Hogwarts Houses Of Weeds Characters

Weeds has so many awesome, multi-dimensional characters — let's get to the heart of them by deciding on their Hogwarts houses!

Jenji Kohan is an expert at creating multi-dimensional characters who are so fleshed out and brutally honest that we feel as though we know them personally. On Weeds the series dives into all of the hardships and woes of what it's like to lose a family member who was the financial provider. To cope, the recently widowed Nancy Botwin decides to make ends meet by selling pot to local suburbanites. To say "things go out of hand" is the biggest understatement of the century. The series gained a cult following and is still binge watched repeatedly to this day on Netflix. Since we love these characters so much, let's honor them by checking out which Hogwarts house each character would be sorted into!

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Shane Botwin is without a doubt a Slytherin. Out of all the characters, he is the one who experiences the most trauma from Judah Botwin's death. In retrospect, this makes a whole lot of sense due to the fact that he was the only one in the family to witness his father unexpectedly drop dead from a heart attack after the father and son went on a jog together.

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Due to losing his dad in such a tragic and unforeseen way, Shane reacted by developing a tough-as-nails persona that endorsed violent behavior as well as murderous tendencies. Due to his cunning nature, we think he would fit perfectly into the house of Slytherin.


You can accuse Nancy Botwin of being a lot of things. Whether you want to label her as "self-absorbed" or a "terrible mother", the trait that stands out the most in Nancy to us is fearlessness. Nancy will be caught sipping her iced latte while setting fire to the entire town of Agrestic without a drop of fear in her eyes. She will look her drug lord lover dead in the eyes and lie right to his face. Nancy will do anything to rise to the top, and she is willing to risk her life on a daily basis. This seems like a total Gryffindor move to us and we think Nancy-Pants would fit right into the house of the brave.

Do they have ice lattes at Hogwarts? Because if not, they better get right on that if she's gonna spend any of her time in those magical halls.


Silas may be categorized at the beginning of the series as your typical airhead California surfer dude, yet as the series progresses, we realize how business savvy the eldest son can be. For the longest time, he wants to work with his mother in the pot-selling business (he wants to grow his own weed), yet understandably, Nancy refuses. She doesn't want this to become some sort of family business due to how dangerous and risky (not to mention illegal) it is. In the end, we realize his full potential as a businessman. His smarts make him a good fit for the house of Ravenclaw.


Celia Hodes is a hilarious addition to the Weeds universe, and Elizabeth Perkins does an incredible job portraying the anti-hero who secretly just wants to fit in and get the respect she believes she deserves. She isn't perfect by any means, and sometimes she can be labeled as downright cruel, but as we know from the first handful of seasons especially, life has thrown a bunch of curveballs her way and she is just reacting to them with vengeance.

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Like most Slytherins, she is incredibly ambitious and at times can be crass. Regardless, she is a total badass on the show and we secretly loved all her blunt remarks.


Although Conrad was working for Heylia in the drug business and was often caught messing with the wrong crowd, he is a good person by nature. Like many of the men on the show, he had fallen victim to Nancy's trap by falling in love with the recent widow. Although he was working for Helia, he still helped Nancy out and became her business associate despite the risk. At the end of the day, he did it because he is a loyal person who had a deep desire to help out his friend despite the fact that she gave him little in return.


Doug Wilson is not exactly someone who you would refer to as a "stand up guy". Almost every action he takes is done for his own benefit, and he is not much more than a pleasure seeker who doesn't care all that much about how he affects others, including members of his own family. Although Kevin Nealon's portrayal of Doug is absolutely hilarious, the character himself is so morally corrupt and selfish that we think he would fit best into the house of Slytherin.


Heylia is without a doubt a Ravenclaw. She doesn't have time for dilly dally or nonsense. She isn't looking to start friendships. Heylia doesn't care whether or not you like her, all she cares about is providing for her family and making that dough. Her business-minded personality requires a great deal of intelligence for her to win in the game, and that is exactly what she does. Heylia knows what it takes to be the best in the business and her intellect makes her the perfect person for the house of Ravenclaw.


Isabelle Hodes plays Dean and Celia's daughter, and she is dealt with an unfair hand for the majority of the series yet she doesn't let these struggles get to her. In fact, all of the difficulties she and her family have faced over the years only manage to shape her into a stronger individual despite her young age.

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Isabelle isn't afraid to cut ties with toxic people in her life who only bring her down, which is exactly why she cuts ties with her mother, Celia. This takes a lot of courage to do, and therefore we think she would be an excellent addition to the house of Gryffindor.


Who could forget Andy's love interest, Yael? Yael was the dean of admissions at a rabbinical school on the streets while she was quite the adventurous woman in the sheets. So adventurous, even Andy could barely keep up with her. Yael's lust for life and adventure makes her the ultimate Gryffindor.


Out of all the character's on the show, Andy proves to be the most loyal. This is especially true when it comes to Nancy Botwin who just so happens to be the love of his life. Although he tries everything he can to get rid of his feelings for Nancy (she was married to his deceased brother after all) he just can't seem to stop himself from loving her.

When everyone else turns on Nancy in the end, he is the one to stick around for the longest amount of time. He is willing to bend over backwards for her even if he never received much respect or affection in return. In the end, Andy came to his senses and decided he didn't want to be treated like her puppy dog anymore, but the fact that he stuck around for so long makes him a total Hufflepuff.

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