If 'The Expendables' Were Monsters

The Expendables Monsters Movie Header

Lionsagate's Expendables films are little more than '80s action fan service – a chance to see aged icons like Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Wesley Snipes rub elbows with each other.

And while it's fun to consider what other action heroes, or heroines, should join the Expendables team, we've already started thinking about how to really make a splash after The Expendables 3. How about an Expendables team that's made up of cinema's most beloved and feared monsters?

However, it's worth pointing out first and foremost that the formation of this Expendables Monsters group is focused on the utility of each team member. We also tried to add a little variety to the mix, rather than simply picking the scariest - or outright strongest movie monsters. This is all in good fun so don't take the fact that X monster didn't make the list personally.

This is not a list of the top movie monsters - though we'd still love to hear how your favorites might fit into the team in the comments.


The Tactician: ID4 Alien

Monsters Expendables - Independence Day Alien

Although the alien's (species unknown) plan to eradicate the human race didn't go down exactly as planned, you have to admit it was pretty brilliant. Set up giant, destructive ships at all the major cities and let loose. No negotiations, just destruction - then pick off the stragglers in a ground assault after the fact.

It's that type of cutthroat, yet methodical thinking that will be extremely important for our Expendables Monsters team. And frankly, although most of the monsters on this list are plenty capable, they aren't extremely smart. That's where this guy comes in.


The Wild Card: Xenomorph

  • First Appearance: Alien (1979)
  • Abilities: Quick Movement, Strength, Acid Blood, Puncturing Mouth Within a Mouth

Every good team needs a wild card, and we've selected the xenomorph from the Alien franchise for our squad. Obviously, the xenomorph's relationship with the Predator will put the team in constant conflict and she's prone to running off on her own, but it's hard to imagine a formidable team without her.

She's quick, she's agile, she's tough to bring down, and she can do a whole lot of melee damage - like a massive alien ninja. The only question is: can we ever really keep her under control?


Demolitions Expert: Gizmo

Expendables Monsters - Gizmo

  • First Appearance: Gremlins (1984)
  • Abilities: Ingenious Builder

Although it's partially Gizmo's fault whenever the Gremlins appear (don't feed him after midnight), there's no denying the little Mogwai always steps up when he is needed. His love of setting things on fire makes him a perfect candidate for the demolitions expert, and his small stature helps him get behind enemy lines more easily.

He's basically the monster version of Rambo, only with a soft furry exterior. And who doesn't want to watch a cuddly little creature blow stuff up?


Leader: Dracula

Monsters Expendables - Dracula

  • First Appearance: Dracula (1931)
  • Abilities: Immortal, Mind Control, Transformation, Super Speed, Flight

For the leader of our group we have selected Dracula - simply because he's the quintessential monster. First introduced by Bram Stoker in the late 1800s, Dracula has seen many cinematic interpretations over the years, but his backstory has almost always incorporated some leadership role – either of vampire children, or in the case of Dracula Untold, an entire army.

More importantly, Dracula is a jack of all trades when it comes to movie monsters, capable of escaping death, tackling any foe, and creating minions at the drop of a hat. He's the face of Universal's Monsters for a reason.


NEXT PAGE: 4 More Expendables Monsters Team Members

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