There are many abhorrent characters in the Harry Potter universe - from the deplorable Dolores Umbridge to He Who Must Not Be Named himself. And whilst the movies focus primarily on the villains of the wizarding world, let’s not forget the most notorious muggles of the franchise: the Dursleys.
Some may argue that Vernon and Petunia did a good thing by taking in Harry after his parents’ untimely deaths, however, that’s about the extent of their kindness. For five films, Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia, and Dudley treated Harry dreadfully. And whilst their behavior was often reprehensible, these three complex characters are behind some of the most memorable quotes of the films.
“No Post On Sundays!” - Vernon Dursley
According to Uncle Vernon in The Sorcerer’s Stone, Sundays are the best day of the week. Why? There’s no mail on Sundays. After going out of his way to keep Harry’s Hogwarts letter from him, Vernon is overjoyed by the thought that “not one single bloody letter” would be delivered on Sunday … before being inundated with them.
This quote (from one the most memorable scenes of the first movie), is the first glimpse at the great lengths that Vernon Dursley would go to prevent Harry from learning about the wizarding world. The fact that he spent all of his time and energy on begrudging his nephew the truth about himself is one of the most infamous examples of his maltreatment of Harry.
“I Will Not Pay To Have Some Crackpot Old Fool Teach Him Magic Tricks!” - Vernon Dursley
Whilst Vernon’s disdain for magic and the wizarding world was evident throughout the entire franchise, this quote from The Sorcerer’s Stone was the first time he outwardly expressed it, after Hagrid told Harry about Hogwarts.
His aunt and uncle may have disliked him, but judging from this quote, neither of them seemed too keen to send him away to school, one of the many things that didn't make much sense about the Dursleys. Perhaps Petunia was torn over her sister’s demise and the jealously she felt towards her. Maybe Vernon was afraid of Harry’s burgeoning power. Or perhaps neither of them wanted to see him happy.
“36! But Last Year, Last Year I Had 37!” - Dudley Dursley
Dudley Dursley, Vernon and Petunia’s insolent son, was the antithesis of his cousin in every way. Whilst Harry grew up in the cupboard under the stairs and was given Dudley’s hand-me-downs, Dudley was spoiled beyond belief.
One of the most memorable scenes from 4 Privet Drive saw Dudley receiving 36 birthday presents when the previous year he had apparently had 37. After obnoxiously complaining about his lack of gifts, his parents were soon offering to buy him more. This scene from The Sorcerer’s Stone established the dynamic between the Dursleys and their son early on and would explain a lot of Dudley’s appalling behavior in later movies.
“And Then She Had You, And I Knew You Would Be The Same. Just As Strange, Just As ... Abnormal.” - Petunia Dursley
Despite taking him into her home as an infant, one of the most disturbing things in Harry Potter is how Petunia neglected Harry. For 11 years, Petunia hid the truth about Lily and James from Harry, and refused to have any contact with the wizarding world. However, after Hagrid exposed the truth about Harry’s parents to him in The Sorcerer’s Stone, Petunia revealed all.
She admitted that whilst her own parents were proud of having a witch in the family, she saw her sister as a “freak” and considered Harry to be the same. Some fans have speculated that the reason Petunia was so resentful was because she was jealous of her sister and felt left out growing up. Whatever the interpretation of her behavior, this quote goes to show how awfully she acted towards Harry.
“Daddy’s Gone Mad, Hasn't He?” - Dudley Dursley
After Vernon Dursley finally lost his patience with the endless arrival of letters in The Sorcerer’s Stone, and threatened to move the family across the country, both his son and wife seemed worried for his health.
For the majority of the franchise, it appeared that the Dursleys were all very alike: close-minded, cruel, and arrogant. Yet this quote is the first (and perhaps the only) instance when Dudley questioned his father’s behavior. Not only does this quote provide some comedic relief in quite a chaotic scene, but it’s the first glimpse into Dudley as an individual, rather than just as Vernon and Petunia’s obnoxious son.
“You And That Blood Pigeon Aren't Going Anywhere!” - Vernon Dursley
For a franchise with a fairly dark storyline, some comedic relief is necessary every now and then. This scene from The Chamber of Secrets is unforgettable for just that reason.
When Ron, Fred, and George steal the flying Ford Anglia to break Harry out of Privet Drive, Vernon isn’t best pleased. Grabbing on to Harry as he attempts to escape, Vernon does his best to stop him from leaving, but fortunately, to no avail. Instead, Vernon hurls insults after his nephew before falling from the window. Seeing Uncle Vernon get some comeuppance for his foul behavior is a great Harry Potter moment to be remembered.
“You Didn't Just Lose A Mother That Night In Godric's Hollow, You Know. I Lost A Sister.” - Petunia Dursley
Despite the fact that this quote never made it into the final cut of The Deathly Hallows Part 1, this is undoubtedly one of Petunia’s finest, and most wholesome moments.
Fans often speculated that her unabashed disdain toward her nephew was due to her jealously of Lily growing up, and her mixed feelings about her death. However, until this (deleted) scene, her real feelings toward her sister were unclear. This is perhaps the only vulnerable, humanizing moment Petunia has in the entire franchise, and it’s a shame that it was never included in the movie.
“I Demand That You Leave At Once. You Are Breaking And Entering.” - Vernon Dursley
In this magical scene from The Sorcerer’s Stone, Hagrid arrives to collect Harry, breaking the door down and causing a scene. Vernon instructs him to leave, wielding a gun haphazardly.
In hindsight, after watching the movies and learning more about the Harry Potter universe, Vernon’s scared threats are quite comical. Hagrid may not be allowed to use magic, but seeing a Muggle try to square up to him is laughable. This scene between Uncle Vernon and Hagrid is one of the first glimpses the audience had into the magical universe, and one of the most memorable.
“I Don't Think You Are A Waste Of Space.” - Dudley Dursley
This quote from Dudley Dursley is undoubtedly his best line in the franchise. After the Dursleys are forced to leave Privet Drive out of fear of He Who Must Not Be Named, Dudley’s parting words to Harry are the closest they ever got to being friendly with one another.
Unfortunately, this scene between Harry and Dudley didn’t make it into the final cut of The Deathly Hallows Part 1, but nevertheless, it’s perhaps the only touching scene to exist between the two cousins, and will surely be remembered by those who saw it.
“There’s No Such Thing As Magic!” - Vernon Dursley
After Harry accidentally releases a snake from the zoo in The Sorcerer’s Stone, he tries explaining to his uncle that “One minute the glass was there and then it was gone, it was like magic,” but Vernon is quick to shut his story down.
This scene is one of the first instances in which Harry discovers his magical ability. And despite Uncle Vernon’s insistence that magic doesn’t exist, both Harry and the audience have an inkling otherwise. This quote is undoubtedly among the most memorable of the franchise, even if only because it’s untrue and precedes a great deal of the magical moments that fans know and love.