Other than his (ex)wife Cheryl, there is nobody in Curb Your Enthusiasm who Larry spends more time with than his agent Jeff Greene. Jeff always attempts to bring level-headedness to the ideas Larry often springs on him. The keyword being "attempts." As a husband, father, friend, and businessman, Jeff never fails to get himself into a fiasco.
Although he tries his hardest to be professional, Jeff is drawn to folly like a moth to light. From hilarious mix-ups to pathetic mistakes, Jeff never fails to entertain. Here are ten of the more unbelievable things Jeff Greene has ever done throughout the show.
Made His Daughter Choose Between Himself and Her Dog
In season three Jeff is all set to move back in after a brief separation with his wife Susie. In his absence, Susie and their daughter Sammi added a dog to the family, a German Shepard named Oscar. Oscar is as good as they come, the only problem is Jeff is severely allergic. Before he could even unpack his clothes, he is back in a hotel coughing and wheezing.
Jeff decides to sit Sammi down and give her the facts of life, certain this will work in his favor. It is her father or her dog, one must go. Sammi doesn't hesitate to choose her beloved Oscar. His plan backfires and Jeff is forced to cope with the inconvenience and load up on allergy medicine.
Has a Costly Affair with a Real Estate Agent
Jeff is a character who is riddled with vices. His most serious one is infidelity. His most recent bout comes in season nine. Jeff begins an affair with a high-end real estate agent. When his wife hears rumors that he has been seen around town with another woman she confronts him.
Jeff tells her he has been looking at houses because he was going to buy her one as a surprise. Susie is less than convinced and holds him to that promise. As a result, Jeff pays dearly for his indiscretion and is forced to buy a house well out of his price range.
Makes Larry Wear Women's underwear
Let's stay with the theme of Jeff's rampant infidelity. Jeff finds himself in hot water with Susie when she finds a pair of panties in his glovebox. Desperate for help, Jeff turns to Larry. He tells Larry that he told Susie that the panties belong to Larry because he enjoys wearing women's panties.
Being the ride or die friend that he is, Larry puts on the panties and goes into the house. With Susie present, Larry finds an excuse to drop his khakis, thus revealing his bright pink women's panties and absolving Jeff.
Steals the Head of His Daughter's Doll
For this unbelievable scenario, the roles are reversed and it is Larry seeking help from Jeff. When Larry unwittingly gives a haircut to a Judy Doll that belongs to the daughter of a colleague, he needs a replacement to appease the family. Jeff comes to the rescue, explaining his daughter has a massive doll collection and she won't miss one if they take it.
When Susie and Sammi are out, Jeff and Larry sneak in, find the same doll as the one Larry ruined and rip its head off. Sammi is traumatized when she finds a decapitated doll in her bedroom and all Jeff can do is replace the head with the one given a haircut courtesy of Larry.
Puts His Golf Club in an Open Casket
When Marty Funkhouser's father passes away, Larry and Jeff attend the wake. Upon viewing the body in the casket, Larry realizes that the man is set to be buried with Larry's 5-wood. Larry explains to Jeff he let Funkhouser borrow his club and it must have ended up in the casket by mistake. Larry is distressed because the club is an older model and cannot be replaced.
When Jeff mentions that he always keeps his clubs in his car, Larry convinces Jeff to switch his own 5-wood with the one in the casket that belongs to Larry. They make the switch and think all is well, forgetting that Jeff's name is on the clubs. The two are discovered and their country club memberships are terminated.
Ate His Dog's Final Meal
Remember Oscar? The same dog that Jeff is forced to live with even though he has allergies? Well years go by, Oscar gets old and it is time for him to be put down. The veterinarian recommends the family give Oscar his favorite meal to calm him down before the procedure. Susie implores Jef and Larry to go pick-up Pinkberry Yogurt, as it is Oscar's favorite treat.
On the way back to the vet, Larry and Jeff enjoy Oscar's yogurt and decide to tell Susie that the store was closed. In the end, Jeff once again disappoints his wife when a mutual acquaintance mentions to Susie that he spotted Jeff and Larry eating Pinkberry in the car.
Sleeps with Bam Bam
This one might be Jeff's most unbelievable act. It's certainly his most shameful one. When Marty Funkhouser's sister is home from the assisted living facility for the mentally ill, he asks that Larry and Jeff come over to the house and keep her company. The two begrudgingly oblige, but fail to make the visit without debauchery.
Larry leaves the room for a snack break and when he comes back he finds the two have escaped to the bedroom. When Bam Bam tells everybody the news at a dinner party, the only reason Jeff isn't caught is Susie doesn't believe anybody else but herself is crazy enough to sleep with him.
Needs an Aisle Seat...Even in Death
Larry, Jeff, and Ted Danson, along with each of their wives, have always planned on being buried next to each other. Larry is supposed to be buried next to Ted, but when the two are at odds, Larry wants somebody to switch with him.
The women all want to be next to their husbands, so his last chance is to ask Jeff. Jeff refuses without hesitation. He explains just like on an airplane, he needs to be on the aisle so he has the most room possible, even in death.
He Can't Be Your Friend if You're Terminally Ill
In the episode that aired on Sunday night, Larry gets a scary call from his doctor. The doctor explains that she needs to run some tests because they found what could be thyroid cancer. When Larry tells his friends over poker, Jeff feels the need to get something out in the open.
He wants all of his best friends to know that if any of them are ever terminally ill, he can no longer be their friend. Jeff says he has no desire to see them like that and taking care of them isn't something he is interested in. Luckily Larry is fine, so Jeff is spared the hardship.
Stays Married to Susie
This really is truly unbelievable. It is a marvel that this couple has survived all these years. Larry and Cheryl divorced, Ted and Mary Danson divorced, Marty and Nan Funkhouser divorced, but not Jeff and Susie. The ironic thing is, they seem to be the couple at odds the most. Jeff cannot help himself from cheating on Susie, and Susie makes life miserable for Jeff at home.
No matter how many times it seems like Jeff has screwed up, he always finds his way home to Susie and Sammi. While they might be the most miserable two people in the show, at least their marriage hasn't fallen apart, not yet at least.