Even though it aired its final episode in 2021, Brooklyn Nine-Nine is one of those series which seems fated to remain timeless. In part, this stems from the dynamism of its central cast, who share an intense and authentic chemistry not always seen in television. However, there are also a number of side characters who play a central role, including Captain Holt’s husband, Kevin.
There are, in fact, a number of very funny quotes that the two men share during Kevin’s appearances on the show, many of which demonstrate just how well the two of them really know, love, and understand one another.
Kevin: I Couldn't Bring Myself To Call Him A Dirtbag. Captain Holt: And Why Would You?
Kevin And Holt Discuss The Dirtbag
Both Captain Holt and Kevin have a very dry sense of humor, and they also share a very practical outlook on life. This is one of the funniest quotes that the two men share, as they bond over their love of the vacuum and their unwillingness to insult a person by calling them a “dirtbag.”
It’s a moment of peak Holt and Kevin and, while it is certainly an absurd bit of wordplay, it’s a large part of what makes them such beloved characters, for both Jake and the audience.
Kevin: Thank You, Raymond. [...] [Holt And Kevin Shake Hands] Pda In The Office? My, My.
Kevin And Captain Holt When Kevin Visits The Office
There are many reasons that Captain Holt and Kevin are some of the most beloved LGBTQ+ characters on television. This quote reveals the extent to which the two men care for and love one another deeply. At the same time, it is a truly funny quote in that only Kevin and Holt would think that merely shaking hands would be a public display of affection.
As is so often the case with Brooklyn Nine-Nine, the moment is meant to be both very funny and at the same time very touching and heartwarming.
Kevin: Do You Know What It Means To "Clap Back", Raymond? Be-Cause. I. Do.
Captain Holt And Kevin At The Safe House
Like most great TV couples, Kevin and Holt have their fair share of problems, particularly once the latter gives into his impulse to be overprotective, essentially imprisoning Kevin in a safe house.
This particular quote is not only very funny–particularly since the normally very uptight and proper Kevin does an actual clap back–but also rather wrenching, as it reveals the extent to which Holt has endangered his relationship. Brooklyn Nine-Nine excels at creating these moments of both hilarity and deep emotion.
Kevin: "Needled Him A New Suit." Even When We're Fighting, You're Hilarious.
Holt And Kevin Share A Joke At Jake’s Expense
Holt and Jake's relationship is one of the most important in Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and there are times when both he and Kevin can share a joke at Jake’s expense. In this particular moment, the two of them break their disagreement to take a few shots at poor Jake.
It’s a hilarious moment not just because it makes Jake the butt of the joke–always sure to get a laugh–but also because it shows just how close Holt and Kevin are and how deeply they understand one another.
Captain Holt: Oh, Really? You'd Sit Center Left? [...] Kevin: ... No, Don't!
Holt Discovers Kevin's Lie About The Symphony
Both Holt and Kevin are, to put it mildly, cultural snobs. While this could have made them insufferable characters, instead it ultimately became part of their charm as a couple. In this quote, the viewer sees the extent to which Holt knows his husband and knows that he wouldn’t be willing to sacrifice his own snobby approach to music.
What’s more, the way in which Holt delivers this line, as well as Kevin’s frantic attempt to stop him, both help to make this one of the most amusing exchanges the two characters share.
Kevin: Or Perhaps You Employed "Face/Off" Technology. Captain Holt: What?
Kevin And Holt Discuss Face/Off
One of the things that makes Brooklyn Nine-Nine one of the best feel-good shows is that it gives audiences characters that they can love and cheer for. This extends to the supporting characters such as Kevin who, in this line, reveals that he has, in fact, watched some of the dreadful movies that Jake enjoys so much.
The absolute horror that both characters clearly feel at this betrayal of their mutually-held cultural tastes adds a layer of both poignancy and hilarity to this moment, which is a fitting testament to both of their characters.
Captain Holt: But This Is Not Just Any Pie. Kevin: Even Better Than A Plain Scone.
Holt And Kevin Discuss Sweets
There’s no question that Holt and Kevin are one of the best LGBTQ+ couples, and moments like this reveal why this is the case. It is, at one level, sublimely funny, with Kevin’s savoring of the idea of a plain scone and Holt’s elaboration on where they procure their pie from.
At the same time, it is also touching in its own absurd way, in that it demonstrates the extent to which these two men have built a life together, one which has its own rituals, including driving upstate to procure a pie that, by all accounts, sounds disgusting.
Captain Holt: Why'd You Do It? Kevin: Because It's Disgusting.
The Pie Drama Continues
The pie drama continues once it is discovered that Kevin threw it away. This quote, which reveals his guilt and his reasoning, is quite funny for a number of reasons. First, there’s Holt’s obvious incredulity that Kevin would find their beloved pie so disgusting (expressed in his “oh, my”).
Second, there’s Kevin’s vehement dismissal of the pie is disgusting and his particular revulsion at this particular baked good’s unsettling ingredients. It’s a moment that’s pure Holt and Kevin.
Captain Holt: Too Late? Kevin: I Thought I'd Lost You.
The Potential Breakup
Though they are clearly meant for one another, this doesn’t keep Holt and Kevin from having their fair share of difficulties. However, they always find a way of working through them. Quotes like this one, then, are not only very funny (notice Kevin’s remark about Holt’s dating profile picture), but also emotionally resonant.
It’s clear that these two men really do understand and appreciate one another and, through their own unique sense of humor and view on the world, they will always find a way back to one another.
Captain Holt: But Kevin Is Still Standing By. Kevin: Luckily, I Had Gail Standing By As Well.
The Debate
Sometimes, Holt and Kevin have their differences, and sometimes they work quite well together. In this particular instance, it’s the latter, and the hilarity stems from their mutual inability to mediate between Amy and Jake. It’s a moment that perfectly crystallizes their dynamic with one another, revealing the extent to which Jake has impacted their lives.
What's more, it also shows, humorously, how neither of them is willing to put aside their own sense of ethics, even for their friendship with Jake.