Zombie movies have always been popular, ever since George A. Romero released his groundbreaking film Night of the Living Dead. A newfound zombie craze began around the time The Walking Dead came on the air in 2010, but a year before, Ruben Fleischer’s Zombieland was released.
The film stars Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, Emma Stone, and Abigail Breslin as four survivors of the zombie apocalypse that are trying to make it across the country. Even though fans had to wait a decade to get a sequel, Zombieland: Double Tap is right around the corner, so it’s time to look back at Fleischer’s film. Here are the 10 Funniest Quotes From Zombieland.
“I’VE NEVER BEEN GOOD WITH FAREWELLS SO… THAT’LL DO, PIG”
Towards the end of the movie, Wichita decides to leave the group with Little Rock because she fears attachment. The sisters set off for Pacific Playland, but Columbus decides to follow them because he is in love with Wichita.
When Tallahassee finds out he is leaving, he says, “I’ve never been good with farewells so… that’ll do pig”. Clearly realizing he stole the line from Babe, Columbus tells him it was an awful goodbye and proceeds to drive off on a motorcycle… that is until he crashes and Tallahassee tells him to get in his SUV.
“I HATE COCONUT! NOT THE TASTE, THE CONSISTENCY”
Tallahassee’s quest for a Twinkie begins when he and Columbus come across an abandoned Hostess truck. After climbing down into a ditch, Tallahassee opens the door to the truck, only to find dozens of Snowballs.
While Columbus is pleased with the pink dessert, Tallahassee is pissed as he digs through the pile looking for just one Twinkie. Columbus says that he likes Snowballs to which Tallahassee replies, “I hate coconut. Not the taste, the consistency”. The line may not be funny to people who like Snowballs, but for those that hate coconut, the line is hilarious.
“TIME TO NUT UP OR SHUT UP”
Woody Harrelson’s character is described in the film as being a bada** zombie hunter. One of Tallahassee’s most memorable quotes is “Time to nut up or shut up”. This line is said right before he and Columbus enter the grocery store in search of a Twinkie.
Tallahassee enters the store and uses a banjo to draw out a zombie before bashing its brains in with the instrument. He then goes on to beat a zombie with a baseball bat and even cut the head off of one with a pair of garden shears. Needless to say, the line perfectly fits the attitude of the character.
“I’VE NEVER HIT A KID BEFORE. I MEAN, THAT’S LIKE ASKING WHO GANDHI IS”
One of the surprise additions to the cast of Zombieland was comedian Bill Murray. The gang comes across Bill Murray’s mansion and Wichita and Tallahassee go on about how much they love Murray’s movies. Little Rock on the other hand has no idea who they are talking about and asks who Bill Murray is.
Tallahassee then says, “I’ve never hit a kid before. I mean, that’s like asking who Gandhi is.” Little Rock also doesn’t know who Gandhi is, which also seems to irk Tallahassee. Not only is it funny that Little Rock is too young to know who Bill Murray is, but it’s even funnier that Tallahassee compares him to Gandhi.
“WHERE ARE YOU, YOU SPONGY, YELLOW, DELICIOUS BASTARDS?”
While Woody Harrelson’s character is serious for most of the movie, he isn’t as tough as he seems to be. In fact, he has quite a big soft spot when it comes to his son… and Twinkies. Columbus was traveling with the group to find his family while Little Rock and Wichita were going to Pacific Playland, but Tallahassee just seemed to be along for the ride soley for a Twinkie.
At the end of the film, Tallahassee sees a sign for deep-fried Twinkies at Pacific Playland. He begins destroying the store because he can’t find a Twinkie and he yells, “Where are you, you spongy, yellow, delicious bastards”. Columbus gets spooked by the sound of a mouse and accidentally shoots a box of Twinkies, but thankfully Little Rock had saved one for him already.
“YOU ALMOST KNOCKED OVER YOUR ALCOHOL WITH YOUR KNIFE”
When Columbus first meets Tallahassee, they are seen as complete opposites. Columbus is walking down a road by himself when Tallahassee comes driving along with a bloody snow plow on the front of his SUV. After he tells Columbus he can give him a ride, he pulls out his knife in the car and Columbus mumbles, “You almost knocked over your alcohol with your knife”.
The line out of context wouldn’t be that funny, but since Columbus is very awkward and weak compared to Tallahassee, the line just works. Not to mention he hilariously throws his shot out the window instead of taking it.
“IT HAD TO BE A F***ING CLOWN”
Like most people, Columbus is terrified of clowns. When he is explaining the things that make him uncomfortable at the beginning of the movie, he says that clowns are at the top of his list. Unfortunately, one of the final bosses Columbus has to fight is a zombie clown.
In order to save Little Rock and Wichita, Columbus realizes that some rules are meant to be broken and changes his rule so that he can be the hero. When Columbus first sees him however, he says, “It had to be a f***ing clown.” Despite being petrified, Columbus was able to push through to save the day.
“OKAY, LET ME BEGIN MY THREE-PART APOLOGY BY SAYING THAT I THINK YOU’RE A WONDERFUL HUMAN, WITH GREAT POTENTIAL”
Along their road trip, the gang stops at an Indian Trading Post. Columbus thinks it’d be funny to spray Tallahassee with perfume and when he does, he immediately regrets it and says, “Okay, let me begin my three-part apology by saying that I think you’re a wonderful human, with great potential.”
Tallahassee informs him that he has beaten people up for a whole lot less than spraying perfume on him, so he punches him with 45% of his power. Columbus accidentally knocks over a lamp, which then kicks off one of the most cinematic scenes in the movie.
“YOU WANT TO FEEL HOW HARD I CAN PUNCH?”
Early on in the movie, Columbus and Tallahassee are talking about which side of the country is the safest. Tallahassee says that people in the west think it’s safe in the east, people in the east think it’s safe in the west, etc.
He compares it to a penguin on the North Pole saying that the South pole has nicer weather, to which Columbus explains, “There are no penguins on the north pole”. Realizing he is probably wrong but not caring, Tallahassee simply responds, “You want to feel how hard I can punch?”.
“ONE MORE CLEAN SHOT TO THE HEAD AND THAT WOMAN COULD’VE AVOIDED BECOMING A HUMAN HAPPY MEAL”
One of the funniest parts of Zombieland is Columbus’ survival rules. Columbus has a total of 33 rules, one of which is the “Double Tap”. This basically consists of shooting a zombie a second time in the head to make sure it is dead. The beginning of the film shows the beginning of the zombie outbreak as people are being attacked by zombies around the world.
One woman shoots a zombie as Columbus is explaining the “Double Tap”. Unfortunately, the woman got stingy with her bullets and was killed as Columbus explains, “One more clean shot to the head and that woman could’ve avoided becoming a human happy meal”.
