You can't say "cult TV series" without thinking of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. However, as universal as Buffy may be, it is also a '90s show and not everything holds up. Some of the early seasons' CGI is laughable. Not every pop culture reference connects with younger viewers. Then there's Xander Harris. The show clearly means for Xander to be the everyman, the lovable loser who is always overlooked and never gets the girl. But as the years go by, Xander is seen as one of Buffy's most problematic characters.
There are the definitively bad Xander moments: leaving Anya at the altar, slut-shaming her for sleeping with Spike, etc. But more insidiously, there are also the moments where either Xander thinks he's being a nice guy or the show wants you to believe it, even as he demonstrates awful behavior. But then again, there are times when Xander is every bit the Mr. Nice Guy he's meant to be. So, is Xander Harris a nice guy...or a "nice guy"? You be the judge.
"Nice guy" - Gives Buffy the world's sketchiest pep talk
This has been considered one of Xander's worst moments since it aired. It's when Willow attempts the spell to restore Angel's soul. Xander is supposed to tell Buffy just as she's about to go into battle. Instead, Xander tells her to "kick his ass". The general consensus is that Xander doesn't tell Buffy the truth because he hates Angel and wants to see him die. Yet, there are a few outliers and Xander apologists who say that Xander is being classic "perspective guy". He's worried that Buffy will just get distracted and Angelus could kill her before the spell has a chance to work... if it works at all.
Ultimately, even if Xander was coming from a place of pragmatism, he still took that choice away from Buffy. As much as Angel may cloud her judgment, she's still the Slayer and will do what has to be done. This is just part of a disquieting trend of Xander thinking he knows what's best for people; in particular, his female friends.
Nice guy - Gives Buffy the world's best pep talk
During their high school years, Xander, by and large, sees Buffy as the object of his affection - emphasis on the word "object". But as Xander grows up, this behavior mercifully ceases.
This is best demonstrated at the beginning of Season 4. Buffy is new to college life and feeling absolutely lost. When Xander catches her at a particularly low moment, he boosts her back up by reminding her how strong she really is. Xander's not just trying to make Buffy feel better; he wholeheartedly believes every word he says. Buffy is his hero.
"Nice guy" - Forgives Buffy after she has the audacity to save him from a bully
Buffy doesn't just save people from fiends of the demonic variety; she's also been known to put a stop to everyday bullying as well. When Larry looks like he's about to give Xander a proper beat-down, Buffy intervenes and Xander is spared. One might think this would warrant a thank you, but no. Caveman Xander, he grumpy. You see, Buffy emasculated him by stepping in. Xander would have much preferred the pummeling.
Such an infraction, of course, calls for an apology. Xander ever so nobly forgives her, only to be mildly irked when their "touching reconciliation" doesn't last for as long as he hoped.
Nice guy - Buys Cordelia's prom dress
Throughout most of his relationship with Cordelia, Xander wasn't a nice guy or even a "nice guy"—he was a straight-up jerk. He belittled her constantly and cheated on her with Willow. But he does find a way to (partially) make amends. Cordelia's dad gets busted for tax fraud, bankrupting the Chase family. Cordy is forced to take a job at April Fools to be able to afford a prom dress. Even with her employee discount, it doesn't look like it's going to happen. But in the eleventh hour, she discovers her dream dress has been paid for.
Xander is the only person she told about her family's dirty secret, so the donor could only be him. At the prom, Cordelia discreetly thanks him. For a guy whose ego can be bigger than the Hellmouth, Xander sure is gentlemanly. He simply tells her the dress looks good on her.
"Nice guy" - Is ashamed of his hyena behavior
The hyena episode is an awkward blend of campy and deranged, by far one of the most hated in the Buffy fan community. Xander gets possessed by the spirit of a hyena and turns into an all-around cad. His biggest crimes include cruelly mocking Willow and trying to sexually assault Buffy. When the spell is broken, Xander feels terrible.
Xander is monstrously selfish for behaving like he doesn't remember what happened. No matter how much shame he feels, his acts against Buffy and Willow were really traumatic. Both girls feel the need to play along with Xander's lie and as a result, their feelings are never able to be fully dealt with.
Nice guy - Saves the world and doesn't tell anybody
Xander may be a devoted member of the Scooby Gang, but his constant whining about how useless he is is enough to make the viewer want to mute their TV. This comes to a head in the pivotal episode "The Zeppo". Excluded from the Scoobies' latest mission, Xander finds himself left to his own devices. He discovers that a pack of rabble-rousing zombies are planning to blow up Sunnydale High, the exact place where the gang is trying to prevent the impending apocalypse.
With his allies occupied, Xander is left to fight the demons solo. He's in completely over his head, but manages to off them one by one. This culminates in a cool guy showdown with the zombie leader... which Xander wins. The next day, Xander could have told everyone about his heroism but didn't feel the need.
"Nice guy" - Proposes to Anya
Season 5 sees Xander really grow up. He gets his own place, a steady job, and professes his love to Anya. Right before they're about to go fight Glory the hell god, he proposes. Anya accuses him of only doing it because they're all going to die, but Xander insists that isn't the case.
It's one of the most short-lived romantic moments in TV history because next season, Xander experiences a major case of cold feet. He represses these feelings until he decides he can't go through with the wedding, leaving Anya at the altar. What's so infuriating isn't his ultimate decision, but the fact that he proposed in the first place. It's not like Anya was putting any pressure on him. Xander did this entirely of his own volition and he clearly didn't think it through.
Nice guy - The yellow crayon speech
Xander may be a self-proclaimed Average Joe, but if there are two things he's good at, it's saving the world and giving motivational speeches. At the end of Season 6, he does both in one fell swoop. Consumed with grief over Tara's death, Dark Willow tries to end the world. The Scooby Gang tries everything to stop her: Slayer strength, magic, good old fashioned logic. Nothing.
That's where Xander comes in. He puts himself in harm's way and tells Willow he loves her. It may be a little cheesy that love is what saves the world, but it was one of Xander's sweetest moments. Who didn't shed a tear when Xander reminded Willow about her kindergarten panic when she broke the yellow crayon?
"Nice guy" - Summons a musical demon
After six years of fighting the forces of darkness alongside Buffy and friends, Xander should know not to mess with magic he doesn't understand. But nevertheless, he summons a musical demon without thinking twice. Are Xander's intentions good? Yes. The gang was going through a lot of heavy stuff and if musicals have taught us anything, it's that any problem can be solved through the power of song.
Except that the demon wreaks havoc on Sunnydale. Among other catastrophic incidents, a man literally sang and danced himself to death. He's just lucky that the songs revealed a plethora of secrets in the group, namely that the Scoobies pulled Buffy out of heaven. Everyone was so mopey they forgot about the dead guy.
Nice guy - Extraordinary speech
Xander and Dawn are kindred spirits in the Scooby Gang. They have no magical powers or special abilities, and are often forgotten on the sidelines. That's why Dawn's thrilled when she believes she's a Potential Slayer. However, she discovers the real Potential is a classmate of hers and she gracefully passes the torch.
Dawn's bummed. She realizes she'll never be special. Xander says as much, but he acknowledges that her superpower is similar to his. They both fight the good fight even with no skin in the game. Nobody credits them with any big acts of heroism yet they still persist because they believe it's the right thing to do. Xander confirms that Dawn isn't special; she's extraordinary. Here he's coming from not just a place of sympathy but empathy. For all of his pettiness and immaturity, Xander's heart is really full of love.