Gremlins Falls Victim to Hollywood

The wave of 80s movies remakes continues to claim victims.  As you all know, Tron is coming, Robocop is in the works, there’s an A-team flick in there somewhere, and rumors of He-Man are recirculating (not that I think anyone could top Dolph Lundgren).  And now you can tack on another classic, Gremlins.

This isn’t just some rumor started by a malicious mogwai - this comes from the director of the first two Gremlins installments, Joe Dante. Apparently, he told Emprie:

“I (Dante) hear they're going to make another one soon. I can see why - it would be stupid to let that title go to waste."

Really? How many times can we watch Billy Peltzer screw up and once again loose/feed/soak Gizmo?  There doesn’t seem like enough to sustain another sequel.  And isn’t everyone in the originals too busy handing over the AARP cards at early bird specials to film another one? This is all assuming anyone remembers where they've stashed the Gizmo puppet.

More than likely the original cast (with the exception of some cheeky cameo) won’t be involved.  Strike one.  Chris Columbus, the creator of the characters that spawned innumerable lunch box graphics, has adamantly squashed any notion that he’ll be involved:

"I haven't heard about it. If they do the monsters with CGI, I don't know if it would be the same. They should go back and do it with puppets again, though at this point I wouldn't be interested in being involved."

Strike two.  And what was that, Columbus?  CGI, not puppets?  Strike three.  You’re out.

Hollywood’s eagerness to reach into the CGI bin and see how they can bastardize movies that defined a generation has the potential to be its downfall.  Is Hollywood so short on plots that they have to scour IMDB for films yet to be remastered and digitized?   If the powers that be have their way, they could possibly erase an entire generation of film.  With remakes popping up like social networking sites, the new films’ progenitors will fade into obscurity until coming generations don’t even realize that the remakes are remakes! Just to solidify my point, take a gander at this list of 80s films set to be revamped in the next few years:

They Live (2011)Short Circut (2010)He-Man (no date announced)Red Dawn (2010)Robocop (2010)Weird Science (no date announced)Karate Kid (retitled The Kung Fu Kid) (2010)

Karate Kid?!?!  Really?  Didn’t we already try this 15 years ago before Hilary Swank went full-on dude (see: Boys Don't Cry)?

Seriously though, if Gremlins can fall, I would bank on an ET remake, a Back to the Future remake, and how about a Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure remake for safe measure? Where will the madness end?  These guys seem to think that throwing a little CGI into an old story will turn it into something great for the new generation.  But is there really enough of a following of Teen Witch (for real-life example) to warrant investing millions into a remake that's a waste of Ashley Tisdale’s - and everybody else's - time? There’s no way they can TOP THAT film (click the link for proof)!

So remember these three rules, Gremlins fans:  Steer clear of moisture, avoid the buffet after midnight, and let’s leave well enough alone, shall we?

Source: Empire, Zombie Chatter,

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