Never did we believe we would love watching a show about a depressed horse. Bojack Horseman is funny, dramatic, full of puns, and does a really great job at satirizing modern pop culture and the state of Hollywood. The shows characters are also great and diverse. While Bojack struggles with his own issues, plenty of other characters are going about their own lives with their own struggles that are all relatable, yet different from one another.
With the diversity and nuance of these characters, it would be interesting to see which Hogwarts Houses they would fall into. It will be hard to exactly nail down where people will go and why, but it is worth a shot. The magic might be fake in Hollywoo, but not in the wizarding world of Harry Potter!
Judah- Gryffindor
The former assistant of Princess Caroline is the definition of stoic. He is so incredibly efficient and logical that it is almost envious to watch him meticulously go about his day in a perfect regiment. While organization is not something Gryffindors are known for, it is Judah’s overall well-roundedness that puts him in the house. He is loyal, smart, willing to address his concerns, and professional. He basically fits well in every category, and seems to be interested in helping people’s causes rather than doing things for his own gain.
Vanessa Gekko- Slytherin
In a lot of ways, Vanessa Gekko is like Princess Caroline. In fact, she is basically what Princess Caroline wants to be. She is the woman who has it all, yet does everything with a simple grace. She is almost an unrealistic standard, which is shown through Princess Caroline who is a much more flawed and human character.
Vanessa Gekko fits as a Slytherin due to her interests and suave skills as an agent. She has everything an ambitious person could want, and handles it all seemingly effortlessly.
Sarah Lynn- Ravenclaw
This late pop star singer and former child actress lived a tragic life. She looked up to Bojack, and the two had a weird, and typically messed up connection with each other. It is hard to really gauge which house Sarah Lynn would be in. Most of her adulthood was spent as a drug addict, and she was basically told what to do her whole childhood. Ultimately, it seems she is a Ravenclaw. For one, she is clearly an artistic person since she became a successful singer. She even won an academy award for one of her songs. Secondly, she had a desire to be an architect, which is a pretty intellectual career.
Pickles Aplenty- Hufflepuff
This pug is essentially the female version of Mr. Peanutbutter in a lot of ways, which makes sense because they are in a romantic relationship. She is typically a very happy dog, who tends to have vapid interests that distract her. In particular, she loves to vlog on social media about her life, including the more private parts. Pickles fits as a Hufflepuff because she mainly cares about love more so than anything else. She likes to be happy, enjoys doing things that will make her happy, and likes being around people that make her happy.
Hollyhock- Gryffindor
The half sister of Bojack, Hollyhock is generally young and naïve, but also sharp and morally grounded. Though she does not know much about Hollywoo, she is able to see through people effectively. Also despite her awareness of Bojack’s flaws, she still really cares for him and wants to help him out. She fits as a Gryffindor because she is morally firm character who knows right and wrong. Additionally, when she feels like someone is doing something wrong, she will say it to their face, in particularly Bojack.
Todd Chavez- Hufflepuff
No character has more shenanigans than Todd. His stories generally revolve around him ending up in wacky situations that always seem to work out for him in the end. Todd works as a Hufflepuff because of his lackadaisical nature.
He literally gets everywhere by doing nothing, which is such a Hufflepuff way to go about life. Additionally, he is actually incredibly supportive of his friends and is always there for them.
Mr. Peanutbutter- Hufflepuff
The golden retriever may not be as perfect as people see him to be, but deep down, all he wants to do is make people happy. He tries to solve people’s problem, but unfortunately in doing so, ends up be dismissive towards them. Despite this, Mr. Peanutbutter is a Hufflepuff. Despite it being somewhat superficial, he does try to make the world a better place. He is also sort of like Todd in that things just sort of work out for him without him doing anything. This go with the flow attitude is also pretty Hufflepuff as well.
Princess Caroline- Slytherin
For the same reasons as Vanessa Gekko, Princess Caroline fits as a Slytherin. She is ambitious, hardworking, and desire to have it all. However, unlike Gekko, Princess Caroline is very relatable in her desire to achieve. She wants everything and is certainly competent, but it definitely takes a toll on her. Additionally, she fails, but always gets back up.
This perseverance may feel like a quality of a Gryffindor, but ultimately it is ambition that drives Princess Caroline over anything else. Additionally, she is not against being unethical in business if it means getting what she wants, although she never takes it too far.
Diane Nguyen- Ravenclaw
There is no more knowledgeable character on the show than Diane Nguyen. She knows a lot about what is happening within the world, and desires to uncover the truths hidden behind the curtain. This knowledge is somewhat of a fault to hers, as she tends to use her work as a way to ignore her personal life. Diane’s skills as a writer and journalist are what make her a Ravenclaw. She is a great writer, and her journalism skills are that of an Upton Sinclair. While she can be somewhat manipulative and cunning, she ultimately desires to have an effect on the world rather than manipulate it to her benefit.
Bojack Horseman- Slytherin
Bojack has done some awful stuff throughout his life. He has screwed over his friends and coworkers, molested an underaged seventeen-year-old, sort of caused Sarah-Lynn’s death, and much more. He is essentially a character that portrays the honest experience of being depressed and all the things that come with it. It is not really easy to sort him, but it seems like he would best fit as a Slytherin. This house tends to be kind of destructive when they are unhinged and Bojack’s behavior as someone who is cunning, manipulative, and willing to do anything for the preservation of fame fits into him being a Slytherin.