Friends: The 10 Most Hilarious Quotes From Phoebe Buffay


Offbeat, ditzy, and flakey are just some adjectives used to describe the quirkiest member of the Friends gang, Lisa Kudrow's Phoebe Buffay. It's difficult to describe Phoebe, because she can be dim-witted one moment and wise the next. The one thing that always defined her, however, was her frankness, which is a running gag on the show.

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Over the course of ten seasons, Phoebe Buffay constantly cracked us up with her weird statements, even weirder songs, and all kinds of interesting beliefs. Today, we're counting down Phoebe's best lines. For this list, we left out song lyrics, because they deserve a list of their own.

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10 “Come On, Ross, You're A Paleontologist. Dig A Little Deeper."


Ross's job has often been the butt of the joke among the six friends. They've all made fun of him for telling them boring museum stories, lecturing them about science, and, well, just being a paleontologist. In "The One with the Ring," Ross can't figure out why Chandler could possibly be mad at him, prompting Pheebs to offer some advice while poking fun at his profession: "Come on, Ross, you’re a paleontologist. Dig a little deeper."

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Phoebe and Ross have always had these fascinating and hilarious interactions where Phoebe would play mind games with Ross by attempting to speak his language, such as in this case.

9 “Your Collective Dating Record Reads Like A Who's Who Of Human Crap!"


Phoebe is not one to mince words. That much was clear from the very first episode. She’s always been honest with herself and her friends, which is one of the qualities we most admire about her. Luckily, her brutal honesty also gave us countless hilarious lines that we will never forget.

Like the time she called out her friends for mocking her new boyfriend by saying, "Your collective dating record reads like a who’s who of human crap!" She even listed some examples: Janice, Mona, and Tag. She wasn’t wrong, either; they have all dated some pretty lousy people.

8 “Something Is Wrong With The Left Phalange."


Throughout the show, Phoebe often uses the alter ego Regina Phalange. We hear it in “The One with Ross’s Wedding” when she introduces herself as Ross’s doctor, Dr. Regina Phalange, and in “The One Where Joey Speaks French” when she introduces herself as Régine Phalange. The final reference to her alter ego comes in the very last episode, when she attempts to get Rachel to get off the plan with this hilarious line: "Something is wrong with the left phalange."

Sure, phalanges are the bones that make up the fingers of the hand and the toes of the foot, but thanks to Pheebs we will always associate the term with planes.

7 “Pick Up The Sock!”


The Season 9 episode “The One with Phoebe’s Birthday Dinner” has quite a few hilarious moments – from Ross’s sarcastic story to Phoebe’s overly courteous interaction with the stuck-up waiter at the fancy restaurant. But the most memorable line from this episode is probably Phoebe screaming at the top of her lungs: "Pick up the sock, pick up the sock!"

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Having waited for everyone for over an hour and lost the big table, Phoebe was more than a bit on edge. When she could no longer take any of it, she just let it all out.

6 "That Is Brand-New Information!"


In the Season 8 episode “The One Where Rachel Tells…,” Rachel finally tells Ross that she’s having his baby. Of course, everyone else already knew, but they all had to pretend not to, so that Ross wouldn’t think he’s the last one to find out. When Ross breaks the “news” to Phoebe and Joey, they try to act surprised and Phoebe yells out: "That is brand-new information!"

Her obviously fake bewilderment comes off sarcastic and Ross isn’t fooled in the slightest. This unforgettable moment was immortalized in memes and gifs, which we regularly use to feign surprise.

5 “Oh, You Like That? You Should Hear My Phone Number."


When Rachel gets a promotion at Ralph Lauren, she also gets to hire her own assistant. Made to choose between dumb, old, perfect-for-the-job Hilda and so-pretty-I-want-to-cry Tag, Rachel does the professional thing and hires Hilda. Just kidding, she totally hires the cute guy. When Phoebe surprises Rachel at work and meets Tag, he tells her that she has a great name. In response, Phoebe teaches us all how to flirt: "Oh, you like that? You should hear my phone number."

This hilarious line became immensely popular among fans, as evidenced by all the gifs and memes. It's one of the most important life lessons Phoebe taught us.

4 “They Don't Know That We Know They Know We Know."


In what is arguably the funniest Friends episode ever, “The One Where Everybody Finds Out,” Phoebe finds out about Chandler and Monica, so she and Rachel decide to mess with the happy couple. However, Monica and Chandler figure out what they’re trying to do and hatch a plan of their own.

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In the midst of the madness is poor Joey, who just wants to stop keeping everyone's secrets. Unfortunately for him, his friends have other plans, because, as Pheebs put it: "They don’t know that we know they know we know." If that’s got your head spinning, you’re not the only one. In an episode packed to the brim with hilarious lines, this one is our favorite.

3 “I Don't Even Have A 'Pla'."


In the Season 1 episode “The One With George Stephanopoulos,” the girls throw a slumber party at Monica’s apartment, but Rachel bums everyone out after having a horrible day. The girls do their best to cheer her up, but they soon end up in the same miserable mood as Rachel. Monica asks Phoebe if she has a plan for the future, to which Pheebs says something we’ll never forget: "I don’t even have a 'pla-'."

Make no mistake, their entire conversation is almost painfully relatable (which is why this episode is timeless), but it is Phoebe’s hilarious zinger that we find ourselves quoting again and again.

2 “I Wish I Could, But I Don't Want To."


Coming up with excuses when you really don’t want to do something isn't always easy, and let’s face it, most people probably notice when you’re lying to get out of something. Which is why we should all just follow Phoebe’s example and be completely blunt. When Joey asked Pheebs if she wanted to help them put together Ross’s new furniture, Phoebe simply said: "I wish I could, but I don’t want to."

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Sometimes, honesty really is the best policy. Why bother coming up with fake plans, previous commitments, and all that nonsense, when you can just channel your inner Phoebe?

1 “Oh, No."


All six of the friends had a catchphrase or a running gag of a kind. Joey had “how you doin,’” Rachel had her drawn-out “noooo,” Monica had the high-pitched “I know!” Chandler put awkward inflections on certain words (could he BE any funnier?!), Ross had his depressing “hi” (as well as the infamous “we were on a break”), and Pheebs had the "Oh, no."

When something bad would happen, this was Phoebe's standard-issue reaction. For example, she used the line when her car ran out of gas in “The One Without the Ski Trip” or when her cop boyfriend shot a bird in “The One with the Ball.” It’s a timeless line that we will quote forever.

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