Imagine that it’s 2008. Iron Man has just launched the Marvel Cinematic Universe, blowing up the box office and heralding the indisputable comeback of Robert Downey, Jr.
Also, imagine that you are a Marvel executive in 2008. If you wanted to be fired as fast as possible, you would say, “How about we do a movie set in space starring Andy from Parks and Rec, Vin Diesel as a tree, and a particularly ornery raccoon?”
Yet, six years later in 2014, the executives at Marvel decided to take a chance on a little-known comic featuring completely obscure characters from the far reaches of the Marvel universe, and produced Guardians of the Galaxy.
Hollywood thought it would fail, but Hollywood also underestimates the appetite of audiences for raccoon-tree wackiness.
The smash success of GOTG was the final, definitive mic-drop to show that while the Marvel Cinematic Universe was commercially bulletproof, it could also take crazy creative risks and still rake in boatloads of cash based on the strength of its talent and brand name alone.
When you take a crazy creative risk, though, you frequently have to throw everyday logic out the window, which is something Guardians of the Galaxy does with aplomb.
As a result, there are a lot of things about the GOTG movies and the characters from them that just do not make a lick of sense when you think about them after the credits roll.
The Guardians cast continues to bring their particular brand of insanity and illogic to Avengers: Infinity War.
Spoilers ahead! Here are the 22 Memes That Show The Guardians of the Galaxy Make No Sense.
Yondu and Peter's abusive relationship
Here is a fun thing that people seem to forget about the first Guardians of the Galaxy movie: Yondu kidnapped a child and then held him in captivity while threatening to eat him.
Yondu plays his threats to eat Peter off as a joke, but even joking about eating him probably scarred him for life.
Since one of the major plot points of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 is how abusive Ego’s relationship is with Peter (namely, his desire to merely use him as a sentient battery to power his domination of the universe), it’s weird how Vol. 2 then tries to establish Yondu as a benevolent, caring father figure.
This meme makes that explicit by comparing Yondu to Rick from Rick and Morty, who is an obviously more abusive authority figure.
A Shared Parks and Rec Universe
Chris Pratt arguably first became a pop culture icon as lovable doofus Andy Dwyer on NBC’s incomparable sitcom Parks and Recreation.
You could always tell that Chris Pratt had booked a movie gig when Andy Dwyer suddenly and unexpectedly dropped a ton of weight and got buff, like he did when Pratt got ripped for Zero Dark Thirty and Guardians of the Galaxy.
However, Guardians of the Galaxy created a slight paradox on Parks and Recreation-- in one of the Halloween episodes, a kid is dressed up as Star-Lord, wearing Peter Quill’s trademark mask and red leather duster.
So the Guardians movies clearly exist within the universe of Parks and Rec. How come nobody notices or comments that Andy and Star-Lord look exactly alike?
How is an intelligent species unable to grasp metaphors?
Metaphors and similes are useful linguistic tools for human beings, in that they let us communicate more effectively with others around us.
They allow us a shorthand for concepts that are too complex to distill into a sentence, and bank on our shared experiences as people-- they draw us together as one by their use.
This makes it weird that in Guardians of the Galaxy, Drax’s entire species cannot grasp metaphors and only thinks in entirely literal terms.
Think about that: they can’t grasp such a simple statement as, “That went over your head.”
How on earth do Drax's people relate to each other?
Also, how do they managed the feat of space trave without being capable of the basic mental flexibility that metaphors require?
What it like for Gamora and Nebula
The sisterhood between Gamora and Nebula is second place in the “Most Dysfunctional Family Relationship” contest only to their relationship with Thanos, their adopted father.
Both were gathered from the populations of worlds that Thanos was busy destroying. Nebula, however, was picked by Thanos to test Gamora in combat. Thanos replaced parts of Nebula bit by bit with machinery, until she was barely recognizable as organic life.
This might make one ask, what was day-to-day life like if you were a daughter of Thanos? What was he like when he was at home relaxing?
It’s a safe bet that he wasn’t sipping coffee and reading the evening news when he took time off from conquering.
For someone with no sense of humor, Drax sure laughs a lot
Drax is famous for being the stoic, literal-minded, brooding member of the Guardians of the Galaxy. He has almost no sense of humor to speak of-- except, he kind of does.
Despite taking everything completely literally, which is possibly the mental condition least conducive to humor, Drax can somehow grasp the idea of a practical joke.
One of the best moments in the trailer for Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 was when Drax burst out in cacophonous laughter after Mantis read Peter Quill’s emotions and revealed his deep romantic feelings for Gamora.
It’s hilarious to see such a stone-faced character totally lose it, but it begs the question of how he can even comprehend humor in the first place.
Why would anybody trust the Collector?
Benicio Del Toro is not known for playing characters who are upstanding and honest, and his streak of sketchiness continued with his wonderfully slimy performance as “The Collector” in Guardians of the Galaxy.
As a collector and dealer in rare items (some of which are living beings), The Collector was naturally obsessed with acquiring an Infinity Stone, and hired Peter Quill for the job.
However, literally one minute spent with the guy would convince anyone that he’s not to be trusted, especially with the covetous glee that he displays when explaining how crazy dangerous the stone is.
Also, considering how many one-of-a-kind, dangerous, or unique items and creatures he holds in his base of operations, it’s a wonder that the Nova Corps haven't come knocking yet to shut him down.
What's with Rocket Raccoon and stealing prosthetics?
Rocket Raccoon has a thing for body parts-- not real ones, but replacements. During their breakout from prison in the first Guardians of the Galaxy, Rocket Raccoon dispatches the Guardians to find a number of items necessary to allow them to escape, including a fellow prisoner’s cybernetic leg.
Peter Quill successfully convinces the prisoner to hand over his prosthesis, only to learn that Rocket was totally joking about needing it, and only asked for it for giggles.
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 turns it into a running gag: when he, Yondu, and Groot are trying to escape the brig of Yondu’s ship after his crew mutinies, Rocket again inexplicably says that he’ll need a crew member’s cybernetic eye to escape.
What does Rocket want with these parts?
Groot is always happy... but why?
Pretty much everyone with a heart and soul could barely contain their squee’s of delight when it was revealed that Groot had come back as a tiny sapling after seemingly passing away during the climax of the first Guardians of the Galaxy.
When it was revealed that he had become a very dancing-prone toddler version of himself in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, the internet exploded in cuteness.
However, how exactly does Groot reproduce? Does he always have to start out as a sapling, or does he start out as glowing spores like he produces at the climax of the first GOTG?
If he breaks off a part of himself, does that part grow into a full Groot? Also, how come nobody in the galaxy seems to have encountered his species, and why aren’t there more of him out there?
Yondu Is The Real Mary Poppins
Disney, in its slow march toward conquering all of pop culture and the known universe, acquired Marvel Studios in 2009, and they’ve been taking full advantage of the creative and commercial possibilities of Marvel heroes ever since.
Get ready for another paradox, though: one of the funniest and most quotable lines in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 was Yondu’s triumphant “I’m Mary Poppins, y’all!”
Mary Poppins is a Disney movie. So Disney clearly exists or did exist in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
However, Disney owns Marvel Studios in our universe, so Disney can’t own it within the world of the MCU.
At what point did history diverge on this? Marvel clearly can’t have existed, so at least that means George Lucas never could have made Howard The Duck and gone bankrupt in the MCU.
Really, Thanos?
For someone portrayed as unflinchingly brutal and relentless in his quest for domination and destruction, Thanos sure does delegate a lot.
He seems totally over the petty political squabbles of the Kree in Guardians of the Galaxy, despite the fact that he tapped one of their fanatics to grab an Infinity Stone for him.
Avengers: Infinity War adds retroactive nonsense to the whole situation because we find out that Thanos has had a massive, terrifyingly effective army at his disposal since Gamora was a child, using it to conquer her planet and destroy half of its population.
So why didn’t he just send this army in to get the Infinity Stone in Guardians of the Galaxy? Maybe it was a holiday weekend, and everybody had time off.
Unpopular opinion about the Nova Corps
The Nova Corps might be good, but they somehow don't decide to destroy an Infinity Stone the second they get their hands on it despite knowing how dangerous it is and that Thanos wants it.
The Nova Corps do certainly seem like Marvel’s attempt to copy the attributes of the Green Lanterns Corps as a galaxy-spanning police force.
In the comics, perhaps we could argue that the Nova Corps could give the Green Lantern Corps a run for their money in terms of effectiveness. However, this isn't the case in the movies.
The Corps depend on a bunch of dysfunctional misfits to save their entire planet in Guardians of the Galaxy.
Also, in Avengers: Infinity War, it’s revealed that Infinity Stones can be destroyed and the Nova Corps seem to have been destroyed offscreen.
So, given how everybody-- except Celestials-- who touches the stone explodes, and the general potential for Infinity Stones to be misused, why wouldn’t they make it official policy to destroy Infinity Stones on sight? Or at least contain them?
Some have a galaxy, others have a Peter
Tony Stark is inarguably a boss. He single-handedly kicked off the Marvel Cinematic Universe juggernaut.
One of the best parts of his character is his ingenuity. Throughout the MCU’s first couple phases, he was a tribute to humanism, a character who used science, technology, and creativity to make himself equal to the gods, monsters, and super-people.
However, there’s only so much that you can do with a suit of robot armor and some hand-lasers.
When Tony and Peter found themselves amongst the Guardians of the Galaxy in Avengers: Infinity War, they should have been outclassed by the simple fact that they were surrounded by aliens with tremendously advanced technology. He also should not have survived having a moon thrown at him.
This is odd considering what the Guardians of the Galaxy have faced. They're a group of highly skilled heroes who have had their own enemies to deal with, but somehow Iron Man often gets the spotlight.
Drax's "invisibility" is really hit or miss
Drax seems to believe that he can achieve true invisibility just by standing still and concentrating.
In Avengers: Infinity War, he seems to genuinely believe that he can literally become cloaked from the sight of others if he doesn't move, which seems out of character for a being who is otherwise extremely grounded and sensible, if a little odd.
Except in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, there’s at least one time where he totally manages to come out of nowhere to surprise Quill and give him a lecture about his complete lack of compatibility with Gamora.
If you look closely, Drax is actually hiding just behind the doorway next to Peter, so maybe there’s something to be said for his invisibility after all.
For such a cute little guy, Groot sure is dangerous
Groot likes to dance. Groot likes '70s and 80s music, is indisputably cute, and is also a dangerous monster.
Not even his adult version of Groot seems to be as dangerous, although Adult Groot does perpetrate a considerable amount of violence in the first Guardians of the Galaxy.
It just seems a bit odd that the cute, dancing little Baby Groot also has an appetite for destruction in Vol. 2, going even so far as to help Yondu destroy his entire mutinous crew.
Before he manages to grab the cybernetic implant fin that Yondu needs to control his arrow, Baby Groot brings Yondu and Rocket a severed toe.
Who does the severed toe belong to? The movie never says, and the characters decide never to speak of it again, which is probably for the best for everyone.
How did Guardians of the Galaxy ever get made?
It’s a complete miracle that Marvel took a chance on making a movie as weird and as interesting as Guardians of the Galaxy.
On paper, no Hollywood executive would say yes to it, and yet Disney and Marvel took a chance and, thankfully, it paid off big-time.
However, it also begs the question: how did two movies about a weird space-misfit crew with a talking tree and a violent trash panda get made before Marvel had even one movie with a female superhero headlining it?
Only with this month’s Ant-Man And The Wasp do we get a Marvel movie with a female character in the title, and she isn’t even the main franchise character.
Peter Quill Dooms The Universe
Oh, Peter Quill, you headstrong, summer child. As fun as the character is, everyone involved in trying to stop Thanos on his homeworld of Titan in Avengers: Infinity War should have known better than to put the fate of every living being in the universe in the hands of Star-Lord.
This is especially questionable as it seems that Star-Lord is only beginning to discover something resembling emotional maturity.
When Thanos tells him that he did indeed sacrifice Gamora to gain another Infinity Stone, Peter rages against him, allowing the mad Titan to break free.
However, Peter had been willing to destroy Gamora when she asked him to earlier, and was only stopped by Thanos using the Reality Stone to change his weapon’s ammunition into bubbles.
Disney tried to fool us with Infinity War's ending
There has been a lot of hullabaloo about the ending of Avengers: Infinity War. Many fans were shocked to see so many beloved characters lose their lives.
At the end, Thanos uses the power of the Infinity Gauntlet and the Infinity Stones to eliminate half of all living beings in the universe-- including half of the heroes in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, heroes who we have watched and come to love, turn to dust and vanish into thin air.
Except, this isn't really the case.
Disney had already announced that sequels to Black Panther, Spider-Man: Homecoming, as well as Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3, which was in production and slated for release.
So from the moment T’Challa starts disintegrating, audiences know that these heroes are coming back somehow, which essentially robs Infinity War of any dramatic weight that it might have held.
How fast does Groot grow up?
Related to the question of what exactly Groot’s life cycle looks like is the question of how fast he matures.
In Guardians of the Galaxy, he grows from a single twig, and by Vol. 2, he’s the size of a human baby. Then, by the credits of Vol. 2, he’s suddenly a surly teenager, sarcastic and foul-mouthed.
He remains as a teenager until Avengers: Infinity War.
So, how fast does he actually grow? He went from being one dancing twig at the end of the first Guardians to a baby in Vol. 2, then a teenager in the credits.
Plus, he seems incapable of understanding basic instructions throughout most of Vol. 2, but somehow is able to not only play video games, but also make sarcastic comebacks by the time the credits roll.
Why would Thanos trust a fanatic like Ronan?
When you’re hunting one of the most powerful artifacts in the known universe, one that is an integral part of your evil plan to extinguish half of all life in the galaxy, you do not want to pass on the search effort.
If you must entrust the search effort to someone else, you want that person to be dependable, stable, and trustworthy.
Unfortunately, there is no reality in any universe where Ronan the Accuser, the villain of Guardians of the Galaxy, fulfills even one of those requirements.
So why would Thanos ever trust him to grab the Power Stone and return it to him? This is even more questionable considering that Ronan is infamous in the galaxy for being a fanatic for the Kree cause.
Thanos should have seen Ronan’s betrayal coming a lightyear away.
How does Peter Quill get batteries for his Walkman?
Perhaps the most iconic prop in the first two Guardians movies is the Peter Quill's infamous Sony Walkman.
Peter Quill is listening to the walkman when he’s first abducted by Yondu from Earth. The songs on his mother’s two mixtapes form the soundtrack and emotional backdrop of both movies.
Luckily he upgrades to a Zune when the Walkman is smashed by Ego in Vol. 2.
Naturally, Peter would try to hold on to mementos from Earth, including the Walkman and his mother’s tape. However, where would he get batteries for it?
It still seems to be running fine decades after he left Earth. Did he have to figure out how to jury-rig a power supply out of alien tech? How exactly was he able to still power it after so many years?