Friends: Chandler Bing's 10 Best One-Liners

Chandler Bing, the ultimate Sarcasm King, is arguably the most popular Friends character. Chandler being a fan-favorite isn't surprising, since he is one of the wittiest sitcom characters ever created. The writers made sure to provide Matthew Perry with memorable and hysterical one-liners, which he delivered with utmost perfection.

Over the course of ten seasons, Chandler had way more funny quips than any character should be allowed to. With so many awesome lines to chose from, picking the top ten for this list was almost as hard as picking which child to bring home from the Department of Human Services. And since there are too many honorable mentions to mention, let's just check out the Chan-Chan man!

"I’m Chandler; I make jokes when I’m uncomfortable."

In season six episode “The One with the Proposal: Part 1”, Chandler and Monica run into Richard and his date just when Chandler was about to propose. Monica points out that Richard’s mustache is back and Chandler, feeling uncomfortable, jokes about Richard’s date not having a mustache. Realizing his joke fell flat, and feeling increasingly awkward, Chandler follows it up with this hilarious introduction.

Indeed, some of Chandler’s best one-liners happened because he was put in an uncomfortable situation. Not only is it funny and adorable how he manages to keep joking even in his moment of self-reflection, but these kinds of situations are what make Chandler so relatable. Who hasn't cracked a joke at an inappropriate moment just to avoid actually having to deal with something uncomfortable, inadvertently making the whole thing even worse?

"Hey, come on, I say more dumb things before 9 a.m. than most people say all day."

The season four episode “The One with the Fake Party” opens with a pregnant Phoebe looking around Monica’s kitchen in search of something she wants to eat. In her frustration, Phoebe knocks over a box of cereal, prompting Chandler to make the obligatory pun by referring to her as a cereal killer. Monica mocks him, but Chandler brushes it off with a self-reflective and relatable reply.

Yet another perfect example of Chandler being blatantly honest about who he is. Plus, most of us can relate to Chandler, which makes this line even funnier. Don't worry Chandler, we’ve always found your so-called dumb things side-splitting.

"Well, maybe he was nervous."

Some of Chandler’s best one-liners were the ones that weren’t on-the-nose, like this gem from season two episode “The One Where Ross and Rachel… You Know”. In this scene, the group is hanging out at Joey and Chandler’s and Ross is on the phone with someone from the museum.

He starts discussing some display saying that Australopithecus wasn’t supposed to be there because, unlike Homo Habilis, he was never fully erect. Of course, Chandler doesn’t let such a set-up go to waste and interjects this little zinger. Ross just gives him an exasperated look and goes back to his conversation, but we know he wishes he could be laughing as loud as we are.

"Gum would be perfection."

In one of the Friends’ best episodes, “The One with the Blackout”, the group is spending the candle-lit evening at Monica and Rachel’s apartment, with the exception of Chandler, who gets stuck in an ATM vestibule with Victoria’s Secret model Jill Goodacre. The whole ordeal is one of the funniest Chandler moments on the show, given that we can hear everything that races through his mind. Though everything Chandler says (and thinks) in this episode makes us laugh hysterically, he delivers his best line when Jill offers him gum.

After refusing her offer at first, Chandler changes his mind and utters this unforgettable line, much to his own bemusement. He then proceeds to internally bemoan his poor choice of words, and all we can do is laugh and suffer with him, because – let's be real, everyone has their own "gum would be perfection" moment.

"I'm not great at the advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"

In season eight episode “The One with the Tea Leaves”, a desperate Rachel vents to Chandler about being afraid of losing Joey as a friend now that he's admitted to having feelings for her. Chandler listens to her, but once it’s his turn to actually say something useful he admits he might not be of much use to her in the most Chandler way possible.

This one line perfectly sums up who Chandler is. Sarcasm and humor are his defense mechanisms; for any serious advice, you should address his wife. Not only is this one-liner one of Chandler's funniest quotes, but it’s also suitable for use in real life.

"I'm hopeless and awkward and desperate for love!"

Chandler’s fear of commitment was a running gag for a good portion of the show’s run – up until he tied the knot with Monica. Naturally, this was excellent comedic fodder, especially when it came to Chandler’s relationship with Janice. In season three, the two start things up once again and Chandler decides it’s time to take the relationship to the next level. After taking advice from the girls, he ends up scaring Janice by moving way too fast. In one last-ditch effort to stop her from leaving, he yells out this line.

And though we may laugh, we certainly sympathize with Chandler too. Most people won’t admit it, but we’re all hopeless and awkward and desperate for love. The reason this quote is so funny is because it’s relatable, as evidenced by the overwhelming popularity and use of this gif.

"I’m sorry we, we don’t have your sheep."

When Rachel agreed to be a maid of honor at Barry and Mindy’s wedding, she intended to use the occasion to show everyone that walking out on her privileged life was the best decision she’s made and that she feels good about who she is now. However, it’s a bit difficult to feel good about yourself when you look like Little Bo-Peep. This similarity was pointed out by Chandler with this deep-cut zinger.

Chandler just couldn't pass up on the opportunity to make fun of Rachel, so he compared his poor puffy-dress-and-giant-hat-wearing friend to a character from a nursery rhyme who had lost her sheep.

"The fifth dentist caved and now they’re all recommending Trident?"

The resident Deadpan Snarker, Chandler Bing is able to come up with the most random, brilliant, and funniest comeback to anything, at any given moment. These kinds of random jokes were more common in the earlier seasons, and this particular gem comes from the season one episode “The One with All the Poker”. The episode is packed with Chandler’s zingers, but the one he utters when Rachel excitedly enters Ross’ apartment saying “Guess what, guess what, guess what” is pure gold.

Taking a stab at the common practice of hygiene and health commercials to use statements like “four out of five whatever recommend our product”, Chandler crafted one of the show’s funniest jokes.

"Dear god! This parachute is a knapsack!"

In the season one episode “The One with the Birth”, that foreshadows Monica and Chandler’s future relationship, the group ends up spending the day at the hospital while they wait for Carol to give birth to Ben. Monica gets frustrated over not having kids, and Chandler, trying to comfort her, proposes that they be each other's backup. He tells Monica that if neither of them is married by 40 they should have one (baby) together. The implication that she won’t be married by 40 (or, as she put it, that there's something fundamentally unmarriable about her) upsets Monica and Chandler is forced to abort the mission.

Not knowing how to deal with an angry Monica, Chandler resorts to humor, as he always does, and yells this iconic line as he jumps over the back of the chair. Over twenty years later and this one-liner is still one of the greatest comebacks in TV history.

"Okay, you have to stop the Q-tip when there is resistance."

Arriving at the heels of the immensely successful season one, the first episode of season two delivered big laughs. What with Rachel throwing a tantrum over Ross and his new girlfriend Julie, Phoebe messing up Monica’s haircut, and of course, Chandler going to Joey’s tailor. There is a number of hilarious Chandler one-liners sprinkled through this episode, but none as clever and funny as this one.

When Joey can’t remember how old he was in 1990, Chandler delivers the ultimate sarcastic insult by reminding his friend of this important health hazard. It’s Matthew Perry’s favorite line and a classic and timeless Chandler zinger.