Friends was a show with an amazing ensemble cast, all playing 20- and 30-something singles in New York trying to figure out life. Each character had their own quirks, like Ross' constant whining, Chandler's witty sarcasm, and Joey's clueless and dimwitted remarks.
But one of the characters with the best, often most head-scratching lines, was Phoebe. She didn’t have the greatest upbringing and to say she was eccentric would be putting it lightly.
She was always there to provide some comic relief in even the toughest of situations, but she never forget her childhood. Which is why some of her quotes from the show are hilarious while others are pretty heartbreaking.
"That is brand new information." (Funniest)
The context of this statement is what is most important. When spoken, Phoebe is trying to pretend she doesn't know the big revelation being revealed when, in fact, she already knows. But she's not supposed to know so she has to pretend.
Except she isn't a great liar, so when she says this, it's blatantly obvious that it is not new information to her.
'If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, please give me money so I can buy a computer." (Sad)
Phoebe worked as a masseuse and had some other jobs, including a catering company with Monica. But one of her passions was singing and playing the guitar, even though she wasn’t really good at either.
Her only gig was really in the local coffee shop where she played for the handful of people who happened to be there.
"Phoebe: That's 'p' as in 'Phoebe,' 'h' as is 'heobe,' 'o' as in 'oebe,' 'e' as in 'ebe,' 'b' as in 'bebe,' and 'e' as in 'ello there, mate." (Funniest)
Leave it to Phoebe to try to help someone spell her name by spelling it out with examples that are simply her name minus the previous letter. Normally, someone might say 'Phoebe,' 'P' as in 'Pamela,' 'h' as in 'Henry," 'o' as in 'Otter," and so on.
But that isn't Phoebe. This line perfectly showcases her level of humor, complete with the final 'e' as in 'ellmo there, mate!'
Monica: "Phoebe, do you have a plan?" Phoebe: "I don't even have a 'pla.'" (Sad)
One of the many quotes lines from the first season, as the girls are trying to figure out what they are going to do with their lives, Monica asks Phoebe this question. And to describe the fact that she isn't even close to having a life plan, she says she doesn't even have a "pla."
In other words, she is so far from being prepared for life, that she can't even define her current situation as even including the entire word "plan."
"Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault." (Funniest)
One of Phoebe's signature songs she would play at the café was a different variation on "smelly cat" but this line is probably one of the funniest. She asks this mysterious smelly cat what "they" are feeding it.
I guess it isn't something good, or at least the cat is in a bad situation. But she also wants to reassure it that it isn't its fault. The food, the situation? Who knows. You'll have to wait for the rest of the lyrics for that.
"I never got to be in a club. I didn't go to high school. But three of us would meet behind a dumpster to learn French. Bonjour." (Sad)
While Phoebe always approaches everything with humor, it's clear she is hiding a painful childhood underneath all of the funny comments. this was one of those moments. She reflects on a childhood when she didn't get to do much with her friends.
Instead, she continues with her hilarious supposed knowledge of French, which seems to be limited to words like "bonjour" and "Nestle Tollhouse" said with a French accent that she swears was a secret family recipe for chocolate chip cookies her grandmother used to make.
"It's my friends. They have a liking problem. With you. In that they don't." (Funniest)
Imagine having to tell someone new you're dating that your friends just don't like them. While that in itself is heartbreaking, Phoebe's delivery of this news somehow makes it hilarious.
She tries to put the onus on her friends and make it sound as though they are the ones that have the problem. It's not you, honey. It's them.
"When I was growing up, I didn't have a normal mom and dad or a regular family like everybody else…" (Sad)
This quote, delivered as part of her wedding vows to Mike, continued: "And I always knew that something was missing, But now I'm standing here today knowing that I have everything I'm ever gonna need. You are my family."
It is heartbreaking in the sweetest way because while it references Phoebe's sad childhood, it also shows that she has finally met someone to start a wonderful new life with.
"I think the most romantic song is the one that Elton John wrote for that guy from 'Who's the Boss?' You know, 'Hold me closer, Tony Danza.'" (Funniest)
Of course, the real lyrics are "hold me closer, Tiny Dancer," not Tony Danza. In Pheobe's defense, it is one of those sets of lyrics that people always get wrong and that sounds like the singer, Elton John, is saying something else.
Nonetheless, what's funnier than her mishearing the lyrics is that she still thinks a song where Elton John pleads for "Tony Danza" to hold him closer is the most romantic tune there is.
"A house for dolls. That is so cool. When I was a kid, I had a barrel." (Sad)
In this conversation with Joey, he replied sympathetically asking her if she had to play with her dolls in a barrel she used as a dollhouse. "No," she replied. "Just a barrel."
This implied that Phoebe didn't even have dolls to play with at all as a little girl, much less a house to put them in.