Since 1953, James Bond has been thwarting the villainous schemes of criminal masterminds all over the globe. To save the world, he does everything necessary and often falls into a moral grey area while doing so. He lies, steals, and regularly exercises his license to kill. Starting in 1962, Bond's adventures have been coming to the big screen and audiences have yet to tire of the British agent's escapades.
The most important thing for a secret agent to be aware of is the presence of cameras. Once a moment is captured in a photograph, it lives forever. For James Bond, one embarrassing picture could mean the end of his career serving queen and country. While cameras were less ubiquitous in prior decades, they are now on everybody's phones.
It should be noted that while getting into MI6 is an arduous feat requiring intense training of both body and mind, getting kicked out seems equally as difficult, as evidenced by what Bond has done as a secret agent. He's taken people out in cold blood, sacrificed other people to save his own skin, blackmailed women (looking at you Thunderball), and cracked intolerably bad puns at inopportune times, among many other things. So what exactly can 007 be photographed doing to get him fired?
Read below to see the 15 Pictures That Would Get James Bond Kicked Out Of MI6
A Kid in King Arthur's Court
Being a secret agent requires superb acting skills. It is more than just memorizing a script, since an agent must improvise and always commit to the character they are portraying when they are undercover. However, this photo of Daniel Craig's early acting career would absolutely get him axed if it ever wound up on M's desk.
Remember, the key is to not just be an actor, but a great actor, and A Kid In King Arthur's Court was universally reviled when it first hit theaters.
The movie is so bad it may have bored some people to death, which would prove problematic for James Bond since his license to kill does not include kills he racked up before receiving it. Can he really be blamed though? Everyone has embarrassing jobs in their past, right?
Red Suit
One essential characteristic of 007 is his animal magnetism and the fact that many women find him irresistible. This skill has proven essential to many Bond stories and sometimes in some ethically questionable ways. However, this photo goes about it all wrong.
Bond's method of seduction is often aggressive, but not in a "standing in front of you more than half naked" kind of way.
Bond should know better than to try anything like this on a woman. Leave your holster with Moneypenny, James, you won't be needing it anymore In reality, this photo is from the 1974 science fiction movie Zardoz. While it did not come close to destroying Sean Connery's career, it certainly left a small blemish on an otherwise excellent filmography, save for a few other questionable choices.
A Bond Has To Stay Kempt
Bond's adventures often find him mingling with the richest people in the world and attending some of the fanciest parties and events that can possibly be imagined. As a result, he constantly has to keep up a certain image that helps him blend in with the elite. Without a sharp look, bouncers would turn him away at the door even with an invitation.
This photo of Bond number two, George Lazenby, would be in absolute violation of the 007 dress code.
Sure, George is still undeniably handsome, but the large beard and questionable wardrobe choice just won't cut it in the high stakes world of espionage. Jokes about style aside, it is a shame that Lazenby left the role after only one movie, as On Her Majesty's Secret Service is arguably one of the best Bond films.
Choking Bond
Knowing how to properly chew food is probably not written rule in the MI6 handbook, but it can be assumed. If Bond is unable to conduct himself in formal social situations, then what good is he to his country?
Among the many rules of high living, one of them is eating with grace so as to not choke on your food like Bond is doing in the above picture.
Pierce Brosnan has the most notable choking noises of the six Bonds (take note of it on the next viewing of one of his four Bond films) so if he did start choking on food someone would definitely notice and administer the Heimlich maneuver. Afterwards, he would definitely be discharged from MI6.
Captured By A Cartoon
Getting captured is no reason for James Bond to hang his head in shame. It is fairly common for the enemy to get their hands on 007, but just when the audience thinks all hope is lost for the hero, he manages to release himself from the clutches of evil. Without this audiences would think Bond is invincible and would eventually get bored of the stories.
However, getting captured by cartoons is something to be very embarrassed about.
How is he going to explain this in the debriefing? What other reaction will his superiors have other than complete bewilderment? Not only would this get 007 relieved of his duty, his bosses would also force him to get psychiatric help. Perhaps he can only save the world so many times before finally cracking under the pressure.
Bad Dancing
With proper etiquette comes the know how to display impressive dance moves. Maybe our hero has already charmed a lady with his smooth words, but if he is a mess on the dance floor, then no woman will want anything to do with him. Of course, this talk of seduction is not for personal pleasure, but just one of the many sacrifices Bond must make to defend his country and ultimately the world.
This picture shows one of the Bonds displaying sub par dancing skills and again violating the dress code.
An agent who must present himself as a high class, suave man should also not be associating himself with a crowd of hippies. Finally, he shouldn't bite his lip like that. It's uncertain if that would get him kicked out of MI6, but it is still strange.
For The Empire James?
Everyone knows who is under that suit of stormtrooper armor and M is not going to be happy to hear about it.
Maybe the Empire's policies align more with an older England, but these days the country likes to put on a less imperialist face for the rest of the world.
Though it is also possible that Bond was undercover at Starkiller Base. This would explain how easily Rey was able to so easily make him undo her restraints. The mind trick was not successful, but Bond pretended it worked to maintain his cover while still helping Rey escape. But now one has to wonder if he made it off the base in time or if that is where he met his demise and Spectre is the last Bond film.
Assassination By Ice Cream
A secret agent is supposed to be exactly what is implied in the name; secret. Subtlety is the name of the game and the rules are designed to maintain secrecy and anonymity. When the time comes, Bond is always ready to avoid an army's worth of gunfire and explosions, but until then he must remain hidden in plain sight.
Taking out a target by shoving ice cream in their mouth runs contrary to the definition of secrecy.
On top of that, having it caught on camera is a double foul on 007's record. Now all of this villain's henchmen knows it was Bond who killed their Boss and will be chase him down. Running from explosions is fun, but a secret agent has to avoid these situations at all costs.
No Compassion Allowed
And here is a beautiful photo of Pierce Brosnan and his wife, Keely Shaye Smith, in a sweet embrace. The love he has for his wife is no secret, and the marriage so far has lasted over sixteen years.
Unfortunately, as comforting as they may be, such displays of emotion would only cause James Bond to lose his job.
Every time Bond has fallen in love, it has always ended in disaster. This list doesn't want to spoil any of the movies so it won't name specific titles, but any reader who doesn't know all of the films should go and watch them once they finish reading this article. Some consider love a vital part of the human experience, but Bond should abstain from it for the benefit of everyone involved.
The Name is Bond...James Bond...'s grandfather
After seeing this photo, Bond's superiors would suggest retirement, or a desk job if he still wants to contribute to the safety of England. Even so, if he is going to work off the field from now on, he still has to adhere to the dress code.
Unfortunately such a situation mirrors the real life thoughts of audiences in the early 1970s after seeing Diamonds are Forever.
Sean Connery returned to the role for the film after Lazenby's On Her Majesty's Secret Service but he was starting to show his age. It is not a bad thing to have an old Bond, but it showed in the film itself since its set pieces were considerably smaller than the epic chases in the film that had proceeded it.
No Time Lords Allowed
When one becomes an agent for MI6, they swear allegiance to one purpose; the protection of England and its people. Being a part of any organization whose interests may conflict with this mission statement is strictly forbidden. another important fact is that one most likely has to be a citizen of England, and Time Lords are not.
What happens if an enemy poses a threat to both Gallifrey and England but only one can be saved?
Which land would Timothy Dalton era James Bond choose? Probably the one that he has been a part of for thousands of years. Sorry England, you had a good run, but all good things come to an end. To avoid a situation like this, Bond will have to turn over his license to kill.
Peace Sells...But Who's Buying?
James Bond's toolkit usually consists of violence, secrecy, lies, and deception, but the end goal is to keep a safe a peaceful Britain. The many lengths the agent goes to in order to maintain this peace is morally questionable, but at the end of the day he always gets the job done.
It cannot be definitively stated that this photo is making a mockery of peace, but the face is certainly unbecoming of 007.
What is the expression exactly implying? It looks less like he is giving a peace sign and more like he is about to do the signature three stooges gag of poking someone in the eye with both fingers. Whatever the case, it is enough to warrant a pink slip from his employers.
A Defector, Or Just Really Bad At His Job?
This picture is a complicated one. The first thought is "traitor! execution by firing squad!" But what if there is a deeper plot behind the photo? It is possible that he is undercover as a soviet naval captain. Undoubtedly it would be far from his most glamorous mission, as living on a submarine is often considered one of the most uncomfortable places to be, but such an assignment is not outside 007's job description.
However, anybody who has seen The Hunt For Red October would know that this is a dangerous mission for the agent.
His thick Scottish accent would immediately get his cover blown and get him captured by the enemy. Being disavowed and imprisoned in a soviet gulag for the rest of his life is a fate far worse than a discharge from MI6.
An Agent Can't Use His Image For Commercial Purposes
It should go without saying that if James Bond were to start having his face showcased on billboards and television advertisements, he would be hastily given the boot by his employers. Maybe, in this case, he thought he could get away with it since the ads were specifically in India.
When Bond's missions take him to every corner of the Globe, there is no safe place to be featured in a commercial.
What if he were sent to India on a mission and covertly infiltrated a party. Just when he is about to eavesdrop on a conversation to gather intelligence on a target, someone inquires "hey, aren't you that guy from that thing?" Now he has to deal with the distraction and his focus is taken away from the mission at hand.
No Muppet And Human Relationships
The sacrifices Bond makes are no secret to any fans of the series. He's done a lot of things he is not proud of and will probably never speak of after it is over. However, by no stretch of logic and imagination can charming Miss Piggy be justified.
First of all, the muppet has never been involved in world threatening schemes or associated herself with evil men who would pique bond's interest.
With this in mind, the only logical conclusion that can be drawn is a genuine romance between the two. Secondly, while it is not a stretch to believe that Miss Piggy would make Kermit a cuckold and that 007s would philander, it is more egregious when done outside of a mission. This indiscretion is too much of a blight on your record, Bond, pack your bags!
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Which of these photos is the most scandalous for you? Let us know in the comments!