The only thing shorter than the screen time of Stars Hollow’s crooning troubadour is the leash that Mrs. Kim had on her daughter Lane. There are rules, there is discipline, and then there is Mrs. Kim, hundreds of miles past the line. She wasn't completely wrong about everything. Some of the things that she said actually made sense, in a roundabout, squint your left eye sort of way. However, the abhorrence of consuming one bite of chocolate-covered death (or a Snickers bar) truly takes the cake...that doesn't expire in 10 minutes.
These moments are all before the big escape, or when Lane moved away from home to assert her independence. Lane still hid a lot from her mother, but she didn’t have to go out of her way to be as secretive as she did when she was living at home. Here are 10 extreme things Lane did to avoid her mother's outrage on Gilmore Girls.
The Henry Cho Secrecy
He was Korean. He was a future doctor. He was everything that Lane’s parents would have wanted in anyone talking to their daughter, and Lane knew that. Henry was a perfect match for her parents’ expectations, but she didn’t want them to meet because she knew the thrill would be gone...for her at least.
The very thought of agreeing with her parents outweighed her feelings for Henry Cho, so she kept everything secret. Any phone calls were routed through Rory, and any dates were meticulously planned and followed down to the second, complete with fallback excuses and alibis.
The Quiet Rock Band Practice
Lane’s band practiced very quietly so her mother didn’t hear anything that would cause alarm. According to Lane, Mrs. Kim had a “special antenna that can pick up non-Christian music being played from a football field’s distance of her house,” and that there was no way that they could practice any louder than maybe another half-notch increase on the amp.
Lane went from learning to play the drums in the dark, to quietly having band practices where one of the member's breathing was louder than the actual music. Just imagine a chaotic whisper-yelling rendition of Proud Mary.
Going From Purple to Black Again
After things went awry with her band, Lane was angry about the lengths that she had to go through to make her mother happy. Maybe happy is too strong of a word, but Lane was tired of the restrictions and she wanted to make a “clear statement.” What was that statement?
Her hair. She dyed her hair purple. Well, Rory dyed Lane’s hair purple. She bleached her hair (a nice orangey color) and then dyed it a bright beaming purple. Shortly after she realized the gravity of her decision, as in less than 10 minutes, Lane wanted to go back to black.
The Fake Ad In Church
Things were going relatively well for Lane and Dave. They weren’t dating just yet, but Lane was thinking ahead and wanted to start small. She figured that she could find a way for Dave and her mother to meet without a lot of pressure.
Her big idea was to put up a fake ad on their church bulletin board looking for Christian guitar accompaniment gigs, and then pretend to notice it while her mom was right next to her. This is how Dave Rygalski ended up playing hymns at the Kim Thanksgiving dinner soiree.
A Show, A Play & Double Dates
Lane often got stuck in a twisted, but very intricate web of silk lies, and it's always fun to watch how she got there. There was the time she tried to pass The Bangles' concert off as a play about people standing on stage with instruments. In the end, she couldn't even go because her mother inevitably found out the truth. Then there was the time when she wanted to go on a double date with Dean, Dean's friend, and Rory.
She told her mother that she was with Rory and Lorelai, but Mrs. Kim saw Lorelai at Luke's diner with no Rory or Lane in sight. By the end of the show, the web could probably cover the whole of Stars Hollow.
The Prom Agreement
In order for Lane to be able to attend prom, she had to agree that she would let her mother have free reign over everything including her date, or escort, as Mrs. Kim would prefer. Lane agreed that she wouldn’t dance at the prom and that she would let her mother pick her dress and chaperone.
Another clause to the agreement was that her escort would come over for four family dinners beforehand. By the end of it, the only thing Lane would be able to do is show up. Of course, Lane had Dave in mind but in comes Young Chui.
Quick, Hide The Makeup!
Lane’s cousin was getting married, and the bride needed help getting ready. She enlisted Rory to help her buy makeup and prepare. On the day of the wedding, Lane blocked the door and they began helping the bride get ready.
When the doorknob began to wiggle, they were saved by the blockade and had enough time to hide the makeup before Mrs. Kim came bursting in. When she finally slammed her way through the door and past the small obstruction, she was suspicious, but none the wiser.
The Four-way Dating Secret
After Mrs. Kim surprised Lane with a prom escort named Young Chui, the whole fake dating setup began. Young Chui had a girlfriend named Karen, a very unsure fourth player of this arrangement who didn’t like that her boyfriend was “seeing” Lane.
The other half of this doomed play is Lane and Dave, who were also juggling their own issues. Aside from the real couples, the fake couple, Lane and Young Chui managed to hold up nicely, that is until Young Chui fell in love with Lane.
The 5-Minute Okra Avoidance
Mrs. Kim was no stranger to making food that Lane despised or food that expired within the hour, and Lane had even less time to sneak a snack. Lane wanted to have something that she actually liked to eat so that she didn’t have to rely on okra to fill her hunger.
She ran to Rory’s house because she knew that whatever they were having (pizza) would be miles better and that they would share. According to her beeping watch, Lane had one minute to get pizza and chat. Noticing the time, she skipped the Coke and opted for a second piece before running home in four minutes.
The Contraband Stash
Lane hid things from her mom all the time. Who she was dating, what she did in her free time, her interests...the list doesn’t really end anytime soon. Lane knew that her mother’s idea of debauchery started at fried food and a candy bar. So if she found out about anything, like her love for rock music, it could immobilize Mrs. Kim.
Well at least that’s what it seemed like while Lane hid her CDs at Rory’s house, or her makeup and expressive clothing under her floorboards. Usually, an under the floorboards collection includes a few passports, a stainless steel watch, and some cash.