Paris Geller (Liza Weil) of Gilmore Girls is, well, brutal. She's blatantly honest, and she can be downright mean. Warm and fuzzy aren't exactly her personality type. Yet, she does find a good friend in Rory (Alexis Bledel), even if they did have a rocky start to their friendship. Paris worked hard at both Chilton and Yale to be the best of the best; anything less than 110 percent is unacceptable in her book. She has no time for incompetence, anxiety or nerves, and she's not the one to go to when you're having a bad day, unless you want to make it worse. Yet, she has a certain charm about her that makes us love her; despite being a mean (and even downright scary) human being, she still has her moments of genuine kindness or humor...or simply her moments of being a total badass. With that said, here are Paris's 10 most badass quotes that we give permission for you to reuse.
10 "No, it's National Baptism Day. Tie your tubes, idiot."
Paris isn't afraid of inducing hardcore cruelty even to complete strangers. Even a simple question may result in a ferocious insult. You have to monitor Paris on her moods; the worse her mood, the worse the insults. While she can tend to be quite mean, she still has a way of making us like her and laugh even in her most savage moments. In this particular moment, we've learned not to ask Paris if it's raining outside, when it clearly is. Otherwise, we'll get a response along these lines.
9 "After all the trouble this sex thing has caused me, I better have been good."
The badass part of this statement is the amount of self-confidence Paris restores in herself following her breakdown at the Chilton Bicentennial, which was even being filmed live. She basically melted down in front of everyone she knew, after having found out she wasn't accepted to Harvard, where generations of her family have gone.
Paris talks about how hard she's worked and wonders how she could have been rejected, concluding she's being punished for having slept with her boyfriend. Rory comforts her, and Paris calms down enough to declare that she "better have been good." Like Rory says, that's the (badass) perspective we know and love.
8 "We're not trying hard enough. We came here to do Spring Break, and we are going to do Spring Break."
When Paris dedicates herself to something, she's all in. No one strives more than she does to be the best, whether it be for school, for work, or even Spring Break in this case. She's ready to hit the ground running and really do the authentic Spring Break experience of hard-partying. She wants to make memories and have a good time, something that's rare on her part. To our shock, she even kissed Rory! Of course, Rory rejected, but still, Paris created that memorable moment purely out of her desire to have the quintessential Spring Break. We know who to call come our own Spring Breaks.
7 "And, no company has a higher approval rating. Did you check Yelp?"
While this isn't the most badass thing Paris has ever said, it does carry a badass quality of Paris's (that being her will, hard work and dedication to world domination, essentially). In the Gilmore Girls revival episode of "Winter", Lorelai (Lauren Graham) and Luke (Scott Patterson) go to Paris's company to discuss their options of utilizing a surrogate. This quote comes as a part of Paris's spiel about her company.
This is our first insight as to what Paris has been up to since we last saw her in Season 7 of the original show, and we can see she's gone out and conquered the world, just as we always knew she would. If you don't believe us, check Yelp.
6 "You offer nothing to women or the world in general."
Logan's a jerk. He never quite treated Rory right and Paris is protective of her friends. Plus, she's the one to call when you want to send in the cavalry. She's not afraid to get face-to-face with the enemy, stare them down and hit them where it hurts. Paris isn't afraid of Logan despite his family's prominent background and stature in society; she tells it like it is and calls him out on it. We applaud her badass tendencies here because in this case, she's defending her best friend. Who wouldn't?
5 "I can scare the stupid out of you, but the lazy runs deep."
Paris isn't afraid of clear and brutal honesty. When she undertakes a job as a tutor, she doesn't hesitate to disclose her methods or her manner of teaching. She's probably not cut out to be a tutor; she's not the most patient person and she's definitely too vicious with her insults whenever any pupil she takes under her wing makes mistakes.
She even goes as far as to ask the mother of a potential tutoring client of hers for tests, as apparently genetics are very telling of a student's ability. Nevertheless, if a terrifying tutor is what drives you to greatness, then Paris is your go-to.
4 "I came here because of your reputation. Don't make me destroy that reputation."
In Season 4, Paris is dating Professor Asher Fleming, a man several years older than her. When he experiences some pains, Paris rushes him to the hospital, where Rory joins her. Turns out it's not a heart attack but angina; however, Paris becomes a madwoman trying to get Asher anything and everything he asks for. She harasses the staff until Rory gets her calmed down, but in Paris's moments of hysteria we could see she had the power and the determination to take down an entire hospital's reputation...leave it to Paris to take on the big projects.
3 "I already wrote his name in my revenge notebook."
Only one person would keep a physical revenge notebook instead of a list in their own head, and that's Paris. When Jamie fails to contact her following their date while in Washington DC three months prior, Paris jotted his name down in the notebook, which she tells Rory when Jamie unexpectedly shows up to Chilton.
Luckily for Jamie, he more than makes up his absence to Paris and she's happy enough to give Rory that Saturday off to go to a dance marathon with Lorelai. Still, be wary of the revenge notebook...you wrong Paris, your name could be next.
2 "That's a tiptoe through the tulips compared with what you're going to find beyond these walls."
In the Gilmore Girls revival episode, "Spring", Paris and Rory find themselves at their old alma mater, Chilton, to talk to current students about their experiences. While Rory's presentation is more jovial and upbeat, Paris presents a darker representation of the world, scaring the life out of the students to the point where they require counseling afterwards. Even her one joke sounds too serious to really be a joke. She terrifies students of what lies out there in the real world, and even throws in a Joseph Stalin quote that she seems to find "inspiring." That says a lot about Paris...and a lot about her leadership and presentation skills. You don't want Paris for a public speaker.
1 "I am not your mother or your hugger. If you need some love, get a hooker. If you're having a bad day, find a ledge or a way to deal. My door is not open to you. Ever."
While most bosses try to introduce themselves in a manner that leaves a good impression, Paris is the exact opposite. She makes it clear from day one as the editor of the Yale Daily News that she is not your support system, only your boss. She has no time for personal problems, anxiety or incompetence of any sort. Paris is a no-nonsense kind of girl, and that's okay, but she takes it to a completely different level that leaves the rest of us winded. She's difficult to befriend and even harder to work for. The takeaway here: you don't want to be an employee of Paris Geller. Not unless you've got thick skin, anyway.