Gilmore Girls is a television show that is memorable for a whole lot of different things, but what probably differentiates the series from most of the average TV shows is that they somehow managed to make what seems like every line in every script into a super memorable and clever one liner. Every character on the show is staggeringly funny and quick-witted, and it's honestly difficult to pick out the moments and statements that stand out from the rest because so many of them are just so funny.
However, there are always a few quips, wisecracks, and insults that manage to burrow their way into the audience's memories permanently because they were just that hilarious. The show itself still holds up wonderfully even though it ended more than ten years ago (not including the Netflix reboot obviously), and here are ten hilarious quotes that will still make anyone laugh their behinds off today.
When A Woman Gives Birth To A Crack Baby You Do Not Buy Her A Puppy
Gilmore Girls is a television series populated solely with characters that are so naturally that most people wish everyone walking around in the real world was even half as entertaining as, but when it comes to some of the most hilarious and unexpected turns of phrase in the show, Emily Gilmore is queen. Emily's prim and proper personality doesn't do a great job of hiding the goddess of snark that lies beneath, and her analogy to Lorelai that "when a woman gives birth to a crack baby you do not buy her a puppy" still cracks us up years later.
Is It Raining? No It's National Baptism Day. Tie Your Tubes Idiot.
Everyone on Gilmore Girls is hilarious, but anyone would be hard pressed to find a character in the show who is more of a straight up savage than Paris Geller. Rory's ultimate Chilton enemy turned friend is exactly the kind of enemy you don't want but the kind of friend you definitely do, and if you're unlucky enough to not be in her good graces then you'd best watch out. When she and Rory get caught in a rainstorm at Yale they rush into their dorm, where a fellow student inquires "is it raining"? And in classic Paris style she replies, "No, it's national baptism day. Tie your tubes idiot".
Did You Ever Know That You're My Hero?
The whole appeal of Gilmore Girls is it's fundamental premise of a mother and daughter who are actually best friends. The fact that Lorelai and Rory are only sixteen years apart allows them to relate on levels that most mothers and daughters can't, but they're still radically different people. Which is why it comes as no surprise that when an embarrassed Rory reveals to Lorelai that Jess and Dean got into a fight at a party over her and completely trashed the house in the process that, instead of admonishing her, Lorelai breaks out into a soulful rendition of Wind Beneath My Wings instead.
Oy With The Poodles Already!
Absurd conversations between Lorelai and Rory at their weekly Friday night dinners are not a particularly uncommon occurrence. In this particular chat, Lorelai explains that the words "oy" and "poodle" are both inherently funny words that you can barely hear without laughing, so if you were to put them together then you have a guaranteed golden new catchphrase. Afterwards Lorelai comes up with what she deems her perfect quip, "oy with the poodles already!" Shockingly Emily isn't quite as entertained by this one liner as Lorelai and Rory are, but Lorelai still finds a way to work her new slogan into the night's dinner conversation.
Buy Me A Boa And Drive Me To Reno Because I Am Open For Business!
When it comes to family fighting it's pretty difficult to match the intensity and hilarity of a typical Gilmore family blow out. This particular argument is between Emily and Richard, and as Emily furiously searches for her European luggage she rattles off all of the ways that she is going to enjoy herself on her impromptu, rage-fueled trip. When she exclaims that she is going to be drinking two glasses of wine at lunch every single day, Richard retorts that only prostitutes drink two glasses of wine at lunch. And in typical Emily fashion, she hits back with this gem of a response.
Our Days Never Included Richard Dressing Up Like That Gay Fellow Whose Tiger Tried To Eat Him
It's really no surprise that Lorelai grew up to become the queen of sass when Richard and Emily are truly the king and queen of sass in their own right. And they can be extremely witty as a team, but they can be even more brutal when the barbs that they're throwing out are aimed at one another. After decades of marriage Richard and Emily went through a brief and awkward period of separation, and after Emily went snooping in Richard's new bachelor pad with the girls she discovered a bedazzled vest that seems very atypical of Richard's usual style, prompting this colorful observation.
Now You Look Just Like Tiger Woods
And I'm sure that most of us, upon seeing Rory Gilmore for the first time, thought the exact same. What a dead ringer for Tiger Woods. When Rory is first reintroduced into the lives of her grandparents, Emily is extremely keen to develop their relationship further. Which is why when Rory takes up golfing as her school sport she strong arms a very reluctant Rory and Richard into going golfing together. And in traditional Emily style, she makes sure that Rory is decked out in appropriate golfing apparel, so after putting the whole look together Emily exclaims "now you look just like Tiger Woods".
You Offer Nothing To The World, Or Women In General
Paris Geller is definitely not the kind of girl that you want to have on your bad side, and she and Logan Huntzberger seemed like a natural oil and water combo. It's hard to believe that someone as serious and severe as Paris could enjoy someone as cheeky and blase as Logan even on their best days, but after Logan cheats on Rory it's clear that Paris has zero patience or tolerance left for the notorious cad. Logan immediately tries to repair his relationship with Rory and alleviate her hurt feelings, but when he shows up at Paris and Rory's apartment Paris serves him up this mean but astute zinger.
She’s The Serial Killer Who Goes To Work And Talks About A Funny Seinfeld He Saw And Then Goes Home And Cooks Himself A Man-Flesh Sandwich
The relationship between Lorelai Gilmore and Emily Gilmore is a complex one to say the least. Although the mother and daughter pair do ultimately love each other, they almost never see eye to eye on anything and they both have a lot of trouble letting sleeping dogs lie. So when Emily meddles in Lorelai's love life it's no surprise, and when Lorelai decides to freeze Emily out because of her meddling it's no surprise either. But despite the freeze out Emily decides to continually send Lorelai postcards from her vacation as if nothing even happened between them, which inspired this especially hilarious and vivid description of her mom.
If You're Gonna Throw You're Life Away He'd Better Have A Motorcycle
This particular Gilmore Girls retort is delivered from Lorelai to Rory, but let's be realistic here, it's something that young Lorelai probably could have said to herself as well. Gilmore Girls stood out as a uniquely droll and clever show from the very start, so it's not a huge surprise that one of the funniest and most memorable lines of the series was delivered in the show's pilot episode. In the series opener Rory manages to get into the private high school of her dreams and somehow meets a tall, dreamy boy named Dean who also happens to have a crush on her soon after. Rory abruptly becomes less interested in Chilton, and Lorelai of course warns that if she's ditching school he better at least have a motorcycle.