Alma Garret is one of the greatest characters of Deadwood, with most of her best scenes involving Al Swearengen. At the very beginning of the series, Alma has moved to Deadwood with her husband Brom Garret, who quickly finds himself in trouble with Al. Alma and Al's bitter rivalry and feud, her hilarious interactions with Farnum, and her status as "the rich woman in town," allows her to stand out clearly from the rest of the cast.
She is also the proprietor of many fantastic quotes - some funny, some sad, some menacing.
Mr. Swearengen
The quote itself doesn't do justice to its context and delivery. Al Swearengen is a man to be feared within the town of Deadwood. He rules over all and isn't afraid to use violence to obtain his needs. Because of this, he had Alma's husband killed and repeatedly tried to buy Alma's gold claim from her. Upon their fateful meeting, she meets him with a curt and confident "Mr. Swearengen," as if she's been expecting a showdown for weeks. It's great stuff.
And Yet I've Always Assumed...
Their tense interaction continues with Al stating, "Late congratulations on the claim provin' out. I had urged patience on your husband before he had his mishap." Alma sees through him, confidently telling him, "And yet I've always assumed after my husband's death you tried to buy from me through Mr. Farnum." Alma isn't afraid to go toe-to-toe with the big bad of Deadwood, and it makes for thrilling viewing and listening.
I Think Specifically It Was Your Plotting Against Her Life
No one ever said that Al Swearengen is a good man. In the first season, Al plotted to have a little girl named Sofia murdered, as she was the sole survivor of an attack that Al had planned against her family. In order to ensure her silence, Al orders her death. Luckily, Calamity Jane and Doc Cochran intervene, saving her life. When he meets her again under the care of Alma, she coldly states, "You frighten her. I think specifically it was your plotting against her life." That'll do it...
As Much As You Can, Please Minimize Your Obscenities
Here we have Alma being an absolute boss yet again against Swearengen.
Al is well-known throughout the camp (and from fans of the show) for having a filthy mouth. His language is very colorful, and it's rare for him to finish a sentence without dropping at least one f-bomb. However, Alma isn't having any of his crassness, and she patronizingly tells him, " As much as you can, please minimize you obscenities." No one talks to Al like that. Except for Mrs. Garret.
Wouldn't That Defeat Our Purpose?
After Bullock goes beats Alma's father senseless for trying to steal her money, Alma grows lustful and begins to undress in front of Bullock. Bullock, being the gentleman that he is, asks if she'd be more comfortable "behind the screen." She turns his head back to hers and asks, "Wouldn't that defeat our purpose?" before undressing. It's kind of funny, but it's also a clear and touching indication of their momentum as a couple.
I Cannot See To This Child
At the beginning of the series, Alma is understandably distracted and unsettled by the murder of her husband. As such, she goes to E.B. Farnum and requests that he find a new place for Sofia, who has been placed under Alma's care. She tells him, "I cannot see to this child. She needs someone less distracted." It proves Alma's agitated state of mind, but it also serves as a wonderful bit of character development down the line once she settles nicely into her role as caregiver.
I Imagined It Was You
The relationship between Alma and Bullock begins when she signs the trust of her gold claim over to him.
But before that occurs, she gives a beautiful speech to Bullock: Several days ago I watched you and Wild Bill Hickok support each other in a gun fight from the window in my room. Later, when Mr. Hickok... spoke so highly, ah, Mr. Bullock, I... I imagined it was you."
What In My Ideas Do You Find So Emasculating?
Alma is out of her depth when it comes to business negotiations, and especially concerning the volatility of George Hearst. She approaches him with an offer of 49% ownership in her claim in exchange for 5% of his holdings. Hearst finds this deal absolutely repulsive, saying, "A vulgar man would ask before preceding any further if you would require him to produce his jackknife and make himself a capon before you." To which Alma so bluntly and naively responds, "What in my ideas do you find emasculating?"
Mr. Farnum, Your Meaning Is Beyond Me
In her own subtle way, Alma is one of the funnier characters in the show. Especially when it comes to her barbs with E.B. E.B. drops Alma with one of the most sexist quotes of the series, asking, "What male would not trade our small superiority of intellect to possess that gift of intuition so bountifully bestowed on the lesser sex?" For this, Alma only plays dumb, saying, " Mr. Farnum, your meaning is beyond me." It's very amusing watching her play Farnum like a fiddle.
I'll Have You In A Dress In No Time
Speaking of which, the scene involving her threatening to buy the hotel from E.B. is easily one of the show's best. After speaking nonsense about the camp being at peril, Alma playfully attempts to buy E.B.'s hotel from him as a way to call his bluff. He gets all flustered, and Alma turns the tables on him before saying, "Trust your instincts. I'll have you in a dress in no time," referring to Farnum's sexist quote from the prior entry. At least Farnum is intelligent enough to realize he was played, hilariously musing about how Alma "put [him] beyond [his] depth."