Most of Kevin Smith’s movies are controversial for their heavy use of profanity, crass gags, and vulgar subject matter, but his fourth movie Dogma was particularly polarizing for its satirical deconstruction of the Catholic Church’s teachings. One of the zaniest religious-themed comedies ever made, Dogma was condemned as blasphemy by the Catholic League (according to the Chicago Tribune).
Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, hot off their star-making hit Good Will Hunting, star in Dogma as a pair of fallen angels who plan to use a loophole to get back into Heaven that will unwittingly invalidate God’s existence and destroy the world. It’s one of Smith’s funniest movies and has a ton of memorable quotes.
“Snootch To The Motherf****** Nootch!” - Jay
Just like in all the other View Askewniverse movies, Jay and Silent Bob play supporting roles in Dogma. They join Bethany on her holy quest and greet a naked Rufus when he falls from the sky.
Jay builds on his “Snootchie bootchies!” catchphrase established in Mallrats when he shouts, “Snootch to the motherf****** nootch!” before beating up the three demons dubbed the “Stygian Triplets.”
“No Pleasure, No Rapture, No Exquisite Sin Greater... Than Central Air.” - Azrael
Regular Kevin Smith collaborator Jason Lee appears in Dogma as a demon named Azrael who gets sent to Earth on “a routine possession” and tries to singlehandedly put an end to Loki and Bartleby’s mission.
According to Azrael, the refreshing cool breeze of air conditioning is a pleasure even greater than being raptured during the end-times or entering the glorious realm of Heaven.
“Somebody Sold Their Soul To Satan To Get The Grosses Up On That Piece Of S***.” - Serendipity
When Serendipity claims to be responsible for 19 out of the top 20 highest grossing movies ever made, Bethany naturally wonders which one she didn’t have a hand in. As it turns out, it was the classic Christmas romp Home Alone.
She doesn’t use the actual title – instead calling it “the one about the kid, by himself in his house, burglars trying to get in and he fights them off” – but she claims that a producer sold their soul to the Devil to make it a box office success.
“Last Four Days On Earth? If I Had A D***, I’d Go Get Laid.” - Loki
Loki makes this inappropriate remark in the middle of a crowded elevator. He tells Bartleby that, instead of getting laid, they can spend their last days on Earth doing “the next best thing.”
Since Bartleby is fuzzy on what that is, Loki fills him in: “Let’s kill people!” The two angels decide to go on a vigilante rampage on their way to redemption in New Jersey. As long as their sins are going to be absolved anyway, they figure they might as well have some fun (and their idea of fun is a lot more murder-y than most people’s).
“God’s A Skee-Ball Fanatic.” - Rufus
The funniest lines in Dogma are the ones that humanize religious figures, like when Rufus claims that Jesus owes him 12 bucks. Jesus is a messiah that millions of followers look up to, but apparently he’s a cheapskate.
When Metatron refers to the “constitutionals” that God likes to take, Rufus says it’s too late for euphemisms and reveals that God is a huge Skee-Ball fan.
“Mention Something Out Of A Charlton Heston Movie And Suddenly Everybody’s A Theology Scholar.” - Metatron
Alan Rickman’s most famous performances can be found in Die Hard, Galaxy Quest, and the Harry Potter franchise, but he gave a hysterically dry turn as the Metatron in Dogma.
When he first visits Bethany to bestow a religious quest upon her, he’s disappointed by her lack of knowledge about religious lore – she doesn’t even know who he is. However, when he mentions “The Tenth Plague” from the Charlton Heston movie The Ten Commandments, she suddenly knows what he’s talking about.
“I’m Going To Have To Start Off By Apologizing For My Friend. He Has A Penchant For The Dramatic.” - Bartleby
On their way to salvation, Loki and Bartleby go on a righteous killing spree wiping impure souls from the face of the Earth. At first, it’s a lot of fun, but Loki gets way more into it than Bartleby – he even wants to kill somebody for not saying, “God bless you,” when he sneezed.
In cases like this, Bartleby has to step in and ground his friend before he does anything too drastic. While Loki is pontificating to his murder victims, Bartleby apologizes for his friend’s “penchant for the dramatic,” which is putting it lightly.
“No Ticket!” - Silent Bob
When Bethany drunkenly reveals her religious mission to Bartleby on a train ride to New Jersey, he realizes who she is and tries to kill her. Silent Bob throws both Bartleby and Loki off the train and tells the bewildered passengers staring at him, “No ticket!”
This is a hilarious reference to the scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade in which Indy, disguised as a ticket collector on a Zeppelin, throws a German officer who recognizes him out of the window into a pile of luggage. Bob rarely speaks, but he often makes an exception to quote movies.
“This Is Not A Drill. This Is The Apocalypse. Please Exit The Hospital In An Orderly Fashion.” - Hospital P.A.
One would think that, if the apocalypse hit, hospitals would want to accept as many patients as they could to undo injuries sustained from all the end-of-the-world carnage.
But in Dogma, when the apocalypse begins and humanity’s fate is seemingly sealed, the P.A. at the hospital calmly tells everybody to exit the building “in an orderly fashion.”
“The Catholic Church Does Not Make Mistakes... All Right, Mistakes Were Made.” - Cardinal Glick
George Carlin made his first of several Kevin Smith movie appearances in Dogma. He plays Cardinal Glick, best known for introducing the now-beloved “Buddy Christ” meme to popular culture. When Rufus calls the church’s ceremony “a big mistake,” Glick claims that the Catholic Church doesn’t make mistakes.
Rufus and Bethany list off a couple of glaring errors made by the church – “silent consent to the slave trade,” “its platform of non-involvement during the Holocaust,” etc. – and, with hysterical deadpan delivery by Carlin, Glick concedes, “All right, mistakes were made.”