If 'The Expendables' Were Monsters

Black Ops: Predator

  • First Appearance: Predator (1987)
  • Abilities: Stealth Camo, Shoulder-Mounted Gun, Healing Gadgets

The Predator is the ultimate one-alien-wrecking-crew and is the perfect black ops agent for our team. It only further helps that this alien creature loves the thrill of the hunt. Moreover, the Predator's stealth capabilities help with reconnaissance or deep cover missions, and his futuristic gadgets ensure he's never fully outgunned.

As mentioned, his abrasive relationship with the xenomorph puts the two at consistent odds - but what's a good ragtag group without a little conflict? And trust us, there will be plenty of conflict.


Communications: E.T.

Expendables Monsters - ET

  • First Appearance: E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982)
  • Abilities: Resurrection, Healing Touch

In every team there's a weak link who's utility supersedes their strengths. E.T. is that team member. But with a healing finger and the power of resurrection, E.T. is plenty useful as a medic - but we have selected him as the communications officer.

In Steven Spielberg's 1982 film, E.T. was focused on phoning home, but for this Expendables Monsters team he will be phoning HQ for missions that only a squad of movie creatures can handle.


Transportation: Falcor

Expendables Monsters - Falcor

Those team members who don't have access to super speed or who aren't massive creatures will need transportation, and that's where Falcor comes in. Granted, he only flew Atreyu around in The NeverEnding Story, but we suspect Falcor can carry quite a load.

He also happens to be a fairly wise creature, which makes him useful for pre-mission planning or strategy. But really, Falcor is on the team purely for hauling team members around. It's a thankless job, but some gigantic flying dog creature has to do it.


The Muscle: Godzilla

Monsters Expendables - Godzilla

  • First Appearance: Godzilla (1954)
  • Abilities: Strength, Atomic Breath

Every Avengers-like team needs a Hulk, and in the case of the Expendables Monsters group, Godzilla more than fits the bill. It might seem like overkill including Godzilla on a team like this, but it's always nice to have a 400 ft. tall creature in your back pocket.

Think of Godzilla like the ace in the hole – when the team is on the ropes and it looks like all hope is lost, he rises up from the sea and lays waste to all foes. We may have been a little too generous by calling him "the muscle," but Godzilla is an essential part of this team.


The Expendables Monsters Movie Header

[Click for a High-Res Version of Our Expendables Monsters Poster]

There you have it – the first candidates for our Expendables Monsters team. Obviously, like Stallone's team, ours will continue to grow as time wears on (and contracts need renegotiating), but, for now, we have a well balanced team with a variety of strengths.

But what about you? What monsters would you like to see join our Expendables Monsters team? Let us know in the comments below.

MORE: If The Expendables Were Women


The Expendables 3 is now playing in U.S. theaters.

Follow Anthony on Twitter @ANTaormina

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