Harry Potter is a beloved children's series, but as many fans grew up, they started to consider that some of the characters would have more colorful vocabularies than readers ever see. In fact, in an interview with the Wizarding World, author J. K. Rowling herself admitted that her editor made her cut swearing said by Ron, since he was "definitely a boy who would swear."
Knowing this fact, fans have taken to Reddit to discuss where swearing would be most appropriate in the book series, and particularly where the f-word would make the most sense. Thousands of Redditors responded to the call, all certain that there were moments where an f-bomb would make the scene even better. Based on Reddit up-votes, here are the top 10 moments from the books when it would have been appropriate to throw some vulgarity into the dialogue.
Transfiguration Is Not To Be Used As A Punishment
"Is That A F***ing Student?"
After Barty Crouch (in the guise of Mad-Eye Moody) turns Draco Malfoy into a ferret, Professor McGonagall turns on him in outrage, explaining that students should never be transfigured against their will, and certainly not as a punishment.
User comfyblues and 1.1k other Redditors think that moment could use a little more emphasis from the outraged teacher. For those wondering what McGonagall cursing would sound like, TikToker Chanel Williams could give them a taste.
Sirius Is Done With Waiting
"Twelve F***ing Years I Waited! In Azkaban!"
Sirius had been through twelve years in Azkaban, months as a dog, and the discovery that the man who betrayed his best friend was still alive. It had been a long day when Sirius is told to wait a little longer and replies angrily that he's been waiting 12 years already.
If anyone deserves a good curse word, tookittothelimit knows it's Sirius Black at that moment. By giving him the ability to throw the f-word in there, he can vent off a little bit of his frustration and anger more productively. Maybe if he had worked off some steam with his language, Pettigrew wouldn't have gotten away.
The Opening Line
"Mr. And Mrs. Dursley, Of Number Four, Privet Drive, Were Proud To Say That They Were Perfectly F***ing Normal, Thank You Very Much."
There are very few opening lines in modern fiction quite as memorable as the start of the Harry Potter series. While it definitely would have forced the book toward older audiences, NoForever4739 argues that throwing an f-word in there would "set the tone straight away," helping audiences immediately get the picture of how the Dursleys see themselves.
The abusive environment Harry grew up in was brutal enough, with Vernon doing some awful things to Harry, but it wouldn't surprise anyone to find out that the Dursleys were capable of cursing every now and then, and certainly when they were putting emphasis on how very normal their family was, excluding Harry, and how normal it would be without him.
Molly Takes Down Bellatrix
“Not My Daughter, You F***ing B****h!”
One of the most iconic lines from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows comes during the final battle when Molly Weasley takes Bellatrix Lestrange down for daring to consider hurting her daughter. Molly Weasley is a force of nature at that moment, and if she was willing to use a killing curse, there's certainly nothing stopping her from, as sxemitch suggests, throwing the f-word out there.
The phrase already has cussing in it, but as the audience was all taught by Bellatrix, one of the most evil Harry Potter characters, you have to mean an unforgivable for it to be effective. Molly Weasley meant her curse, and she could have shown that through her choice of language.
Hermione Is Done With Ron
"Just Because You’ve Got The Emotional Range Of A F***ing Teaspoon Doesn’t Mean We All Have."
After Ron repeatedly acts in a way that proves he's indifferent to Hermione's feelings and he implies that Cho couldn't possibly be feeling a mixture of grief, guilt, and more, Hermione throws out a fan-favorite line. TL_MadHungarian feels that the moment could have been even more iconic if Hermione had put aside her usual calm demeanor and let out a swear or two.
Hopefully, if Hermione had given in to her darker urges with her language, Ron would have gotten the message to treat her and others more considerately moving forward.
Dumbledore Asked Calmly
"Harry! Did You Put Your F***ing Name In The Goblet Of Fire?"
A fan-favorite scene to complain about from the films due to Michael Gambon's controversial portrayal of Dumbledore, Redditor PrimPygmyPuff advocates for a few edits that would make Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire match its film adaptation. They say that the best place for the f-bomb would be the following: "HARRY!! DID YAH PUT YOUR F**KING NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIYAH???"
This particular moment was brought up by hundreds of different Redditors, each one winning their own upvotes, so it's certainly worthy of consideration.
The Shortest Accurate Summary Of The Series
"Harry Then Did Something That Was Both Very Brave, And Very F***ing Stupid."
The third best ranking post wasn't a piece of dialogue; it was a description that perfectly hits on Harry's characterization and the structure of the books. Proposed by alltheusernamesTA, one of the best possible places for the f-bomb would come from the narrator, explaining that Harry's actions were "both very brave, and very f***ing stupid."
This phrase has been recognized as explaining the series perfectly multiple times, so it would naturally be that much better if it were to put some emphasis on how very stupid some of Harry's actions are across the series.
Lockhart and Harry's Missing Arm Bones
"Ah, F***" "There's No F***in' Bones Left!"
One of the top-ranked posts was about a scene from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. In the book, Harry broke his arm during a Quidditch match. Rather than allowing Madame Pomfrey to fix the broken bones, Lockhart, one of Hogwarts's worst DADA teachers, tried a spell that resulted in Harry losing all the bones in his arm.
Many Redditors loved this moment, but they debated who deserved the f-bomb. The original commenter, James_Posey, said that Lockhart should get to say it, saying, "Ah f***" after the spell went wrong. SimpleDan11 disagrees, explaining that "Lockhart saying 'Ah F***' would admit wrongdoing, which he never does. However, I could see Hagrid saying 'fix his bones? There's no f***in' bones left!'"
Vernon Dursley Is Done With Magical Communication
"Enough F***ing Owls!"
Redditor ToastaHands got the highest number of upvotes with their suggestion that Vernon Dursley deserved the coveted f-bomb in the fifth book. They explain that Vernon "literally says 'effing' in the book," which is the closest J. K. Rowling was able to get to the word the man really would have used.
When a swarm of owls comes down to tell Harry that he's broken wizarding law, it puts the muggle on edge, and his temper would definitely justify his use of the f-word.