Hulu's stop-motion series Crossing Swords delivers tons of laughs with each episode. The medieval chaos of Patrick's life is stuffed with a cast of unusual and hilarious characters. Whether it's an inept king, a sex-crazed queen, or an out-of-work circus clown, the loony characters who populate the show are never dull.
Some of these characters are too smart for their own good while others cause problems with their sheer incompetence. So who are the dumbest characters on Crossing Swords, and who are the smartest?
King Merriman
The king often shows that he is not only highly incompetent but dangerously immature as well. He is a tyrannical leader and wants his whims executed even if they don't make any sense. Despite being the ruler of the land, he is incapable of seeing that his wife is running around behind his back.
He is easily impressed by anyone who can fool him and even rewards Patrick when he cheats during the squire competition. The king is less intelligent than other characters because he is supposed to be the highest ruler in the land and yet he frequently shows that he is not qualified for the job. The king's hilarious antics are just one of the reasons that Crossing Swords is one of the most binge-worthy animated shows on Hulu.
Broth
Broth may be Patrick's lovable sidekick and best friend but that doesn't mean he is intelligent. Broth is certainly hardheaded but, which for him comes more from ignorance than perseverance, and he is often incapable of catching on.
When he first meets Patrick he explains that he had tried out for the squire position eight times before, yet he was just as confident as ever. There is something admirable about someone who can maintain their confidence in the face of all reason, but it is clear that in Broth's case, it is ignorance that drives him to keep trying even though he will fail.
Blarney
Patrick's brother Blarney tried to make a memorable career for himself as a clown. Unfortunately it didn't work out and he found himself living under a bridge with a rude troll who picks on him. It is shown repeatedly that the reason he failed as a clown was that he wasn't smart enough to perform the tricks.
Blarney often tries to fool Patrick but the tricks go awry when he fails to set them up properly. Though there is an element of tragedy to the clown, it is clear that a lot of his problems come from the fact that he isn't that bright.
Ruben
Ruben sees himself as a notorious criminal and a legendary rogue, but he's really just a second-rate thief who isn't even on the radar of the king's guards. He is doomed to forever play second fiddle to Robin Hood who constantly makes a name for himself by stealing from the rich and giving to the poor.
Ruben isn't necessarily unintelligent; he is just blinded by his own hubris and is unwilling to see things for how they really are. He has an inflated image of himself but he isn't smart enough to back that image up with actual deeds.
Glenn
Glenn is an often villainous TV dad who outright dislikes his youngest son Patrick. He is stoic and mean to his son and constantly compares him to his other children that he likes more. Despite believing that he knows best in all situations, he has allowed himself to be fooled by his other children.
Patrick knows that his siblings are either criminals or failures and certainly not as successful as his parents believe they are. Glenn's unwillingness to listen to his son even got him and his wife captured by a band of political dissidents. He shows he isn't as intelligent as he thinks he is by constantly getting fooled, and he doesn't learn his lesson.
Doreen
The biggest problem with Doreen is that she views the world through rose-tinted glasses. She sees her children in a heroic light, even if that light doesn't extend to her youngest son, Patrick. She believes her three older children are successes, though Patrick is able to clearly demonstrate that they aren't as perfect as she thinks.
Doreen is intelligent enough, but she definitely suffers from delusions when it comes to her own family, and she is controlled by her overbearing husband.
Patrick
Patrick suffers from a bad case of naiveté, and it is his biggest character flaw. He is a smart kid and often uses his cleverness to get out of bad situations and save others. The problem is that he trusts the intentions of others too much and finds that he is often wrong. Sometimes, he thinks he's doing good but actually harms others. Thinking he was saving a person from being executed, Patrick removed a piece of the machine that actually led to the person getting a worse fate.
He has a lot to learn and over the course of the show he gets wiser about the ugly world of the monarchy. Despite being constantly faced with corruption and ineptitude, Patrick comes out with faith in humanity and never compromises his morals for others.
Coral
Coral is Patrick's only sister and a fearsome pirate to boot. She is clearly smarter than her siblings but that doesn't necessarily translate to good deeds. She is shown from the beginning to be manipulative and cruel and her plans often lead to others getting hurt.
When she first appears on the show she is seen leading her brothers up a mountain to steal a dragon's golden egg. Unfortunately, the plan backfires and they are attacked by the angry dragon, which causes wanton destruction of the town. She may be intelligent but without a heart to back it up she often gets her way at the expense of others.
Queen Tulip
Queen Tulip is defined in the show by her sexual exploits. Despite this she proves constantly that she is brighter than her husband, the king. She is able to sneak around successfully without alerting her husband, who remains oblivious to her exploits despite it being an open secret.
She also shows that she is smart enough to understand consent and allows Patrick to leave when he rebuffs her advances. Even though she is the queen she doesn't feel the need to exert her authority over others to get what she wants.
Blinkenquartz
The king's wizard proved from the start that he was the smartest man in the court. Despite being without any actual magical powers and failing to live up to every fantasy trope and cliché of wizards, he was able to become the king's right-hand man.
Though he isn't always successful at changing the king's mind, he is able to manipulate the monarch and tries to maintain a semblance of order within the kingdom. He may not be the nicest or most moral character on the show, but Blinkenquartz shows he's the smartest by conning his way to the king's side.