Lorelai Gilmore, the fast-talking and feisty mother from Gilmore Girls, is, without a doubt, a very competent woman. She single-handedly raised a child she had when she was 16, worked her way up to become a manager of the local inn, graduated from the community college while working, and eventually opened up her own inn. But while her professional resume is extremely impressive, her behavior didn't always match her work ethic. Quite on the contrary: she could sometimes act very immature and selfish in her personal relationships.
Lorelai is a genuinely good person who deeply cares about the people in her life, but since she never learned how to regulate her emotions, she often has childish outbursts and fails to understand other people's boundaries. But even though she often acted way too immature for her age, it's her human flaws that make her such a compelling and beloved character.
Lorelai's Behavior At Chilton
Lorelai and Rory were best friends first, a mother and a daughter second. However, it wasn't always clear whether it was Lorelai or Rory who acted as the true parent in Gilmore Girls. The teenage Rory often was often the more responsible one, while Lorelai often acted way too immature for her age.
While in Chilton, Rory was often worried about her mother's immaturity. On the first day of school, Lorelai showed up in a ridiculous outfit. Later, she kissed Max at the Chilton Parent Night. Rory was clearly distressed about both occasions, but Lorelai was more concerned about Rory being angry at her than if her behavior was actually wrong in the first place.
Lorelai Fled Her Wedding Without Telling The Groom
Max Medina was the first man Lorelai seriously dated since having Rory. Lorelai and Max actually made for a great couple, but unfortunately, their relationship and especially wedding were incredibly rushed. While it makes sense that Lorelai wasn't ready to tie the knot with him, she also should've owned up to her decision and canceled the wedding rather than embarking on a road trip with Rory instead.
Not only did she humiliate Max, she also set a horrible example for Rory. Both Gilmore girls are horrible at confrontation, which is immature, but nonetheless very human.
When Lorelai Vented About Her Parents To Rory
Lorelai had a complicated relationship with her parents, to say the least. She vented about how horrible Emily and Richard were to everyone who'd listen: Luke, Sookie, and of course, Rory. She never considered that Rory might not be the best person to discuss the Gilmore family dysfunction with and that the topic might be a bit too heavy for a teenager who was just getting to know her grandparents.
In the beginning, Lorelai didn't really notice that Rory actually got along with her grandparents just fine. She never noticed her own regressive behaviors around her parents and set out to overcome them. The most ironic thing is that Lorelai and Emily were more alike than the charming heroine might've thought.
Lorelai's Behavior At Baptisms & Funerals
The viewers of the show are lead to believe that Lorelai is incredibly responsible and diplomatic at work, but those people skills, unfortunately, don't translate to her personal life and public outings in Stars Hollow. After Fran, the owner of the Dragonfly Inn died, Lorelai and Sookie couldn't wait until the end of the funeral to talk about the future of the real estate. Instead, they harassed the pallbearers.
What's possibly even worse, Lorelai interrupted the baptism of Sookie's children because she wanted to hash something out with Rory: she didn't give Lorelai her new telephone number. It was not the time and place to discuss interpersonal dramas and it definitely could've waited until the end of the service.
The Aftermath Of Jess Crashing Rory's Car
While it's completely reasonable that Lorelai was upset after finding out that Rory was in a car accident with Jess, she was way out of line when she took it out on Luke. "That little punk nephew of yours almost killed my kid tonight," she said and told him that the entire accident was his fault.
While berating and accusing him of being responsible for Rory's fractured wrist, she never stopped to consider that Luke might be just as worried about Rory as she was. She failed to empathize with Luke as a guardian, which speaks volumes of her emotional intelligence (or lack thereof).
Lorelai's Outburst At The Thanksgiving Dinner
It was supposedly Rory's dream since she could remember that she wanted to go to Harvard - or was it actually Lorelai's, projected onto Rory as a toddler? When Rory was filling out college applications, she decided to apply to several colleges besides Harvard. After all, the competition was high and she wanted to have all of her options covered.
When Lorelai found out that she also applied to Yale, she made Rory's decision all about herself and nearly ruined the Thanksgiving dinner. Luckily, Lorelai came around really fast and ended up helping Rory with the pros and cons list.
When Lorelai First Met Marty
Lorelai's immaturity was often masked as her being insensitive and rude. During the unforgettable Yale-Harvard game, Lorelai first met Marty, Rory's friend. "You're the naked guy," she said when he introduced himself, humiliating him in front of the entire family.
Especially when with her parents, Lorelai starts acting like a teenager. Additionally, she had a tendency to bully people throughout the series, including in A Year in the Life, when she fat-shamed someone by the pool.
Lorelai Threatened Dean When He Started Seeing Rory
One of the most problematic things about the adult residents of Stars Hollow that would never fly today, especially Lorelai, is that they often treat teenagers and young adults as their peers. When Rory started dating Dean and invited him for their first movie night, Lorelai gave him a threatening speech as soon as Rory left the room.
"Sweetheart, the whole town is watching you. That girl in there is beloved around here. You hurt her, there's not a safe space within 100 miles for you to hide," she told him. There is no doubt that she was coming from a place of motherly concern, but the way she handled it was inappropriate. Mature parents don't meddle in their children's relationships the way Lorelai did.
When She Was At Her Father's Funeral
Richard died in the Gilmore Girls reboot, A Year in the Life. After the wake, when everybody but Richard's closest friends went home, Emily asked the guests to share their favorite stories about Richard. When it was Lorelai's turn, she shared two stories that inevitably only embarrassed her and painted Richard as a neglectful father.
Lorelai was clearly very upset and her childhood wounds took over and she spoke like a hurt child rather than an adult woman. There are so many other stories that Lorelai could've told at Richard's funeral in A Year in the Life, but Lorelai had no capacity to come up with any of them in that highly emotional moment. She felt immense pressure and perceived the storytelling as some sort of a test.
When She Often Acted Immature Around Luke
Lorelai could get away with anything with Luke. He was always very good at communicating his boundaries, yet Lorelai never respected them. She knew that he didn't like it when people used phones in his diner, yet she never considered taking her call outside unless it was convenient for her.
When Rory was moving to Yale, she asked to borrow his truck. She completely disregarded his wishes and even tried to make him keep the Yale mattress. Additionally, she went on to complain about the vehicle without ever empathizing with Luke's side of the story. It could be argued that Luke didn't really mind - in fact, he found Lorelai's immaturity endearing.