Golden Girls has become a part of pop culture history. The sitcom, which aired from 1985 through 1992, centered on four older women living together, each with distinct personalities, and all constantly ribbing one another with some of the most clever, witty, and hilarious exchanges ever on television.
There was Dorothy Zbornak (Bea Arthur), the sarcastic, sometimes stone-cold divorcee and her mother Sophia Petrillo (Estelle Getty), an Italian immigrant with a sharp tongue; along with Blanche Devereaux (Rue McClanahan), the frisky and man-hungry beautiful southern Belle; and Rose Nylund (Betty White), the dimwitted woman with a long list of odd stories from her small farming town of St. Olaf, MN. Sadly, all of the cast members have since passed on, with the exception of White who, at 97, is still quite active in the industry, and as feisty as ever. But the one-liners and hilarious quotes from the show live on. Here are 10 hilarious ones we can all relate to.
10 "Go to sleep, sweetheart. Pray for brains.”
Poor Rose was often the butt of jokes in the house. In this instance, Dorothy ribs her by suggesting that perhaps after a deep slumber, she might awaken slightly more intelligent than she is today.
We can all relate to having to deal with people who make you scratch your head as to how they’ve survived so long in life by being so incredibly dumb. Of course Rose wasn’t necessarily stupid, just blissfully unaware of life outside of her small town. So sometimes the things she said made the other ladies roll their eyes, even though they loved her dearly.
9 “People waste their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full. Me, I just drink whatever’s in the glass.”
Leave it to Sophia to turn an inspirational statement into something far more matter-of-fact. We’ve all heard the expression of viewing a glass as half full rather than half empty (in other words, think positively.)
But to Sophia, who’s far more a practical realist, and has lived through fleeing an arranged marriage, a stroke, and the birth of several children, she just sees liquid in a glass, and goes for it. Anyone who likes to grab life by the horns, or simply couldn’t be bothered with silly motivational sayings, can relate to this statement.
8 “Excuse me Rose, have I given any indication at all that I care?”
Ever had to endure a boring story or conversation with someone who’s spilling their heart out to you about something insignificant (or at least insignificant to you) and you just wish they’d stop droning on about it, already?!
In this case, it was one of Rose’s notoriously long stories, when Sophia stops her to advise that she doesn’t really care to hear any more. Don’t we wish we could all be as fearless as Sophia? Guess that comes with age.
7 “Oh c’mon Blanche, age is just a state of mind.” “Tell that to my thighs.”
We’ve all felt our age at one time or another. And often times, part of aging includes putting on a few extra pounds, and not being able to burn them off as easily as we once could. Blanche perfectly describes this when Dorothy tries to console her and say that age is just a state of mind, not anything to get caught up in.
Blanche, of course, doesn’t quite buy it, as many of us do when we make similar statements in real life. One brownie won’t hurt, right? Tell that to my thighs.
6 “I saw my entire life flash before my eyes and I thought ‘What a shame if I die now. I’m too young, and I’m wearing the wrong underwear.”
We’ve all had that moment when something happens and our life flashes before our eyes, or we feel like something is wrong and we might end up in the hospital.
While we don’t want to admit it, sometimes we can think of the silliest things in such situations like that, of course, we’re wearing that ratty pair of old underwear because everything else is in the wash. Knowing Blanche and her vain nature, she might very well have fought death if she felt she wasn’t dressed appropriately for the “occasion.”
5 “If this sauce was a person, I’d get naked and make love to it.”
If you’ve ever whipped up a delicious meal, dish, or dessert and thought “damn, I’m good!” you can relate to Sophia’s hilarious analogy in this quote about her authentically Sicilian pasta sauce. Of course for Sophia, she can’t simply express how yummy it is without cracking a joke that perfectly fits her feisty and sharp-tongued personality.
Maybe we haven’t felt like literally making love to our food, American Pie-style. But whether you’re an awesome cook or not, you know when you’ve hit one out of the park, and your dish is worthy of accolades, just as Sophia did.
4 “Where are you going?” “To either get ice cream or commit a felony. I’ll decide in the car.”
We’ve all been there: you’re angry about something and storm out to go for a quick walk, run, or drive in the car to blow off steam. In Dorothy’s case, she hasn’t yet decided how she’s going to deal with her feelings. Indulge in some ice cream to drown her sorrows in sweets, or go on a rampage, lash out, and do something that could get her arrested?
Of course, she’s more likely to decide on the ice cream. And part of her response is just, once again, making fun of Rose. (Rose might actually believe it!) But it’s a statement we can all relate to, any time we’ve been so angry and frustrated that we just feel like smashing some cars or punching someone random on the street.
3 “Want a glass of water to wash down your foot?”
Who hasn’t had his or her foot in their mouth, saying something they immediately wish they could take back? Sophia’s witty retort to this, and to make it clear that a foot has just been put deep into a mouth, is to offer up some liquid to help make the foot go down a bit easier.
At least the joke might help lighten the mood, right? Who could resist laughing after one of Sophia’s awesome one-liners, after all?
2 “I could get herpes listening to this story!”
Likely listening to one of Blanche’s many hot and steamy stories about yet another affair with a married man, hot hookup, or one-night stand, Dorothy replies in the most hilarious way possible, suggesting that the story is so graphic, she almost feels like she’s there and could get an STD.
We’ve all had a friend overshare about his or her latest rendezvous, leaving you to scream “TMI” (too much information), begging them to stop disclosing so much of the raunchy details. Seriously girl (or bro), we don’t need to know.
1 “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.”
Leave it to Rose to deliver a saying that is so silly, and makes little sense, yet you have to laugh because you get the point she’s trying to make. Another crazy quote from her small farm town, her mom isn’t totally wrong. Bananas don’t get better with age. But neither do a lot of things, like, say, most other fruits, electronic equipment, clothing – the list goes on.
Nonetheless, to picture the woman who raised Rose delivering statements as funny as this one to a young Rose is totally hilarious. And we all have that friend or family member who delivers supposed prophetic sayings like this that make you scratch your head then burst out in laughter.