The Harry Potter series has its fair share of romantic couples even if the series doesn’t focus on romance too much. While Harry and his friends start to explore relationships as they get older in the books, there is also mention of many marriages and relationships between the adults in the series. The relationship between Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks is one that begins to develop in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and ends with their tragic deaths at the Battle of Hogwarts.
While some fans like these two together and thought they were good for each other, some found their relationship a bit more toxic. Here are the five ways that Lupin and Tonks had a good relationship and the five reasons it was toxic.
10 GOOD: THEY ARE BOTH MEMBERS OF THE ORDER
When the relationship between Tonks and Lupin starts to happen, they are in the midst of Voldemort’s return to power. They are both prominent members of the Order of the Phoenix and doing everything they can to fight against Voldemort and his followers.
This shows how dedicated they are to the side of good. So, even though there is a lot of stress that comes along with being Order members, it also shows their bond is strong and that they have similar core values.
9 TOXIC: LUPIN TRIES TO MAKE DECISIONS ABOUT WHAT’S BEST FOR TONKS
One of the biggest problems that some fans have pointed out with this relationship is the way that Lupin feels like he knows what’s best for Tonks. While he might be trying to save her from pain, he doesn’t respect her decisions very much.
He tries to break up with her and end things with her because he is a werewolf, which is something that poses issues in the Harry Potter wizarding society. But, the better thing to do would be to trust Tonks to know what’s best for her instead of trying to make decisions for her.
8 GOOD: BOTH OF THEM LOVE THEIR SON
One of the most tragic things to happen near the end of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is when both Tonks and Lupin die in the fight. This is especially useful because this leaves their baby son, Teddy, an orphan.
Luckily, Teddy has many people to care for him throughout his life, but it’s still extremely sad. It’s clear that both Tonks and Lupin were devoted parents to their son, and the fact they didn’t get to see him grow up is tragic. It also mirrors Harry’s own situation as an orphan as none of the Marauders ever get to see their kids grow up.
7 TOXIC: THEY HAVE A LARGE AGE GAP
While their age gap isn’t super extreme, they do have thirteen years between them. This isn’t too much of an age gap to necessarily be a problem, but it does speak to them having varying levels of maturity and experience in the world.
This dynamic does seem to contribute to the attitude Lupin has that he can make decisions for Tanks instead of her making them for herself. So, because of this attitude, it makes the age gap between them more troubling.
6 GOOD: LUPIN WANTS TONK TO BE SAFE
While Lupin trying to make decisions for Tonks despite her insisting she knows what she wants isn’t a great thing, it does show he cares for her.
He obviously has dealt with a lot of prejudice as a werewolf, and it makes sense he would want to protect the people he cares about the most from that same pain. So, while he doesn’t go about things the right way, it’s clear that in his mind he is trying to spare her from pain and do the right thing.
5 TOXIC: THEIR RELATIONSHIP SEEMS TO ZAP A LOT OF TONKS’ HAPPINESS
When Harry first meets Tonks, she is quite a happy person. She has a charming and upbeat personality, and she seems to have a lot of life in her.
However, her relationship with Lupin and his insistence on keeping them apart seems to make her extremely depressed. She isn’t able to use her skills as a metamorphmagus, and her entire personality seems to have shifted. This definitely doesn’t seem like a healthy dynamic.
4 GOOD: TONKS LOVES LUPIN AS HE IS
One thing that is positive about their relationship is how Tonks has a lot of love for Lupin. The prejudice against werewolves in the wizarding world is quite extreme, but this doesn’t phase her at all.
She loves Lupin for who he is as a person, and she doesn’t buy into any of the awful judgments wizarding society makes about werewolves, many of whom are just victims. This shows that her love for him is quite deep and powerful, and this is definitely romantic.
3 TOXIC: THEIR RELATIONSHIP CHANGES HER PATRONUS
There is something really weird about their dynamic because of how it seems to impact Tonks. When Harry meets Tonks in The Half-Blood Prince, he notices that Tonks’ Patronus has changed to a dog-like form.
This is explained later to be because of her relationship with Lupin. It seems troubling that this relationship would alter her so much as to both make her depressed and change her Patronus, especially because no one else’s Patronus seems to change because of who they're dating.
2 GOOD: IT’S A CHANCE FOR SOME HAPPINESS FOR LUPIN
This point is a bit complicated because a relationship should be just as good and healthy for both people in it. But, at least from Lupin’s side of things, it’s clear that a relationship and chance for a family is a good thing.
He’s been ostracized from society in many ways and lost most of his best friends to death. So, being able to have a close romantic relationship is definitely a beautiful thing for him.
1 TOXIC: LUPIN TRIES TO LEAVE TONKS WHILE SHE’S PREGNANT
This is one of the most toxic things about their relationship. After they get married and Tonks gets pregnant, Lupin tries to leave her behind in order to join up with Harry and help him. While Harry might respond harshly, this is a pretty disturbing thing to do.
It’s clear from how Lupin talks about this that this wasn’t a decision he made with Tonks. Trying to abandon his pregnant wife was definitely a pretty bad look for him.