There is a room full of people in white lab coats. In their hands they hold clipboards and pens and through a large glass viewing screen they are watching you standing in line at your local multiplex, ready for another weekend escape into movieland.
Who are these people in lab coats of whom I speak? No one knows their origin, only their purpose: they are present to bear witness to your choice of movie during the August 13th weekend - they want to know which movie you will be seeing: The Expendables, Eat, Pray, Love or Scott Pilgrim vs. the World.
One is the 'roided-up godfather of '80s action movie throwbacks; the other is a soul-enriching chick-flick about independence, empowerment and self-discovery; the third is a geek-chic love story filled with rainbow-haired girls and retro pop-culture references, set to an alt-rock soundtrack. I think it's pretty safe to say that come this weekend, the crowds at movie theaters will be beyond eclectic. The only question is: Which crowd will push "their movie" to the top of the box office?
Will it be the testosterone-fueled action junkies, the femme-power flowers or the meek geeks who hath inherited the Earth?
Sure, I'm making this situation out to be way more cut and dry than it actually is - true movie fans will be going to see more than one of these new flicks at the theater this weekend; the most hardcore movie fans might even take in all three. However, no matter how much room you think there is for all three of these movies, deep-down everyone has a hierarchical order of importance by which to rate them.
So fellas, you may get your girl to go with you to The Expendables on opening night - but only because that compromising gesture will force you into a viewing of Eat, Pray, Love the next day. Geeks, you may convince your jock friend to give Scott Pilgrim vs. the World a chance, but only if the second entry in your double-feature is Eat, Pray, Love.
Er...wait, I mean...
No matter which film you're excited to see (or most excited to see) this upcoming weekend, it's going to be an interesting box office race. Nothing of vital importance will be gained or lost at the end of this "race," but who hasn't been enjoying these viral campaigns which have been floating around the Interwebs the last few weeks? The ones informing us all that it is our solemn duty as men/women/geeks to go out and support that movie which represents our demographic best. So long as the almighty box office is fed dollars, and Inception fades away like a half-remembered dream...
If you're wondering where you can catch your old pal Outlaw this weekend: I'll be allowing Julia Roberts' irrepressible charms enamor me in Eat, Pray, Love. Sure, I've been consuming bull hormones and blowing @#$% up since I was the tender age of six - however, the mystery of woman is still an enigma I need director Ryan Murphy and author Elizabeth Gilbert's help unraveling. (Am I being serious? I don't know, am I? :-P).
The rest of the Screen Rant team is not as enlightened and progressive as I am - you need only track our week-long rollout of The Expendables to know which theater our guys (and gal?) will be in.
Now, if you would be so kind, for the sake of the research being conducted by those aforementioned mystery people in lab coats: which movie will YOU be catching this weekend? Will it be the action-packed Expendables? The soul-nourishing discoveries of Eat, Pray, Love? Or the comic book romantic hijinks of Scott Pilgrim vs. the World? Are you the enlightened type of individual who will be supporting more than one of these films on opening weekend? And which film do you see ultimately winning the box office?
If you haven't already figured it out (shame on you!), all three of these movies will be in theaters this Friday, August 13th.
P.S. - Be sure to check back for Screen Rant's Weekend Movie News Wrap Up to find out who ultimately claimed the box office crown.