Show of hands: who remembers their teen years fondly? Need some time to think about it? It's really not a cut-and-dry question. On the one hand, there was the invincible youthfulness, feeling like you were going to live forever and the world was at your fingertips. Then there's the flip side of being an angst-ridden ball of volatile hormones. Dawson's Creek, the smash-hit '90s drama, exquisitely captured the tortured teen soul. Viewers were treated to six years of Dawson and the gang analyzing and re-analyzing their feelings with the verbiage of tenured philosophy professors.
Teen angst is a central theme of many a YA novel. It certainly is in the later books of the Harry Potter series. At least nobody on Dawson's Creek had to worry about crushing on their friend's little sister and not getting killed by Voldemort. But what would happen if the Creeksters attended the Sorting Hat ceremony? Which house would Dawson, Joey, and friends find themselves in—Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw or Slytherin? I don't wanna wait for our lives to be over to find out. Here are Dawson's Creek Characters Sorted Into Their Hogwarts Houses.
Dawson Leery - Hufflepuff
There's no other option for a sensitive soul with a creek-load of feelings. The Slytherins would eat Dawson alive; the Ravenclaws wouldn't be able to relate; and in Gryffindor, Hermione would hit him with a Silencing Charm before he could utter his first metaphor. The Hufflepuffs would bring Dawson a cup of hot cocoa from the kitchens and dutifully listen to him pontificate on all his woes. His Hufflepuff buddies could even vote for Joey or Jen with marshmallows.
However, neither lady is Dawson's first love. That would be film, specifically the works of Steven Spielberg. Dawson embraces the cinematic arts with the avid dedication of a Hufflepuff. He also has the work ethic to match, writing and shooting several short films around Capeside. As much as Dawson might love Hogwarts, its magic would pale in comparison to that of the silver screen's.
Joey Potter - Ravenclaw
A Ravenclaw girl never met a small town she didn't want to escape. For working-class Joey Potter, scholarships are her ticket out of Capeside, the town where everyone knows everyone's business. Like any Ravenclaw, Joey is an all-star academic who became valedictorian of her graduating class.
But being a Ravenclaw isn't all study notes and honor rolls. Ravenclaws struggle to express their feelings and when they do, they can come across as standoffish and cold. Joey fears admitting her burning crush on Dawson more than her own death. When Jen sweeps into town and captures Dawson's heart, Joey can't help but freeze her out. Over time, Joey learns that the best course of action is to just be honest and not hide behind a textbook.
Pacey Witter - Gryffindor
Pacey Witter is the self-proclaimed "black sheep" of the Witter family. He wears this moniker like a badge of honor, but deep down it affects him. Gryffindors may not express their feelings outwardly like Hufflepuffs, but that doesn't mean they're not there. Pacey would definitely find common ground with Ron Weasley. Though Mr. and Mrs. Weasley are much kinder than Pacey's parents, it's Ron's lot in life to live in the shadows of his higher-achieving brothers.
Even though Pacey can be sarcastic and prickly, he'll do anything to protect those he loves most. When the sadistic Mr. Peterson outs Jack by forcing him to read his homoerotic poem to the class, Pacey rushes to his friend's defense the way any brave Gryffindor would. Is calling Mr. Peterson out the right thing to do? Absolutely. Spitting in his face? Not so much. Pacey may embody the negative traits of a Gryffindor, but serious lapses in judgment aside, he also represents everything people love about the lion-hearted house. Throughout the series, Pacey became more of a fan favorite than Dawson.
Jen Lindley - Gryffindor
Jen Lindley is the most soft-spoken "bad girl" in TV history. She's sweeter than a Cauldron Cake but when she's feeling blue, rather than deal with her feelings, Jen reverts back to the impulsive rebel she used to be. Whether boozing with Abby Morgan or having sex with boys who mistreat her, Jen can be her own one-woman Gryffindor wrecking ball.
But there's more to Jen that just being a wild child. She finds more positive outlets for her Gryffindor daring, like becoming best friends with social outcast Jack. Jen also tries out for the cheerleading squad to make fun of mean girl head cheerleader Belinda McGovern. This results in Jen's plan backfiring when she is elected to be the new head cheerleader. Go, go, Gryffindor!
Jack McPhee - Ravenclaw
It is the plight of the Ravenclaw to suffer in silence, something Jack McPhee is an expert in. As the de facto man of the McPhee house, Jack has to take care of his mother and sister, trying to keep their mental health issues hidden from the gossipy town of Capeside. Jack is also gay and doesn't tell anyone, until he's outed by his teacher.
When Jack gets comfortable with being out, he begins to shed his reservedness. He makes real friendships and is as well-liked as he is Ravenclaw smart. Sometimes Jack's even Ravenclaw smart-alecky, but he's good-natured when others—usually Grams—reign him in. Jack would go on to become an English teacher. For him, this is a hop, skip, and a jump from becoming Head of Ravenclaw House.
Andie McPhee - Ravenclaw
Imagine Tracy Flick without the bite. She may not be mean, but Andie McPhee is every bit as much an early-bird-gets-the-worm, Type-A overachieving go-getter. In addition to her Ravenclaw GPA, Andie does not care for drama or messiness. She and Jack both do everything in their power to keep Capeside from finding out about their deceased older brother. When the town does find out, Andie is devastated.
Andie has a difficult time sharing her feelings with others. The Ravenclaw house motto should really be "I don't wanna talk about it". She keeps Pacey at arm's length for so long, despite how much he obviously loves her. When Andie does give in and forms a relationship with Pacey, things are happy for awhile, but she has to self-sabotage by having an affair with another guy. Andie is not the first Ravenclaw to outsmart herself and she sure won't be the last.
Audrey Liddell - Gryffindor
What's the best way to ruin a Ravenclaw's college experience? Give them a rowdy Gryffindor roommate. Poor Joey. Audrey Liddell is uninhibited, outrageous, and always down for a Gryffindor good time. Naturally, at first the girls can't stand each other but they shortly become the best of friends. Audrey may be a party girl, but she wants everyone to have a great time.
Gryffindors are definitely the best merrymakers, but they don't always know when the party's over. Audrey uses alcohol to blur her problems, inevitably creating more in the process. But Gryffindors are made of tough stuff. Audrey gets sober and pursues a singing career, showing the world her Gryffindor roar.
Charlie Todd - Slytherin
Teenage feelings are a headache of the monster variety. Charlie's solution? Don't have any! Problem solved. Oh, if it were that easy. Strictly speaking, there's nothing wrong with having no feelings; it's when you start using other people's feelings against them that turns you into the worst kind of Slytherin. Charlie captures Jen's heart and plays with it like a yo-yo. Later she discovers that Charlie has another girlfriend as well.
One might think that once it all blew up in his face, Charlie would put an end to this callous bedroom farce, but the boy is a Slytherin after all. Nothing will stop him from getting what he wants. Charlie even manages to sink his fangs into Joey. Remember ladies, if it looks too good to be true, it's probably poison.
Abby Morgan - Slytherin
Abby Morgan should get a job working in the Hogwarts kitchens, because she sure loves to stir the pot. Slytherins have a penchant for reveling in the misfortune of others and Abby treats it as a pastime. She thinks of Capeside High as her own personal soap opera, of which she is writer, director, and star. Abby will kick up dirt on anything, no matter how small—Joey's crush on Dawson, for instance. However, her real specialty is revealing earth-shattering, life-ruining secrets to the peanut gallery of Capeside. One of Abby's crowning achievements was telling everyone about Jack and Andie's late brother.
Shockingly enough, Slytherin Abby doesn't have many friends. However Jen—whenever she's on a downward spiral—will hang out with Abby on occasion. This doesn't end well, as Abby got hammered and fell to her death. As rotten as Abby was, this was a real tragedy. It left Capeside a lot more peaceful, but also a lot less interesting.
Evelyn "Grams" Ryan - Gryffindor
Oh, stop clutching your pearls. Yes, Gryffindor is the party house, full of hedonism and debauchery. But that's not all it is. Gryffindor is home to those with strong convictions and Grams is a proud, unwavering religious woman. Living with an atheist granddaughter in a modern world, it would be easy for Grams to "keep up with the times" but she refuses to compromise her values.
Sometimes Grams can come across as prejudiced and judgmental, like how she treated Bessie and Bodie about their out-of-wedlock baby. However, most of the time Grams is in the right when she digs her heels in. Her speech, standing up for Jack, saying he should be loved instead of judged, is one of the most beautiful scenes in the entire show. Grams definitely has the ability to turn a phrase. Maybe she'd even make a good Hogwarts Headmistress...