This article contains spoilers for Glass Onion. Glass Onion has just been released in theatres for one week only before it's available on Netflix in December, and the Knives Out sequel has gotten rave reviews. The new murder mystery movie has the same tone as Knives Out, and it's full of twists just like its predecessor, but there's one major difference; Glass Onion is way more comedy-centric than Knives Out.
Writer/director Rian Johnson has outdone himself when it comes to the one-liners. Between a trigger-happy men's rights activist, an unknowingly racist sweatpants designer, and a school teacher who hates Jared Leto, Glass Onion is full of instant-classic one-liners.
"I'm Very Bad At Dumb Things."
Benoit Blanc
Benoit Blanc is rarely so critical of himself, but though it seems like a self-deprecating quote, it's more of a pat on the back, as he's criticizing a board game more than himself. Benoit is referring to the game of Clue, which is essentially his career, and that makes the statement that much more ridiculous.
The quote continues, "It’s my Achilles’ heal. Ticking boxes, running around, searching all the rooms. It’s just a terrible terrible game." While Blanc is known for his convoluted metaphors and his motivational speeches to the few genuinely decent characters in the series, this is one of Blanc's funniest one-liners.
"She's Afraid I Will Tweet An Ethnic Slur Again."
Birdie Jay
Birdie Jay is another stand-out in the sequel stacked with hilarious characters, as the supermodel-turned-sweatpants designer is full of ridiculously idiotic statements. Between thinking sweatshops are where sweatpants are designed and overreacting to every little thing, Birdie spits out one great one-liner after another.
One of Birdie's best quotes comes when her PR manager, Peg, won't give her back her phone. Birdie is often ignorant and so out of touch with reality that she's clueless when it comes to racist slurs, and she didn't know that "Jewey" was an offensive word to Jewish people.
"Yeah, I’m Not Playing Dead The Whole Weekend, Dude."
Miles Bron
Edward Norton plays Miles Bron, the tech billionaire who invites his close friends to the island to play a physical game of Clue, and the first one to solve his murder wins an iPad. But Glass Onion isn't the first murder mystery Norton has featured in, as he also starred in Primal Fear. However, the two movies couldn't be more different, and Miles is a lot more easygoing of a character than Aaron Stampler.
When Miles unveils that he'll be murdered, and it's up to his friends to figure out who the killer is, Duke asks if they can still hang out, and Miles seemingly undermines his own game. But what's even funnier is that it's followed by Benoit solving the murder mystery before it even happens, ruining the whole weekend.
"This Can’t Shazam. It’s A Lamp."
Birdie Jay
Glass Onion does a great job of letting audiences know exactly what kind of person each character is within seconds of meeting them. The way each of them reacts to the puzzle box tells viewers everything they need to know, and instead of paying attention to the box, she tries to Shazam the song that's currently playing at her own party.
Birdie starts yelling "Hey, Alexa!" into a lamp that's sitting at a coffee table, which sums up her ditzy party girl persona perfectly, and it's the first of many instances of it. But in fairness, Alexas and lamps are starting to look a lot like each other.
"Ma, Where's My Speargun? I Got To Pack."
Duke Cody
Duke Cody (Dave Bautista) is the immediate stand-out character in the new movie, and while each narcissistic friend of billionaire Miles Bron has their quirks, Duke's alpha male, bravado attitude is always a scene-stealer. That's clear from the very opening scene when he gets angry because his mother is so much smarter than he is.
Though his mother solves the puzzle box before he does, Duke's anger quickly turns to excitement when he learns it's an invitation to Miles' island. The first thing Duke thinks to pack is his speargun, even though there's absolutely no need for it whatsoever, and it perfectly sums up Duke's senseless and irrational personality. In that respect, Bautista is almost channeling Drax.
"Duke Don’t Dance With Pineapple."
Duke Cody
Bautista loved shooting Glass Onion, and that's clear whenever he's on-screen, as every action and line is delivered with such enthusiasm, including this outrageous line when the characters are discussing their alcoholic beverage of choice. It's a testament to how well-written each character's dialogue is, as they all have their own absolutely distinct cadence and colloquialisms, especially Duke.
But what's genius about the one-liner is that it isn't just a funny throwaway line but a major clue to the real murder on the island. It's hard to believe that somebody can be allergic to pineapple enough for it to kill them, but that's exactly how Miles murders the men's rights activist.
"If I Ever Meet Jared Leto, I’m Going To Whoop His Kombucha Brewing A**."
Helen Brand
Helen is the Marta of Glass Onion, as she ultimately becomes Benoit's sidekick in the murder mystery movie, and just like Marta throwing up every time she tells a lie, Helen has an interesting quirk of her own. Helen becomes particularly hotheaded after having a couple of drinks, even though she doesn't drink alcohol.
This is revealed when she drinks Jared Leto's kombucha, which she thinks is a non-alcoholic drink, leading to the character getting drunk extremely quickly. There are tons of cameos in the movie where actors play themselves, such as the late, great Angela Lansbury, and while Jared Leto doesn't feature in the movie, he at least gets mentioned, even if it is followed by a threat of violence.
"I Am Not Batman."
Benoit Blanc
Almost anything Benoit says is funny, given Craig's Southern drawl, but when he tells Miles, "I am not Batman," it's one of the most laugh-out-loud moments of the film. The character is referring to how Batman is the "world's greatest detective."
But Benoit Blanc actually has way better detective skills than the Caped Crusader, even if he doesn't know it. The movie is full of back-to-back one-liners, as "I am not Batman" is a response to another hilarious line in which Miles screams in Benoit's face, "I'll pay you one billion dollars to tell me which one of them tried to kill me" in a frenzy.
"That’s The Hourly Dong."
Miles Bron
There are so many random moments in Glass Onion, such as the hippie Deron appearing every so often. But those random moments might eventually be revealed to be clues or hidden details when viewers get a chance to comb over the film on Netflix, just like the baseball in Knives Out.
However, for the time being, those random moments are simply hilarious running gags, one of which is the hourly dong, which is Joseph Gordon-Levitt saying "dong" in a baritone voice every 60 minutes. The cameo isn't completely random, as Johnson and Gordon-Levitt have worked together so many times in the past, including Looper, one of the best movies of 2012, and he even had a cameo in Knives Out, too.
"It Was A Tribute To Beyonce, But People Didn’t See It Like That."
Birdie Jay
While Birdie transitioned from being a supermodel to becoming a fashion designer, that wasn't exactly a choice of hers. The former model was canceled years before she was bailed out by Miles, and the reason why isn't all that clear.
All that's fed to audiences is that she wore an outfit that the public wasn't that happy with, but Birdie thought "it was a tribute to Beyonce," and that's what led to her designing sweatpants. Given how ambiguous the line is, it leaves what kind of outfit that clearly appropriated culture she wore to viewers' imaginations, making it another example of Johnson's masterful comedy writing.