The Sony Conference at E3 2015 may have been the most exciting events in video game history. By far the biggest announcement of the event was that a remake of Final Fantasy VII was in development. People have been clamoring for this game since the days of the PlayStation 2 and finally their wishes were going to be fulfilled.
Final Fantasy VII was released in 1997, which was a very different time in gaming. There are aspects of the game which are problematic by today’s standards, including the fact that the protagonists are terrorists. Final Fantasy VII also features some scenes and characters which are now considered to be racist or transphobic. Many fans want to know whether this remake of Final Fantasy VII will stay close to the original game, or be altered for modern sensibilities.
We are here today to discuss the worst elements of Final Fantasy VII that need to be left out of the upcoming remake.
From the worst member of SOLDIER to the most annoying accent in the series, here are 15 Things That Need To Be Cut From The Final Fantasy VII Remake.
The Compilation of Final Fantasy VII was a multimedia franchise made up of video games, movies, and books. It was intended to expand the universe of Final Fantasy VII and tell other stories within the game’s world.
By far the worst thing to come out of the Compilation of Final Fantasy VII is a character named Genesis Rhapsodos. He is a former member of SOLDIER who was friends with Sephiroth and Zack Fair. It is revealed throughout the Compilation that Genesis was the secret architect behind many of the events in Final Fantasy VII, despite the fact he is never mentioned in the game.
Genesis is a total Mary Sue character. His appearance is based on a Japanese rock star named Gackt, whom game designer Tetsuya Nomura is a big fan of. This is why Genesis is the most important character in the Final Fantasy VII world and was even brought back to life by God, because he is just that great.
14. The Optional Status Of Yuffie & Vincent
Two of the party members in Final Fantasy VII are entirely optional. You never need to hire Yuffie, and you don’t have to awaken the mysterious Vincent from his slumber in the Shinra Mansion. The vast majority of the fans sought these characters out, as they are mentioned in the manual of the game.
Due to Yuffie and Vincent’s optional status, they never have any important part in the main story of the game. They are only used for a few unique side quests (Wutai and Lucrecia) and are never seen in any of the FMV’s of the game.
The other titles in the Compilation of Final Fantasy VII have confirmed that Yuffie and Vincent were involved in the quest to stop Sephiroth. Their appearance in the Final Fantasy VII remake should be mandatory and they should be part of the main plot of the game.
Having Yuffie as a party member in Final Fantasy VII will lead to one of the most annoying side quests in the game. When you acquire the Tiny Bronco for the first time, Yuffie will advise you head West. If you follow her advice, then you can visit the town of Wutai.
Yuffie will steal all of the party’s materia and run off with it. This will start a quest that involves reclaiming all of your materia, and you won’t be allowed to return to the main quest until you have visited Wutai. The enemy of this quest is Don Corneo, who is a minor enemy from the start of the game. You have to team up with the Turks in order to squash Don Corneo and get all of your materia back.
The lack of materia throughout the quest is a form of artificial difficulty that slows everything down and forces you to rely on items. Wutai is the most frustrating quest in the game. If it is going to come back for the remake then it needs to be altered in order to make it less annoying.
12. The Pleasant Planet
Final Fantasy VII is an allegory for environmentalism. All life on the planet returns to the world upon death and is reborn as something new. The Shinra Corporation has discovered a way to refine this energy into a fuel source, which is used by people all over the world. This means that they are literally turning the souls of the dead into electricity.
Final Fantasy VII starts out in the city of Midgar. It is here that we see the after effects of Shinra’s work, as the air is polluted and plants won’t grow within the boundaries of the city. Midgar is a living testament to the damage that Shinra is doing to the environment.
The next location you visit after Midgar is the town of Kalm, which shows no effect of pollution. Almost all of the other towns in the game are generic fantasy locations, and look nothing like Midgar. The Final Fantasy VII remake needs to give the player an idea of how much damage the Shinra Corporation has done to the world; this means that the other cities need to be strongly affected by the declining environment.
Final Fantasy VII has some of the best boss battles in the series. The fights against Safer Sephiroth, Demon’s Gate, and the Weapon monsters will forever be etched into the memories of fans, due to their greatness.
Not all boss monsters are created equal, however, and even the best games have a few crappy fights at the end of a level. In Final Fantasy VII, the worst boss monster in terms of laziness has to be Schizo the dragon, which awaits you at the end of Gaea’s Cliff.
Schizo is a two-headed dragon that comes out nowhere. One can only guess that it was just hanging out in Gaea’s Cliff for no particular reason, waiting for adventurers to fight. Schizo has no relation to any of the factions in the game and is never referred to after it is beaten. It only exists because the developers wanted to put a boss at the end of Gaea’s Cliff.
10. The Supernova Animation
Final Fantasy VII was the first 3D game in the series. It blew everyone away at the time of its release, as 3D visuals were still a relatively new thing. Squaresoft seemed to be enamored with the extra dimension, as many of the attacks in the game had lengthy animations.
The summon monsters, in particular, took a long time to play, with the Knights of the Round taking over a minute to finish its animation. Fans didn’t mind at the time, as they were still so impressed by the quality of the graphics. The summons haven’t aged well, however, and new players might be disappointed by the inability to skip these animations.
The longest attack in the game belongs to the final boss: Safer-Sephiroth, who can use his Supernova attack, which destroys most of the solar system before it hits the party. This attack takes over two minutes to play out, and Sephiroth can use it multiple times during the final battle. The attack itself is fine, but its animation needs to be severely shortened.
9. Hojo’s Bizarre Adventure
Professor Hojo loves experiments that involve the creation of new life forms. This is how Sephiroth was born, as Hojo conceived a child with Lucrecia for no reason than to experiment on the fetus. Hojo injected Sephiroth with Jenova cells while he was still in the womb, as he believed this was the key to opening the way to the Promised Land.
Hojo wasn’t through with birthing experiments. There is a disturbing scene in Final Fantasy VII where we discover why Hojo wanted to kidnap Aerith. He had placed her in a pod with Red XIII, in the hope that the two of them would conceive a child. This is mainly unsettling because Aerith looks like a human woman, while Red XIII looks like a red tiger. Luckily, Red XIII attacks Hojo and joins your party before anything too messed up can happen.
8. The Placement Of The Snowboarding Minigame
The death of Aerith may be the most emotional moment in video game history. After witnessing one of his closest friends (and potential love interest) being murdered, Cloud Strife has to give her body to the water and watch as she descends into the depths. This scene is often cited as the moment when video games grew up and ascended as a medium.
So what do Cloud and his friends do to get over the death of their friend? They decide to do a 180 on the slope and shred some ice, dude!
After Aerith dies, the party needs to snowboard down a mountain in order the reach the Great Glacier. This minigame is actually fun, but it needs to be moved further away from the powerful and emotional scene of Aerith’s death.
7. The Chocobo Breeding Sidequest
Final Fantasy VII began development before the internet became commonly available in homes across the world. By the time Final Fantasy VII was released, it was easy to find complete strategy guides for every quest and activity in the game. In fact, Squaresoft used to make a lot of money from strategy guides, which is why some of the important side quests were almost impossible to figure out without help.
The most annoying side quest in Final Fantasy VII is the one that involves breeding chocobos to make a gold chocobo. In order to do this, you need to know how certain breeds of chocobo work together. You also need to know where to find a Zeio Nut, which can only be found by defeating a certain kind of enemy in an obscure location on the world map.
It is possible for chocobo breeding to be fun, as was proven with the excellent Chocobo Hot & Cold game in Final Fantasy IX. For the remake, Square Enix must know that all of the game’s secrets will be revealed in online FAQs within minutes, so they may as well make the remake version fun.
6. The Hidden Secret Cinema
While Aerith’s death is often regarded as the saddest moment in Final Fantasy VII, the death of Zack Fair in Crisis Core is a close second, as it is a powerful moment that is anticipated throughout the whole game. Those who played Final Fantasy VII know that Zack doesn’t survive the trip to Midgar.
In Crisis Core, you get to play as Zack for several years of his life. You grow to like him, as he is a genuinely heroic figure in a dark world. Zack’s sacrifice is a powerful moment, as he witnesses all of his memories being shattered one by one.
Players of Final Fantasy VII would only be aware of Zack’s sacrifice if they went out of their way to look for it. It can only be seen near the end of the game if the player travels to the basement of the Shinra Mansion (which they have no reason to do). One of the most significant moments in the series is hidden away where no one would think to look. It needs to be incorporated into the main story of the Final Fantasy VII remake.
5. Carry Armor
Carry Armor is one of the most annoying boss battles in the entire Final Fantasy series. Players encounter the Carry Armor during the sequence when the party is trying to track down all of the huge materias. This involves traveling to the Underwater Reactor in Junon, where there are submarines docked.
Reno of the Turks uses one of the cargo loading robots to slow the party down. Shinra Corporation really needs to decommission all of its fighting robots and just make an army of Carry Armors, as one of them almost manages to take down Cloud and his friends on its own.
The reason the Carry Armor is so difficult is that it has the ability to pick up and immobilize two of your party members. If it manages to kill the third party member, then it is game over. You essentially have to win the whole battle with a single party member, which is why many fans want it out of the remake.
4. The Hojo Beach Party
Professor Hojo might be the most despicable character in Final Fantasy VII. Jenova and Sephiroth at least have biological reasons for why they kill so many people. The Shinra Corporation executives are motivated by greed, but at least they stepped up and tried to stop Sephiroth and the Weapon monsters when they became a threat.
Hojo, however, performs sick experiments in the name of science and is responsible for destroying the lives of many of the characters in the game.
At one point in Final Fantasy VII, the party has to travel across the ocean to the resort town of Costa Del Sol. When they get there, they find Hojo partying on the beach with a couple of bikini-clad babes.
This scene is so completely out of character that it’s almost funny. The disturbed professor is acting out his own episode of Baywatch on the sand. Apparently Hojo enjoys drinking piña coladas when he isn’t experimenting on the genetics of ancient monsters.
3. The Terrible Ending
One of the most disappointing aspects of Final Fantasy VII is the ending. This is because it is extremely vague and doesn’t give a clear explanation about the fate of the cast (except for Red XIII).
The party defeats Sephiroth, which allows Holy to fight back against Meteor. It seems that Meteor is going to hit the planet, until the Lifestream bursts from the ground and merges with Holy to fight Meteor. The two mighty forces struggle against each other… bright white light flashes… we see Aerith’s face… and then… the credits play.
This is followed by a post-credits sequence, where we see that Red XIII is still alive 500 years after the events of the game. We know what happens next thanks to Dirge of Cerberus and Advent Children, so there is no need for the ending of the Final Fantasy VII remake to be as unsatisfying as the original.
2. The Slap Fight
One of the most ridiculous scenes in Final Fantasy VII involves the slap fight between Tifa and Scarlet on top of the Sister Ray.
After Tifa escapes from her execution, she flees to the top of the Sister Ray cannon. She is pursued by Scarlet, who is one of the top executives of the Shinra Corporation. Scarlet has an army of soldiers at her disposal, yet she decides to fight a dangerous terrorist on her own… in a slap fight.
This starts a minigame where the player has to slap Scarlet before she hits you back. The whole thing feels like it belongs in a soap opera or a VH1 reality show, rather than in an epic fantasy game. This fight also features Tifa calling Scarlet a “wench,” which was censored out of the PC version of the game.
1. Cait Sith’s Scottish Accent
Cait Sith is easily the worst part of Final Fantasy VII. A mascot robot with a cat on top just stands out like a sore thumb. Luckily, he is only mandatory for a few scenes before you can dump him out of the party forever.
Advent Children and Dirge of Cerberus manage to make Cait Sith even more annoying by giving him a horrible Scottish accent. His brogue is about as convincing as Fat Bastard’s accent in the Austin Powers movies. Thankfully, Cait Sith doesn’t talk much in Advent Children and Dirge of Cerberus, so the fans aren’t tortured too much.
The Final Fantasy VII remake is going to feature voice acting for all of its scenes. If we have to listen to Cait Sith’s awful Scottish accent throughout the whole game, then the remake will be doomed to failure.
In the event that Cait Sith does have a Scottish accent in this remake, annoyed fans will just have wait for the Final Fantasy VIII remake. Squall might have been a jerk, but at least he didn’t say much.
What are some things you don’t want to see in the Final Fantasy VII remake? Let us hear it in the comments!
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