Kevin — except for the viewers of course. The original Home Alone films proved to us that Kevin was a cool, smart kid. So the fact that his family didn't like him that much was somehow surprising. With his charisma and wit, Kevin should have been the star of the family.
His older brother even enjoyed bullying him for no justifiable reason. Leave Kevin alone. Anyway, we hope that this time, the child at the center of the fracas will have a better relationship with their family.
Want: Change Of Location
Chicago and New York have already been covered. The best thing the remake can do to keep things fresh and different is to use a new city. This will also save the film from being unfairly compared to the original. While keeping the original elements the same, the director of the remake ought to make everything else as unique as possible.
Washington D.C..? Miami? Basically, any other major city will do.
Don't Want: Too Many Big Names
Disney likes to stuff big-name actors into its remakes. We already saw this with Aladdin and The Lion King. Sadly, big names don't always save a film. The latest flop Cats, has proved this quite well. Disney might try to throw everything at the Home Alone remake to make sure it works, but it really should resist the temptation to do that.
It would be nice if the film kept it least two major stars at most. The focus should be on the story and the comedy, not the casting. The ball is in their court. We sincerely hope that the remake won't be a forgettable film. Fingers crossed.