One of the biggest fights in pop culture history happened in 1997, when Friends aired 'The One Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break', an episode that started years of will-they-won't-they for the couple and immortalized the line 'we were on a break'! For Friends, this changed everything, from their relationship to the group dynamic to the decision to hide a box of snacks and puzzles under the bed.
Every fan knows the basic premise of the episode - it was Ross and Rachel's anniversary, but she had to work. Ross tried to come celebrate at work, she told him to leave, and it launched the biggest fight in Friends, that ended with Rachel saying she wanted to 'take a break' and Ross sleeping with Chloe, the 'girl from the Xerox place'. But who was in the right with this one - were they actually on a break, or was Ross cheating?
Both Of Them: Inability To Communicate
Before getting into where each individual goes wrong, in both the initial fight, their behavior 'on the break' and their full-on break up, it's important to lay equal blame in one area - these two do not know how to have a conversation. From the moment Rachel gets home, there is an issue, as she starts to talk about it, and he cuts her off to say that he 'understands' that she behaved badly. Of course, this is a bad sign from the start (interrupting a partner in this situation isn't a great plan), and it just gets worse. They both engage in sarcasm, shouting, and generally being inappropriate, proving that they are both at fault here for being unable to communicate respectfully.
Rachel: Ross's Jealousy
Rachel definitely has one thing right - Ross's jealousy is unacceptable. He is jealous of Mark, even though nothing has happened between them and Rachel continually reassures him nothing would, and he's even jealous of her job! He hates Rachel spending time away from him, at a career she is passionate about, and his jealousy (and ridiculous gifts and 'territory marking') is unacceptable.
Ross: She Asked For A Break
Rachel was clearly frustrated, but it's important to remember that she was the one who asked for a break in the first place. Ross was clearly ready to just keep talking about the situation, but it was Rachel who said the word 'break' - so, in his mind, she has asked for a breakup. And it's definitely true that when someone says 'break up', that's not a decision that can be argued or debated, it's final.
Rachel: The 'Break' Wasn't Clarified
Of course, the crux of the issue is the Rachel didn't intend a full-on breakup, but thought it was a throwaway suggestion in an argument, whereas Ross assumed that it was a definitive end.
Of course, Ross is still in the wrong here, because he didn't stick around to confirm his assumptions past the point that Rachel said 'a break from us' - instead, he just said 'fine' and then stormed out and slammed the door. His decision to not ask for proper confirmation or clarification was a big problem - along with not laying ground rules there for what a break would entail.
Ross: 'Break' Is Pretty Clear
From Ross's perspective, there was no need for clarification - things were crystal clear. And, arguably, a 'break from us' is language that would lead most people to assume that a breakup is on the table. In fact, when Rachel first suggests a break, he actually doesn't think she means 'break up', and suggests going to get 'some frozen yogurt or something' to cool off, and Rachel corrects him, emphasizing that she means a break from the relationship. Arguably, this was him asking for - and getting- clarification that she meant 'break up'.
Rachel: Ross Hung Up On Her
After Rachel had asked for a break, and Ross had stomped out, he called her at home - and for a moment, it seems as though things are going to end well. She is thrilled to hear from him, tells him she is so glad he called... and then he hears Mark's voice in the background, as he has stopped by with Chinese food to cheer her up. Rather than letting her explain the situation, or trusting her, he just hangs up on her and continues to assume the worst - even though everything about the conversation before that seemed like she wanted to reconcile.
Ross: She Invited Mark Over Immediately
In Ross's mind, though, he hung up for good reason. He has long been jealous of Mark and worried about that relationship, and immediately after a fight, on their anniversary, Mark is there late at night.
Of course, Rachel just sees this as talking to a friend, who offered to come by after calling and hearing how sad she sounded - but Rachel didn't think this through. She was literally sitting by the phone hoping Ross would call, or come back, and she must have known how he would react to Mark being there, but instead of calling someone else instead, she told Mark to come over.
Rachel: It Was Barely A Few Hours
Rachel may have invited Mark over just for Chinese food and commiseration, but Ross did literally sleep with someone else. And even though he assumed that they had broken up, that he had confirmed this with Rachel, and that Rachel was with Mark, it was clear that Rachel found this unacceptably quick to jump into bed with someone else. Even if they had "broken up", it was mid-fight, and it's fairly reasonable to expect that a mid-fight declaration is likely to be rescinded when things have calmed down - especially for a couple like Ross and Rachel, who are terrible with communication. As Rachel puts it, Ross's argument is really hinging on 'a technicality'.
Ross: The Pizza Pettiness
Rachel doesn't exactly look good during their second fight, and although she's understandably upset, her behavior is downright petty. They order a pizza, as they've been fighting for hours, and when Ross asks for no anchovies, she orders extra. Then, when he says he'll pick them off, she asks them to be chopped up and put in the sauce. It's a funny moment, but a ridiculously petty one, and Rachel was in the wrong to do it.
Rachel: He Kept Lying To Her After The Fact
No matter how fans feel about most of Ross and Rachel's behavior here - whether Rachel did, in fact, break up with Ross, whether there's a time frame on new sexual partners post-breakup, or anything else - there is one thing that is not debatable. Ross was most definitely wrong to not just lie to Rachel, but to put so much effort into doing so. When Rachel calls him, says she loves him, and that she hated that they fought, Ross should have come clean then and there.
It's understandable, of course, that he panicked - Chloe was at his house, he was emotional, and he was probably still pretty hungover! But after that, he talks to his friends, and then runs all over town trying to cover his tracks, instead of just biting the bullet and talking to the woman he loves. Even being on a break doesn't excuse lying like this.