One of the main characters on Bless This Mess, Mike is arguably the funniest on the show. Dax Shephard was the perfect person for this role and his chemistry with Lake Bell on the set is the icing on the cake. He understands how to make people laugh, and some of the things he says will have you dying.
We've compiled a list of some of his best quotes on the show to keep the laughter going. They are so good we could imagine T-shirts or other souvenirs with these phrases on them. Keep reading to learn about ten hilarious quotes Mike said in Season 1 of Bless This Mess.
10 "This just in. We are stuck."
Rio is deathly afraid of cows so in her panic to escape one, she rushes up the ladder to the roof where she has a panic attack. Mike, the great husband he is, travels up the ladder to help her down, but he accidentally kicks it away from the house.
He says this line after he hears the ladder hit the ground below and realizes his horrible mistake. They end up spending a cold and wet night on the roof until help comes the next day. It wasn't his finest moment, but this line had fans rolling when they heard him utter it.
9 "The angels saved his thumb, but they took your cooler."
When Jacob accidentally chopped his own thumb off, Mike and Beau took him to the hospital and put his thumb in a cooler. Kay shows up later after Jacob is out of surgery and Kay remarks how she is glad the angels didn't take him.
Mike answers with this quote, which is obviously the wrong thing for him to say at this moment and Kay lets him know it with a single look. Mike looks away realizing his mistake and questions why he said the joke in the first place, only adding to its overall humor.
8 "You've seen me at whole foods. I walk straight up to the right heirloom tomato."
This is what mike says when he explains to Rio that they can be farmers. He thinks this is enough of a reason to claim that he has the ability to grow fruits and vegetables due to his ability to pick out a ripe tomato from the stack.
We laugh as we understand the absurdity of it all and the way he says it makes the line even better. It becomes obvious later when they arrive just how unprepared they really are, but this sets us up for the remainder of the show.
7 "She was born and raised in New York. She's never said 'Hi' to a neighbor. This is so fantastic."
This quote comes from the pilot episode when the Bowman's arrive at their new farm. Rio is excited and practicing how to say "hi" to their new neighbors, which she never did in New York. It is a dig on the city as people pass each other by without saying an inkling of pleasantries to one another, while the rural countryside is known for its openness and caring.
What makes this quote even better is how Mike is truly excited to witness this experience that Rio is about to have as he raves about it to Rudy. He even wants Rudy to be in the house to witness it as well, which only solidifies the humor.
6 "Well, I know what this probably looks like, but uh, this is a totally different group of chickens."
Mike and Rio had promised to kill all of the chickens on their farm and sell it to Beau Bowman, but they couldn't do it. They didn't want to look like the idiots of the town when he came to pick them up, so they took all of the chickens and hid them in their house.
Beau was given a frozen chicken they bought at the store instead, and it looked like it was working until the chickens opened the door and came pouring out of the house. Mike's answer was that these were a different group of chickens, even though everyone already knew they hadn't killed any in the first place.
5 "Have fun pal. It sounds like you're completely over her."
Mike is conversing with Rudy about his ex-wife and Rudy explains in graphic detail what she was like. Mike has a hard time believing that he has moved on, so to cut the conversation short he throws this line out there.
It might not sound terribly funny out of context, but the fact that he says it as he is lifting a chicken out of a bubble bath will leave you chuckling for days.
4 "We feel terrible that you had to, looks like, fight it?"
This scene depicts when Rio and Mike sit down with the Bowmans to discuss a settlement after they accidentally let out their stud bull while making love in their barn. Mike is apologizing to Beau who is bandaged from head to toe after attempting to wrestle the bull back into his stall.
It was obviously a traumatizing experience, but fighting a bull was not how we expected Mike to describe Beau's experience in reference to his injuries. It was a hilarious interaction between the two men as we see the dynamic of the show unfolding in this scene.
3 "It's called the Estonian Method. When you're staring at the back of my thighs and my wife's inverted back I want you to think of one thing. Priyanka."
Mike and Rio are in the race called the Wife Carry and they have decided to go with the Estonian method for carrying Rio. Beau and Kay watch as they hop into position and Mike lets them know that this is for Priyanka, their chicken.
Beau had disqualified their chicken out of spite for Kay kicking him out of the house, and this entire quote is just super humorous when you consider the reason behind it.
2 "Well, it's just the floor."
Mike says this line in the first episode after he and Rio fall through the floor after taking one step into their newly acquired farmhouse. After he says this line, the roof instantly caves in above them and debris rains down on their heads from the seat in the basement.
He tries to make it seem like everything is fine, but after the roof caves in you can start to see that everything is not going to be as easy as they imagined.
1 "Not to mention you have never fallen in a well."
Mike pumps Rio up at the chicken judging competition by telling her great things she has done. The last thing he mentions is that Rio has never fallen in a well.
Previously in the episode, Rudy told Mike that he was surprised that she had never fallen in as he checked every morning to be sure. It obviously pumps her up as she finds the confidence to call her chicken onto the platform for all to see.