Every character in Friends has its standout moments. The sitcom does a good job of representing every character on the show, whether it’s Chandler Bing (Matthew Perry) with his sarcastic humor, or when Joey Tribbiani (Matt LeBlanc) hilariously says, “How you doin’?”
However, Phoebe Buffay (Lisa Kudrow) is the most unique character on the show. While she has a dark past, she’s quirky and she has hilarious one-liners that are some of the most memorable quotes from the show. Phoebe isn’t afraid to tell people the honest truth, including these shady burns that make viewers (and Phoebe’s friends) step back in shock. Learn this lesson: Don’t ever mess with Phoebe Buffay.
“It’s Hard To Believe That Someone Would Tell A Story That Dull Just To Tell It.”
Phoebe is a frank character. She tells the truth, and she isn’t afraid of the consequences. Unfortunately, Ross Geller (David Schwimmer) is often the one Phoebe is “dissing” in her remarks. She teases him about his job as a paleontologist, his marriages, his nerdy behavior, etc.
For example, Phoebe made the mistake of thinking Ross was trying to kill her. When Rachel Green (Jennifer Aniston) acknowledges this mistake, Phoebe says, “Well, I’m sorry. It’s hard to believe that someone would tell a story that dull just to tell it.” Phoebe just doesn’t appreciate Ross’s nerdy stories.
“You Love Divorce So Much, You’re Probably Gonna Marry It.”
Unfortunately, Ross has had some unsuccessful marriages. His first marriage to Carol (Jane Sibbett) ended in divorce after she realized she is a lesbian. Then, his second marriage to Emily (Helen Baxendale) ended shortly after Ross accidentally said Rachel’s name at their wedding.
The show’s season five finale, “The One in Vegas,” shocked viewers when Ross and Rachel eloped in Las Vegas. They were drunk, but it was a real wedding. This marriage also ends in a divorce. Phoebe remarks that Ross loves to get divorced and that it’s “his thing.” She says, “You love divorce so much, you’re probably gonna marry it. And then it won’t work out, so you’re gonna have to divorce it.”
“Your Collective Dating Record Reads Like A Who’s Who Of Human Crap!”
In the season eight episode “The One in Massapequa,” the friends attend Ross and Monica’s (Courteney Cox) parents’ wedding anniversary party. Phoebe brings her new boyfriend, Parker (played by Alec Baldwin). He’s obnoxiously optimistic about everything in life, and the friends joke about him behind his back.
When Phoebe overhears the remarks, she’s quick to remind them that they have also had some relationships with quirky, strange people, including Chandler’s longtime on-again, off-again girlfriend, Janice (Maggie Wheeler). Phoebe says, “Your collective dating record reads like a who’s who of human crap!” She isn’t wrong.
“You Always See These Really Beautiful Women With These Really Nothing Guys. You Could Be One Of Those Guys.”
In the season one episode, “The One with the Butt,” Chandler meets a beautiful woman while attending one of Joey’s plays. He knows he isn't good enough for her, and he’s almost too scared to talk to her.
Phoebe reassures him that he should put aside his fears. However, at the same time, she “disses” him. She says, “Oh, oh, but y’know, you always see these really beautiful women with these really nothing guys. You could be one of those guys.” It’s not exactly the best pep talk.
“Sweet Lord, This Is What Evil Must Taste Like!”
In the season two episode “The One with the List,” Monica is a candidate for a new job where she has to create a new food product using Mockolate, a substitute for chocolate. She tries all kinds of different recipes, including Mockolate chip cookies.
Monica tries her best, but the cookies are disgusting. When Phoebe takes a bite, she spits it out. She says, “Sweet Lord, this is what evil must taste like!” That’s not the reaction Monica was hoping for.
“How It’s Been So Long Since You’ve Had Sex You’re Wondering If They’ve Changed It?”
Audiences never knew what to expect from Phoebe. She has a response for everything, and she has a clever, quirky comeback for every situation. In the season two episode “The One with Ross’s New Girlfriend,” Monica wants Phoebe to give her a haircut.
Monica asks, “Pheebs, you know what I’m thinking?” Shocking Monica, Phoebe answers: “How it’s been so long since you’ve had sex you’re wondering if they’ve changed it?” No one expected Phoebe to suddenly talk about Monica’s love life. It’s even funnier with Monica’s response: “No, although now that’s what I’m thinking.”
“Oh, I Wish I Could But I Don’t Want To.”
It can be difficult to think of believable excuses to get out of doing something you don’t want to do. For Phoebe, she doesn’t even bother trying to make an excuse. Instead, she tells the truth.
In the pilot episode, Joey asks Phoebe if she wants to help put together Ross’ furniture at his new apartment. Instead of coming up with an excuse, she bluntly says, “Oh, I wish I could, but I don’t want to.” At least she was honest about how she felt. Who else can relate to her?
“No Wonder You’re Pregnant.”
In the season eight episode “The One with the Halloween Party,” Monica and Chandler are hosting a Halloween costume party. Rachel is pregnant during this season, and she gives a child all of the candy for trick or treating—simply because the girl said she loved Rachel.
Rachel tells Monica, “I know, but one of them just said that she loved me, so I just gave her everything.” Immediately following this remark, Phoebe says, “No wonder you’re pregnant.” Ouch! Rachel didn’t deserve this shady burn.
“I Don’t Know. You Might Be The First One.”
In the season three episode “The One Where No One’s Ready,” everyone is getting ready to attend a formal dinner at Ross’s museum. He works as a paleontologist, and at the time, he’s dating Rachel.
When Rachel is trying to decide what she should wear to the party, she asks the group of friends. She asks, “Does this look like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear?” Phoebe is quick to say, “I don’t know. You might be the first one.” This is a snarky “diss” at Ross and his career. He doesn’t deserve that.
“It’s Not Really Like That Because That Was An Actual Problem.”
During the show’s fourth season, Phoebe is operating as a surrogate mother for her brother and his wife. She’s pregnant with triplets, and her hormones are out of control in the episode “The One with the Worst Best Man Ever.” Monica and Rachel are afraid to do anything that might upset her.
Meanwhile, Rachel is trying to decide if she should attend Ross’ upcoming wedding to Emily. She’s expressing her feelings, and when she asks for Phoebe’s advice, Phoebe says the situation reminds her of when she was homeless and a man offered to buy her food if she slept with him. Rachel’s confused about the connection to her situation and Phoebe says, “Well, let’s see, it’s not really like that because that was an actual problem.”
Phoebe adds that Rachel’s problem is high school drama that no one cares about. Ouch! While Phoebe’s hormones are causing the shady burn, it’s still harsh and unnecessary.