Now, we’re all familiar with Friends. Were you there watching the show during its original broadcast? Were you much too young for that, only catching up later? Either way, you can’t have missed the cultural phenomenon that the show became.
You won’t see many lists of best/most influential/most popular sitcoms that don’t feature this show somewhere. This journey of six twentysomethings/thirtysomethings through a turbulent life of love, careers and pet capuchin monkeys struck a chord with viewers all over the world.
Granted, it’s showing its age in some respects (Joey’s attitudes towards women, Ross’s steadfast refusal to allow his son to play with a Barbie), but there’s still something that’s inherently relatable and likable about Friends. It’s the perfect low-pressure background viewing.
Who’s your favorite Friend, though? That’s the real question. Is it the super-sarcastic Chandler? The neurotic Monica? Maybe it’s the wildcard of the group, Phoebe. Ah, what a character study she is. Over the course of the show, we’re given all kinds of fascinating insights into Phoebe’s troubled past and just who she is. It’s no surprise, with all of this in mind, that she’s had all kinds of trouble on the relationship front.
As with all of the gang, she has many romantic misadventures over the series’ run. A lot of these relationships really shouldn’t be considered too deeply, because there are quite a few things that don’t add up there. From her unwillingness to take a trip to Minsk, to the mystery of Denise and the romance with Joey that never was, let’s take a look at some of them.
What Did She Have In Common With David?
Everybody knows one of those couples that just doesn’t seem to fit together. They’re fundamentally different, they circles they move in are entirely different, they just don’t seem to have anything in common. As long as things are working fine between them, there’s nothing to question there, and it’s nobody’s business but theirs, but you just can’t help picking up on these things.
For some Friends fans, this was the case with Phoebe and David, her beloved ‘Scientist Guy.’ The pair meet in Season One’s “The One With the Monkey,” and immediately make a deep connection. On the surface, though, it seems that they should just be too different: the straight-laced, rigid scientist and the free-spirited and eccentric Phoebe.
Still, the heart wants what it wants, and who are we to argue?
How Lucky Was It That Mike Was In Central Perk That Day?
As Friends fans will know, Phoebe was absolutely head over heels for David, and was devastated when he had to move to Minsk for a research project. His leaving probably changed their whole destiny, as Phoebe would eventually marry Mike Hannigan, a man she first met entirely by chance.
In “The One With the Pediatrician,” Joey forgets that he was supposed to arrange a blind date for Phoebe, and when put on the spot, claims that his friend ‘Mike’ will be her date. Not actually having a friend by that name, he walks into Central Perk and desperately calls out “Mike!” Serendipitously, a man by that name happens to be in the café, responds and agrees to the date.
Phoebe discovers the lie and things go horribly, but eventually they marry as the show reaches the end of its run. Implausible as the whole ‘Mike’ business was, it all worked out in the end.
Why Didn’t She Go To Minsk?
As we’ve seen, then, David’s eventual decision to go to Minsk was what ruined his chances at a future with Phoebe. As heart-wrenching as it was for the pair, it was the right thing to do for them both. Or was it?
Moving from New York City to the capital of Belarus (whatever the show claims, Minsk actually isn’t in Russia) isn’t the kind of decision many people could just make for a relationship (particularly one in its early stages), but this is Phoebe we’re talking about. An untamed free spirit, she’s the most compulsive and spontaneous member of the gang, and she didn’t really have any ties to NYC in terms of family.
Of course, she couldn’t just disappear so early for simple plot reasons, but if anybody was likely to make such a decision, it would be her.
A Relationship With Joey Could Have Been Just What Doctor Ramoray Ordered
Over the show’s long run, there are a lot of romantic dalliances between the Friends. Ross and Rachel, of course, are Ross and Rachel, and their on-again-off-again relationship keeps us guessing right until she gets off the plane in the very last episode. Chandler and Monica, meanwhile, marry and have two children and a new house as the series wraps up.
Rachel and Joey have a brief relationship, too. Sadly, though, a possible romantic situation between Joey and Phoebe never materialises (despite the fact that Phoebe expresses interest in pursuing one several times throughout Friends).
Fans have seen this as a real missed opportunity. Rachel and Joey didn’t really seem to work together, whether as a concept or in practise, but Phoebe and Joey seem to have so much in common. Maybe, somewhere in a parallel universe, they’re together.
What Happened Between Phoebe And Ursula?
As we know, then, Phoebe is the only member of the gang to have a twin sister: Ursula. The Friends have many, many siblings between them (Joey has seven sisters himself), but Ursula seems to live the closest. However, she’ rarely features in the show, and there’s a terrible estrangement between the two.
Much of this is due to the fact that Ursula and Phoebe are just so different. While Phoebe always tries to be giving and do the right thing, her twin is incredibly self-centered, manipulative, and downright hostile.
We never get much detail on why exactly this is, or what caused the rift between the pair. When they lose their adoptive mother, Ursula goes into care while Phoebe is left to fend for herself on the streets, but we’re none the wiser as to how that came to pass.
Where Did Phoebe’s Birth Mom Go?
Earlier in the show’s run, we learn a little more about Phoebe’s family. The mom that she tragically lost, Lily, wasn’t her birth mother. This was actually Phoebe Abbott, a very close friend of Lily’s (after whom Phoebe was presumably named).
We meet Phoebe Abbott in the Season Three finale, “The One At The Beach,” and her relationship with the daughter she gave up is understandably strained. However, later, the two become a little closer (Phoebe confides in her mother when she’s agonizing over the decision to be the surrogate for her half-brother’s children), and it’s unfortunate that Phoebe Abbott disappears from the show later on.
Her last appearance is in Season Four, eleven episodes later, in “The One With Phoebe’s Uterus.” It’s just a case of other plotlines taking priority, but it’s a shame.
Why Couldn’t Phoebe And Leslie Repair The Rift?
Phoebe may be a masseuse, but, as we see so many times throughout the series, her true passion is music. Earlier in the show, she would perform for the patrons of Central Perk (although she wasn’t paid for doing so), and one of the defining aspects of her character is her hilarious guitar-playing and even more questionable songwriting.
With all of this in mind, it’s such a pity that her professional relationship with Leslie didn’t work out.
After the two parted ways, Leslie went on to become a writer and performer of TV jingles, and when she briefly returns, she tries to market Smelly Cat. She does so behind Phoebe’s back, in fact, which results in a permanent rift between the two.
Leslie is never seen again in the show. It was so typical of Phoebe to reject the whole commercialization thing, but she definitely missed a trick here. Music is her calling, after all.
How Can She Suddenly Talk Fluent Italian?
As Rachel herself says, Phoebe has always been “somewhat of a question mark.” The defining element of her character is her enigmatic nature, her unpredictability, the glimpses of her past that she suddenly gives so nonchalantly. Even to the gang, who know her the best, she’s a real mystery.
She constantly reveals more surprising abilities than a comic book superhero, and many of them are contradictory. In one instance, Rachel’s Italian beau Paolo speaks to her in his native language, and Phoebe clearly has no idea what he’s saying. Later, though, Joey’s grandmother (who only speaks Italian) visits, and she’s suddenly able to converse with her fluently, surprising even herself (“Wow, Pheebs, you speak Italian?” “…I guess so!”)
Perhaps she’s just very close with Joey’s nan. Who knows?
Who Is Denise?
So, yes. In the end, the only things we really know about Phoebe is that we don’t know Phoebe. Every character has a trait that they can play for laughs (this is a sitcom, after all), and hers is that all kinds of darkly humorous situations have occurred over her curious life.
She’s able to use this air of mystery to her own advantage, too. When Rachel needs somewhere to live after Chandler moves in with Monica, Phoebe invents (or doesn’t, we don’t really know) a roommate named Denise.
The gang expresses surprise that Phoebe can have a roommate none of them know about, but she claims this is because they haven’t been listening ("I talk about her all the time. DENISE!”). We don’t know whether there ever was a Denise, or what happened to her, but in “The One In Vegas, Part 1,” Phoebe confirms that she lives by herself.
Did She Really Think That The Relationship With Sergei Would Work Out?
Through the course of the show, Joey was probably the friend with the least desire to settle down. His dating attitudes are well known by just about everyone in the show. While Phoebe completes her Friends journey happily married, she’s also displayed some of those traits at times too.
Her relationship with Sergei, for instance, was clearly a non-starter from the off. In “The One Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break,” she’s dating the foreign diplomat, who hails from a country whose name she can’t pronounce. He doesn’t speak a word of English (other than ‘plate’), and Phoebe soon grows to resent his interpreter, Mischa, who accompanies them on their dates so the two can at least begin to communicate.
It’s no surprise that this relationship lasts only for that one episode. Monica certainly seemed smitten with Mischa, though.
How Did The Duncan Situation Get So Messy?
Some casual fans won’t know this, but Phoebe was actually married just as many times as Ross: three, overall. Her eventual marriage to Mike Hannigan was preceded by a wedding in Las Vegas (to somebody whose name we never learn) and a marriage to Duncan Sullivan, who we meet in the aptly-named “The One With Phoebe’s Husband.”
We know the logistics of their story: Duncan was a close friend who Phoebe married to prevent his being deported.
He believed himself to be gay at the time, though Phoebe fell in love with him and was devastated when the traveling ice dancer left.
In the episode, Duncan returns and asks Phoebe for a divorce, having realized that he isn’t gay after all (and wants to marry a woman he now loves). The whole thing’s just rife with complications.
What Happened With Her Dad?
So, yes. As we know, Phoebe did find her birth mother, though their relationship was only explored for a few short episodes. We never learn whether the two women have any further contact.
The same is true of Phoebe’s father, Frank Buffay Sr., who appears in “The One With Joey’s Bag” in Season Five. Phoebe has a chance encounter with her father at her grandmother’s funeral, and this eventually sparks a brief meeting between the two.
Phoebe is unwilling to forgive the father who abandoned her but takes the first steps towards reconnecting with him in a heart-warming scene. After this, Frank is never seen again, so we’re stuck in the same situation: did the two ever meet again? Did Frank Sr. get to meet his grandchildren? Other storylines took precedence, and we don’t know.
Why Did She Move In With Gary?
As the series progressed, Phoebe became more open to the idea of commitment and settling down in a serious relationship. As tends to be the case, though, she didn’t get all of that quite right the first time.
One of her first relationships that showed signs of developing a future was with Gary, the policeman she dated during Season 5. The two really hit it off when they meet (which is ironic, as he intended to arrest her for keeping his badge and impersonating a police officer), and in the space of a few episodes, he asks her to move in with him.
Phoebe thinks it’s too soon but relents when she sees how upset her refusal makes him. Ultimately, though, they just didn’t know each other well enough, as we soon see: Phoebe breaks things off with Gary after he shoots a bird that singing on their windowsill in the morning.
How Could She Have Been So Nice To Malcolm?
As we’ve seen, there’s definitely no love lost between Phoebe and Ursula. This is such a shame, considering how important the concept of family is to Phoebe (and how close by Ursula lives and works), but this is just the way things are sometimes.
Estrangements are rough at the best of times, and being twins certainly complicates matters much further. Malcolm is another man Phoebe develops a short-lived relationship with, until the fact that he had been stalking Ursula since their own break-up. This proves too much for Phoebe, who breaks up with Malcolm but offers to help him get over Ursula (by turning his attention to her instead, as a sort of ‘Ursula patch’).
Considering the whole situation, even with her kindly nature, it’s tough to accept that Phoebe would really go along with this.
What Happened With Clifford Burnett?
Later in the series, while Rachel is having her baby, Phoebe has another romantic misadventure. At the hospital, she meets a charming young man named Clifford Burnett, a patient who broke his leg in a car accident. Wary of falling for another man who turns out to be all wrong for her, she sends Joey into his room first (posing as Doctor Drake Ramoray) to ask him some questions.
The queries prove very personal, and when Clifford takes offense and realizes the truth, Joey reveals some equally personal truths about Phoebe to try and make up for it. All in all, it’s not the most auspicious start, but the young man proves very understanding and forgiving. He and Phoebe seemed so compatible in general, and perhaps this could have led somewhere.
What Was The Deal With Parker?
As you’ve probably noticed, the world isn’t in the greatest place right now. You can’t even scroll down a social media feed without finding about twelve different reasons to be pretty darn worried about the state of things.
Nevertheless, you’ve got to keep that glass of yours half-full. It’s the only way to weather the storm. At the same time, you don’t want to go too enthusiastic and positive either.
Take Parker, Phoebe’s boyfriend of two Season Eight episodes. His glass sure wasn’t half full. It was so darn full that it had spilled all over the rug and leaked through to the neighbors’ place. Relentlessly positive about absolutely everything, Phoebe admired his attitude and stuck with him until it just proved too much. Another case of her setting too much stock in destiny and such.
Why Was She Dating Don?
As we saw in the last entry, Phoebe believed that the universe was going to introduce her to a fantastic man, which ultimately led to her relationships with Parker and Jim (who we’ll meet a little later in this rundown). The mystical forces of fate and destiny mean a great deal to her, which would naturally suggest that she’s a big believer in the concept of soulmates.
With that in mind, then, her relationship with Don in “The One Where Joey Tells Rachel” doesn’t really make sense. She is also known to be a woman guided by her principles and ethics, so the fact that she’s convinced she’s dating Monica’s soulmate (a tall, handsome, British chef who loves cheese) really should be troubling her.
Her offhand response “he may not be my soulmate but a girl’s got to eat” seems especially out of character, even disregarding Monica and Chandler’s relationship.
What happened With Robert?
TV shows and movies, as we know, come with all kinds of odd little quirks that we’re not supposed to question. That’s not real life on that movie theatre/TV/tablet screen, after all, and it’s not fair to treat it as though it is.
Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger only have to reload twice in two hours on almost constant shooting? Because it’s a movie, that’s why. Why did Phoebe’s relationship with Robert only last one episode? We can’t question that too closely, either.
At the same time, however, the fact that he wore rather ‘revealing’ shorts was hardly grounds for a break-up, was it? We didn’t have time to learn very much about Phoebe’s latest beau, so who’s to say whether things would’ve worked out, but perhaps given the chance…
Where Did Jim Nelson Go?
So, we’ve covered the fact that most people have sketchy dating experiences in their twenties and thirties. That’s what these life milestones are all about, really. The gang each have their own individual failed relationship stories, and they confide in and console each other. That’s what that theme song is all about.
Of all the Friends' perspective relationships that went south at the speed of light, the whole uncomfortable business with Jim Nelson was among the worst.
This was the supposed ‘great guy’ that the universe promised Phoebe (she’d been seeing him everywhere), but soon revealed himself to be gross and unpleasant when they went on their first date.
So much so, in fact, that Phoebe was initially afraid to go back to the coffeehouse, her grocery store and other familiar places (he frequented them all too). Very soon, though, he’d been completely forgotten about, and was never brought up again. Where did he go?
Whatever Happened To Ryan?
While Phoebe later tells Mike that’s she’s never been in a serious relationship (although a lot of the men featured in this rundown would probably have a little something to say about that), she has been in a relationship that began before the start of the series and was never technically ‘ended’.
She met Ryan before the start of the show, a navy man who tipped her for her guitar playing in saltwater taffy because he didn’t have any money on him. As the Friends Wiki explains, they dated, but could only see each other for a few days every couple of years, while Ryan was on leave.
The rest of the time, he was cooped up in his submarine. Over the timeline of the show, we only see him once (in Season Two’s “The One With The Chicken Pox”), and never find out if they have any further contact in that time. Yet another Phoebe mystery.