Every main character in Friends had a complicated family life, but Phoebe Buffay (Lisa Kudrow) takes the prize for the most dramatic and intense backstory. Phoebe eventually learned that her mother wasn’t her birth mother, and once the initial shock passed, she began to build a relationship with her real mom – but she was mysteriously absent in later seasons. Created by David Crane and Marta Kauffman, Friends debuted on NBC in 1994 and came to an end in 2004 after ten successful seasons and many ups and downs in the lives of its main characters.
Friends followed a group of young adults living in New York City and doing their best to juggle their personal, social, and professional lives, all while also dealing with everything adulthood threw their way. Among those was Phoebe, a masseuse and self-taught musician who was also the most eccentric of the bunch. Phoebe has a twin sister, Ursula, with whom she doesn’t really have a relationship, and a very interesting yet sad family life. For years, Phoebe believed that her mother was Lily, when it was actually one of her parents’ closest friends.
Phoebe’s birth mother was also named Phoebe, and it was quite obvious that she’s her birth mother as she acts a lot like her daughter. The two started to build a good relationship and her mom was even there for her when she couldn’t decide whether to be a surrogate for her brother, Frank Jr., or not, but after that she pretty much disappeared.
Friends: Why Phoebe’s Mother Wasn’t At Her Wedding
Phoebe Abbott was a close friend of Lily and Frank Buffay, Phoebe’s father. The three were in a relationship which led to Phoebe getting pregnant. After giving birth to Phoebe and Ursula, she left Frank and Lily, and they raised the girls together – until Frank left. Years later, Lily committed suicide, the girls’ stepfather went to jail, and they ended up in the street. Of course, Phoebe wanted to learn more about her parents, and so she traveled to meet Phoebe Abbott, who she thought was just a family friend. Once there she learned that Phoebe is her birth mother (and Ursula had known that for a long time).
Phoebe Abbott’s last appearance was when Phoebe was trying to decide whether to help her brother and his wife or not, and so Abbott tried to show her how difficult it was to give up a baby – but Phoebe helped her brother anyway. The two Phoebes kept in touch after that, and she was casually mentioned twice, but she never appeared again, not even at Phoebe’s wedding. In season 10’s episode “The One With Phoebe’s Wedding”, during rehearsal dinner, Phoebe said “I want to take a moment to mention my mother, who couldn’t be here” before being rushed by Monica, though it’s very likely she was going to talk about Lily. Abbott’s absence could be justified to an extent as the wedding ended up taking place in the street, outside Central Perk, after a blizzard, and she might have not been able to make it there.
Behind the scenes, however, there might have been a different explanation. Phoebe Abbott was played by Teri Garr, who was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2002, which could have made it difficult for her to return, along with other film and TV commitments she had at the time. Or it could also be that the writers of Friends didn’t pay much attention to continuity in Phoebe’s story, and legitimately forgot about her birth mother. Whatever the case, Phoebe surely kept in touch with her even if the series failed to mention her again.