After spending years in development hell, the third Bill & Ted movie has finally taken off this year. Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves will reprise their roles as the rock ‘n’ roll-loving slackers for Bill & Ted Face the Music.
The plot will see the two of them middle-aged and married with children, tasked with writing a song that will save the universe while the fabric of the space-time continuum is torn apart. It’s about time we saw those two back on the big screen. So, ahead of the threequel’s August 21, 2020 release date, here are Bill And Ted’s 10 Wackiest Quotes.
10 “‘The only true wisdom consists in knowing that you know nothing.’” “That’s us, dude!”
The Bill & Ted movies are a celebration of stupidity. Bill S. Preston, Esq. and Ted “Theodore” Logan are two of the most idiotic characters ever created, but they’re also two of the most lovable.
When Bill reads this landmark philosophical quote by Socrates about the ultimate truth being that none of us know anything from his history textbook, Ted relates to it instantly. The Socrates scenes in Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure are hilarious, bringing the unique blending of highbrow humor and lowbrow humor that makes the movies such a delight (it’s also the blend that defines the comic sensibility of The Simpsons).
9 “69, dude!”
Bill and Ted were an early template for such high school comedy pairings as Superbad’s Seth and Evan – teenage boys with their minds in the gutter. When Bill and Ted encounter their future selves in Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, they’re skeptical, and decide to test whether or not it’s really them by asking them to tell them what number they’re thinking of at that moment.
Without missing a beat, the future versions of Bill and Ted tell their past selves that the number on their minds is 69, which would also be on the mind of any other moronic teenage boy.
8 “I totally possessed my dad!”
Ted’s relationship with his father is central to his characterization in these movies. In the first movie, his dad threatens to send him to military school if he fails his history report and thus flunks the school year.
So, his dad is the reason why he really wants to get a good grade on that report and travels through the most memorable eras of history to gather the most memorable historical figures and bring them into his school for an oral report that his teachers and classmates will never forget. In the second movie, Ted’s ghostly presence possesses his dad.
7 “Remember when she was a senior and we were freshmen?”
In Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Ted heads over to Bill’s house and Bill’s young, beautiful new stepmom comes in the room. As they leave the house, Ted reminds Bill that his new stepmom was a senior in their high school when they were freshmen – and now, she’s married to his dad.
Ted also tells Bill that he thinks his stepmom is cute, and reminds him that he once invited the girl who would become his stepmother to go to prom with him. As Ted keeps talking, Bill keeps telling him to shut up, until he eventually snaps and yells, “Shut up, Ted!”
6 “That was non-non-non-non-heinous!”
It’s grammatically incorrect to use a double negative, but here, Bill uses a quadruple negative to describe his first time going to Hell. If it was “non-heinous,” then it wouldn’t have been heinous.
If it was “non-non-heinous,” then it would’ve been heinous. And so on and so forth until you unravel all four negatives to figure out that he is actually describing going to Hell as heinous. So, he didn’t need to use the “non” prefix four times before the word “heinous,” because all he was trying to say was that Hell was heinous. But that’s Bill S. Preston, Esq. for you.
5 “This is not like I expected at all! We got totally lied to by our album covers.”
This is Ted’s reaction when he first arrives at the gates of Hell and sees that it’s not at all what he expected. A lot of the pop culture references in the Bill & Ted movies come from the rock ‘n’ roll music that the title characters are obsessed with. That genre is controversial among the religious community for its depiction of demons, the Devil, and Hell.
The album covers Ted is referring to tend to portray Hell as a molten realm filled with fire and lava and skeletons playing electric guitars. In reality, it looks more like a scene from a surreal David Lynch movie.
4 “I do not believe we will get Eddie Van Halen before we have a triumphant video.”
Bill and Ted’s band, the Wyld Stallyns, has become a staple of popular culture. It’s one of the best-known fictional rock bands ever created. In one of the earliest scenes in their first movie, the duo bicker about how their band is going to make it big. They have a chicken-and-egg scenario to deal with.
Bill doesn’t think they’ll make it big until they get Eddie Van Halen on guitar, but Ted doesn’t think they’ll get Eddie Van Halen in the band until they make an awesome video, but Bill doesn’t think they should bother with a video until they have good instruments, but they won’t be able to afford good instruments until they have both an awesome video and Van Halen on guitar.
3 “The best time to be is now, and all’s we can say is...Let’s rock!”
Bill says the first part of this quote and then Ted joins him for the second part to really give it some oomph in Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey as they explain that over the course of their adolescent years, they’ve traveled to both the past and the future – as well as different dimensions, like Hell – and what they’ve learned is that the greatest place to be in the course of human history is, quite simply, “now.”
We can all take comfort in knowing that, because sometimes we can get nostalgic or get lost looking forward to the future. As Bill points out, nothing beats the here and now.
2 “Be excellent to each other.”
The world would be a much better place if everyone just followed Bill’s words of wisdom here. It’s a version of common idioms like, “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself,” from the Book of Leviticus, but Bill’s version is much more accessible. It’s shorter, it’s simpler, and it uses the awesome word “excellent” from the title of the movie.
If everyone could just learn to “be excellent to each other,” then there would be no wars, no crime, and people would feel great about themselves all the time. Unfortunately, if the Bible failed to get people to do that, it’s unlikely that Bill & Ted will manage it.
1 “Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.”
Every movie has one line of dialogue that sums up the whole thing, and in Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, this is that quote. The titular pair are hanging out at the Circle K, their local convenience store, when a time traveler shows up. This is Ted’s iconic response.
Bill and Ted’s dialogue always captured the teen culture of the ‘80s, with all the slang and inflections used by kids in that decade (albeit with added pontificating and the word “afoot”). It’ll be interesting to see how that translates to the modern day and the characters’ older age in the upcoming threequel.