Though it’s been more than a decade since Blades of Glory first graced our screens, the hilarity of this flick still has us laughing until our sides are sore. One of the film’s most underrated characters is Katie van Waldenberg, the love interest of John Heder’s Jimmy MacElroy and the naïve younger sister of villains Stranz and Fairchild van Waldenberg, played by Will Arnett and Amy Poehler.
Katie is portrayed by Jenna Fischer of The Office fame and goes through one of the most impressive character transformations of the story. From Stranz and Fairchild’s pawn to her own independent woman, Katie is an inspiration! Here are her best quotes.
“Maybe If You Concentrate On The Skating, People Will Forget All The Hype, And They’ll Focus On The Purity Of The Sport And The Spirit Of Honest Competition.”
In a film packed with morally compromised (albeit hilarious) characters, Jenna Fischer’s Katie van Waldenberg stands out as one of the only altruistic figures. Even though she’s initially swayed by her evil siblings, Stranz and Fairchild, to sabotage Jimmy MacElroy and Chazz Michael Michaels (played by Will Ferrell), it eats away at her until she eventually walks away from them for good.
When they first ask her to spy on Jimmy and Chazz, she tries to stand up to them with this wholesome suggestion. Of course, they don’t buy it. But we love that she offered!
“It’s A Posturepedic.”
One of the funnier Blades of Glory scenes shows Katie luring Chazz to her hotel room after ambushing him at a sex addict’s meeting that he’s attending. Sent in by her brother and sister to destroy the bond between Jimmy and Chazz, Katie doesn’t want to seduce Chazz but feels like she has no choice.
Initially, when Katie asks Chazz to join her on the bed, he tries hard to resist. So how does she sway him to come over? By telling him that the bed is a posturepedic. And amazingly, that’s the straw that breaks the camel’s back and gets him over to the bed.
“It’s Basically Just Gliding, Trying Not To Fall, With A Couple Of Jumps Thrown In, Right?”
You can’t help but feel sorry for poor Katie. Her whole life revolves around ice skating, but she’s not allowed to actually enjoy it. Instead, her siblings blame her for their parents’ deaths, and she has to act like their minion while they live out their skating dreams and she watches from the sidelines.
She opens up to Jimmy while the two enjoy a snow cone on their first date, pouring out her feelings about the world of ice skating with this comment. You can hear how badly she’s trying to convince herself that she’s not missing out.
“Spandex. Glitter. Egos. Ice Blows.”
Clearly, Katie has some strong feelings about ice skating because her rant to Jimmy during their first date goes on for a while. The sadness in her voice as she admits how frustrated she is shows the emotional turmoil inside her. Forced to follow her sister and brother around like a slave, all she notices in the world of ice skating are the minor details: spandex, glitter, and egos.
We don’t get to see what happens after Katie and Jimmy reunite at the end of the movie, but we’re hoping he introduces her to the magical side of ice skating and she can see beyond the spandex.
“Wow. I Never Really Thought Of That As A Romantic Story Before.”
After Katie confesses her deep dark secrets to Jimmy, they lean in and share a kiss. You can tell they’re pushed together by romantic energy, even though she was just talking about how her parents died driving her to an ice-skating lesson, leading her siblings to blame her for their deaths and treat her like a slave.
Although it’s weird that a story like that could be considered romantic, this just shows how perfect Jimmy and Katie are for each other. They feel each other’s pain and are attracted to each other no matter what they’re talking about!
“My Sister Told All My Friends I Was In Jail For Armed Robbery.”
While Katie and Jimmy are on their date, they each get carried away talking about how tragic their lives are. After Jimmy reveals that he was given a six-pack of protein shakes and a subscription to men’s health for his birthday, Katie hits him with some home truths about her childhood.
As it turns out, Fairchild was always a manipulative thing. Well before she started cheating to win professional ice skating competitions, Fairchild told Katie’s friends that she was in jail for armed robbery, resulting in nobody coming to Katie’s birthday party. Classic Fairchild.
“Pour Sweet Cream On It.”
To be fair, this isn’t really Katie’s quote, even though it comes out of her mouth. When she advises Jimmy to pour sweet cream on his burn, it’s only because Fairchild tells her to. And that’s only because she and Stranz want Katie to get close to him and then sabotage his chances of winning the competition. But this is still a hilarious quote.
The context is what makes it so funny. Katie’s tone is not convincing at all as she forces herself to suggest something so cheeky. And Jimmy, who is being coached by Chazz to sound enticing on the phone, is totally unfazed.
“Sex, Sex, Sex. What Can I say?”
Again, it’s not what Katie says that makes her quotes so funny, but how she says them. This is what she says to Chazz after she shows up at the sex addicts anonymous meeting and he tells her that he didn’t know she was an addict. It wouldn’t be half as hilarious if she said it like she meant it, but the poor thing sounds so unsure and feeble as she does her siblings’ bidding.
Unfortunately, Chazz is too distracted by his addiction to see through this and believes that she actually is an addict too.
“You’ve Been Practicing.”
Jimmy and Katie, a.k.a. the perfect couple, are torn apart for a while as Stranz and Fairchild get the better of them. But they get their happy ending after Chazz and Jimmy successfully execute the iron lotus and win the competition. After they finally share another kiss, Katie tells Jimmy that he’s been practicing. He tells her that Chazz has taught him a few things.
Does that mean he practiced his kissing with Chazz? Either way, we love this quote because it foreshadows the successful relationship that we like to think Jimmy and Katie share after the end of the movie.
“Mom And Dad Were Not Wearing Their Seatbelts And They Made An Improper Left-Hand Turn.”
This is hands down the best Katie van Waldenberg quote ever. After years of letting her siblings walk all over her and make her feel guilty for the death of their parents, she finally stands up to them and tells it how it is. And she’s totally right: she was not responsible for their deaths at all. They should have been wearing their seatbelts and they should not have made an improper left-hand turn. Facts.
Stranz and Fairchild try to suck her back in after she confronts them, but it’s no use. Katie is a new and improved woman.