When we were children, Hocus Pocus was one terrifying piece of art. Most of us were frightened by the evil witches from the film when we were little, yet now as adults, the vast majority of us grew up to be these witches. Every year we start to love this movie more and more, and it will never lose its status as a total classic. Everything from the iconic characters to the killer musical numbers makes this one of the most beloved films in the history of Halloween flicks.
While most of us as children used to regard Hocus Pocus as a horror film, as adults we now realize that it is a straight-up comedy classic. So to celebrate the spooky season, here are 10 of the most hilarious quotes from Hocus Pocus.
"OH LOOK. ANOTHER GLORIOUS MORNING. MAKES ME SICK!"
This quote accurately depicts all of us in the morning. Who wants to listen to birds merrily chirping when all we really want to do is go back to sleep? Bette Midler perfectly embodies a cynical sense of charm to her character that we all can't help but admire. This is especially great for a film that was originally considered to be a children's movie.
In movies made for children, the characters are almost always cheery and bright with role model personas. In Hocus Pocus, we get to see characters who are actually relatable (even if they are witches) and this is why the film is such an instant hit.
"I SUGGEST WE FORM A CALMING CIRCLE."
It's always hilarious to see evil characters attempt to make peace. There are many instances of this in Hocus Pocus, and here is one of the funniest scenarios in the film when Mary tries her best to control the storm of anger that is about to erupt from her sisters, Winifred and Sarah. They're furious because all they want to do is eat children and they just can't seem to get a hold of them.
It's not like they're asking for all that much. So how does Mary attempt to calm the storm? By making a calming circle, of course. Who knew witches liked to practice meditation too? Witches, they're just like us!
"I AM CALM!"
What is Winifred's response to her sister Mary suggesting they form a calming circle? To scream at the top of her lungs in anger, saying, "I AM CALM!!!" It doesn't get much more hilarious than that. What makes Bette Midler's portrayal of Winifred so memorable and epic is when she tries her best to stay civil and patient around her "idiot sisters" that she claims to be cursed with.
She discovers that she just can't control her temper around these two, as much as she tries. It's too funny to observe their hilarious dynamic, and we've totally felt this way around our siblings before as well.
"WE ARE JUST THREE KINDLY OLD SPINSTER LADIES SPENDING A QUIET EVENING AT HOME, SUCKING THE LIVES FROM LITTLE CHILDREN!"
Never, ever, EVER underestimate the power that lurks behind three kindly old spinster ladies who appear to be "spending a quiet evening at home." You never know what kind of awesome madness they are up to, regardless of how much you might assume these women spend their Saturday nights staying in while watching Charlie Rose in their pajamas.
There is way more than meets the eye, and this movie is just solid proof of this theory. We may spend our weekends out at the club, while these ladies prefer to spend their nights sucking the lives out of children... To each their own?
"YOU KNOW, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED A CHILD. AND NOW I THINK I'LL HAVE ONE... ON TOAST!"
Winifred takes hold of that stereotype that all women want children and rips it to shreds. Yes, Winifred does want a child, but she wants a child on a slice of toast! This line might have caused us to sleep with the lights on for several nights as kids, but now as adults, we can appreciate the good humor behind it.
You can tell how much fun these actresses are having while playing these evil roles and it makes the film all the more fantastic to watch.
"I AM BEAUTIFUL! BOYS WILL LOVE ME!"
Yes, Sarah Jessica Parker, you are beautiful, and boys will love you. We are big fans of all the self-love going on here and we appreciate how blunt these witches are when it comes to their true feelings.
While most of us ladies are taught from a young age to be modest and to refuse acceptance of compliments, SJP's character doesn't have time for any of that "good girl" nonsense. She knows she's beautiful and she knows boys will love her! You tell 'em, sis!
"I PUT A SPELL ON YOU, AND NOW YOU'RE MINE."
Debatably the most iconic scene in the film is when the three witches go up on stage and sing "I Put a Spell On You" at a Halloween party. Everyone assumes that they are just three women in awesome costumes, but we all know this is far from the truth.
It's one of the funniest and best scenes in the history of Halloween-themed movies and whenever we hear the song, we always think of Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Kathy Najimi as they strut their stuff on stage.
"HANG HIM ON A HOOK AND LET ME PLAY WITH HIM."
These characters are so hilarious and endearing that we sometimes forget they are murderous and evil witches. Kenny Ortega has done a perfect job creating characters who we are supposed to despise and root against, yet we can't help but love them.
Maybe as children, we might have rooted more for the kids, but as adults, all we want is for these witches to thrive and to do more fabulous performances of "I put a spell on you." Do these guys do weddings? Bachelorette parties? Bar Mitzvahs? If not, they totally should. They'd make serious bank if they ever decided to form a band.
"IT SAYS TO FORM A CIRCLE OF SALT TO PROTECT FROM ZOMBIES, WITCHES, AND OLD BOYFRIENDS."
Hold up. All it takes is forming a circle of salt so we don't have to run into our exes on the street anymore? One, where do we sign up, and two, what brand of salt should we use? Hocus Pocus does a great job combining ancient rituals and witch culture with modern-day culture.
Well, at least modern-day by 1990s standards. Oh, and we guess being protected from zombies and witches by the circle of salt is just an added bonus...
"GO TO HELL!" "OH, I'VE BEEN THERE, THANK YOU. I FOUND IT QUITE LOVELY."
What do you do when someone tells you to go to hell? You tell them you've already been there and you loved every second of it. We love how Hocus Pocus captures the true spirit of Halloween by combining horror elements with a sense of fun and humor.
No matter how much older we get, we will continue to watch Hocus Pocus every year during the Halloween season, and this movie only seems to get better and better with age.