Friends: Phoebe Buffay’s 10 Most Badass Quotes


Phoebe Buffay might be known for her peculiar one-liners and unconventional lyrics, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that she’s a total badass. After all, she did grow up on the streets. And she has the guts to perform in front of the Central Perk crowd nearly every day. She’s the friend who isn't afraid to tell it like it is, which always seems like a slap in the face coming from her. Her demeanor is moderately chill, so when she makes this kind of rigorous comment, it’s all the more effective.

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Her eccentric personality is what she brings to Friends, and without it, the show wouldn’t have been the same. Here are Phoebe Buffay's most badass quotes.

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Lisa Kudrow as Phoebe Buffay in Friends
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10 'I’m sorry I won’t be able to make it to your imaginary wedding, but I’m really busy that day'

Lisa Kudrow as Phoebe Buffay in Friends

This quote is in reference to Rachel telling her father that she is getting married. In "The One with the Stripper," after a brief scolding from Dr. Green, Rachel throws out a date for her and Ross‘s unplanned wedding. Phoebe later throws in this quip followed by “Yeah, I already have a unicorn baptism and a leprechaun bar mitzvah.”

9 'Well, Let's See, It's Not Really Like That Because That Was An Actual Problem'

Friends Phoebe Buffay

In season four's “The One with the Worst Best Man Ever," Rachel is complaining and stressing about Ross’s upcoming wedding. Phoebe then says in response, “This reminds me of the time when I was living on the street and this guy offered to buy me food if I slept with him.“

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When Rachel asks how the situation got to that point, Phoebe coyly reacts with “Well let’s see, it’s not really like that because that was an actual problem." Harsh.

8 'If We Were In Prison, You Guys Would Be Like, My Bitches'

Courteney Cox, Jennifer Aniston, Lisa Kudrow as Monica, Rachel and Phoebe in Friends

Being best friends, Monica and Rachel are prone to fight from time to time. In one instance where this almost gets physical, Phoebe separates the two by holding them apart by their heads. Enjoying the moment, Phoebe says, “If we were in prison, you guys would be, like, my bitches." Phoebe frequently finds herself in the middle between these two, but you have to admit that she makes a great referee.

7 'Oh, I Wish I Could, But I Don't Want To'


Again, Phoebe doesn’t hold back about her feelings. When the boys ask if Phoebe wants to help put together Ross' new furniture, Phoebe is blunt about her feelings towards this activity.

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It is what anyone would be thinking if someone were to ask them to help with this sort of tedious task, but most of us would usually relent and help out. Not Phoebe.

6 'I Have To Go Before I Put Your Head Through A Wall'


In “The One Where Joey Speaks French," Phoebe tries to help Joey who is auditioning for a play. The play requires him to speak French, which Phoebe inexplicitly knows pretty well. By the end of their session, Phoebe says that teaching Joey is too hard. She turns to leave and when Joey asks what she’s doing, she replies that she has to leave before she puts his head through a wall.

You have to respect her candor.

5 'I don’t know, you might be the first one'

Lisa Kudrow as Phoebe and Jennifer Aniston as Rachel in Friends

Like most girlfriends, Phoebe sits by as Rachel tries to pick out an outfit to wear on a date with Ross. When she asks if a certain garment looks like it’s something a paleontologist's girlfriend would wear, her reply is “I don’t know, you might be the first one." Phoebe has no shame in poking fun at any of her friends, but it seems to be the most hilarious when her target is Ross.

4 'Is Your Boyfriend The Boss Of You?'


In one of the earlier episodes, before Rachel really finds her footing, she lets people walk all over her. Phoebe never understands this, being the independent hero that she is. So when she’s trying to show Rachel how to combat this way of thinking, she asks, “Is your boyfriend the boss of you?”.

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Rachel responds with "no,' so Phoebe pushes her more with “Okay, who is the boss of you?" Rachel assumes at this point that Phoebe is the boss, but she sets her straight. In one of her more badass quotes she replies with, "No. YOU are the boss of you.”

3 'Well, I'm Sorry, But It's Hard To Believe That Someone Would Tell A Story That Dull Just To Tell It'

This one is another funny dig at Ross. When Rachel brings up the fact that Phoebe thought that Ross was trying to kill her the previous week, this is her response. Audiences know that Ross's stories can go on, especially in regards to anything intellectual. He is notorious for boring people to death, which apparently, is what Phoebe believes that Ross is trying to do to her.

2 'I’m a pacifist. But when the revolution comes, I’ll destroy all of you'


To her credit, Phoebe is well known as a peacekeeper within the group. She doesn’t stir up much drama unless it’s one of her strange antics. So when she says she’ll destroy all of her friends “when the revolution comes in" it’s something that should be taken seriously. She follows this up with, “Except for you, Joey.“

1 'Boyfriends and girlfriends come and go, but this is for life'

Lisa Kudrow as Phoebe and Courtney Cox as Monica in Friends

This quote pretty much sums up the entire concept of Friends. Each set of characters goes through their own relationship turmoils, but the one thing that remains the same is their unyielding friendship.

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Through Chandler's neurotic humor, Joey’s questionable acting career, Ross's many failed marriages, Monica's obsessive control, and Rachel’s need to grow up, they all get through it together because, as Phoebe so eloquently puts it, “this is for life.“

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