Recently, the YouTube page for Saturday Night Live posted a series of every single one of Bill Hader’s moments on the show as his character Stefon (now Stefon Meyers), the New York City Correspondent for Weekend Update. Created by John Mulaney and Bill Hader, one of the best parts of Stefon was watching Bill try to get through the truly hilarious lines written for the character.
The fact that Barry has already been renewed for a third season also lends credence to a theory that’s been circulating: Bill Hader just may be returning to host SNL again. If this does, in fact, turn out to be true, we all should be prepared. That being said, it’s time to revisit Bill Hader’s ten best moments in his Stefon sketches!
Don’t Be Shy
Though everyone knows that Bill Hader is involved with writing the character of Stefon, many may not know that John Mulaney cowrote the character with him. The two of them are such a hilarious combination — no wonder it was so hard to choose the ten best moments. John Mulaney would often send out newly written lines for Bill Hader to read live, trying to get him to break on camera. Turnabout was fair play, though, when John Mulaney appeared in a cameo performance as Shy, Stefon’s lawyer and a “conceptual piss artist.”
Try A Taste
There are no more cameos throughout the rest of this article. Instead, it’s all Bill, all the time, looking at New York’s hottest clubs, being that Stefon is the New York City Correspondent for Weekend Update, after all. One of his best clubs is Taste, the “all-new club that answers the question, ‘Huh?!’” Hilariously, he then continues, “Don’t look for a bouncer — there isn’t one. Instead, the door’s guarded by ten jacked homeless guys in old-fashioned bathing suits.” The image of ten incredibly strong men in old-fashioned bathing suits standing outside a club called Taste is so hilarious, it had to be included here.
Spicy!
Some of the greatest parts of the Stefon sketches come simply from Bill Hader’s skill with impressions and voices. Everyone knows he and Ben Schwartz played BB-8, and we all remember Bill’s roles in Inside Out and Finding Dory, so it’s not surprising that him shouting “New York’s hottest club is Spicy!” in a silly voice would be hilarious. He then assures us, as always, that this place has everything: “sand worms, geishas, rock-eaters, a seven-level course in adult education,” and, “if you want to relax, you can kick back in your very own subway sleeping bag,” which is “that thing of when you’re on the train, and you sit between two guys in FUBU jackets.” It’s so specific and yet, so real.
Alumnus
Stefon did go to college, as it turns out. In an increasingly more capitalistic society, in which the upper 1% does its best to destroy the lives of the working class that they depend on for their wealth, education now comes at a premium and is no longer seen as a right. In spite of this, Stefon did manage to attend a college, which is wonderful news.
He informs Seth that he attended UTI, hilariously, and that he even made the Dean’s List. Of course, he’s referring to the only Dean’s List that we’re aware of: “Dean Cain’s list of homeboys not to mess with.”
Chutes & Ladders
The inherent comedy of saying anything is “based on the novel Push by Sapphire” has never really died down for most people, and Bill took full advantage of the moment to describe a club as such. He then continues that the “club promoter, Joseph Gordon-Fisherman, opened a Soho hotspot located in a haunted diaper,” and there’s so much packed into that one joke that it made us laugh multiple times. He even tells us that this place, too, has everything: “chutes, ladders, the outdoor concert from a Zoloft commercial.”
When Harry Met Sally
New York’s hottest club, according to Stefon in this sketch, is “Booooooooof.” Yes, with nine Os; Stefon even makes sure to clarify that Booooooooof has nine Os, so the audience is also well aware. Luckily, even if it is time-consuming to type Booooooooof correctly into your Google Maps app for directions, you’ll be handsomely rewarded when you get there. “This place has everything: Pugs, geezers, doo-wop groups, a wise old turtle that looks like Quincy Jones,” and, excitingly, “you’ll have your own When Harry Met Sally moment when you share a special kiss with Gizblow, the coked-up gremlin.”
Rags To Riches
One of the earlier sketches that is truly always good for a laugh features New York’s hottest club, Crease. According to Stefon (and who are we to disagree?), this place has everything: “lights, psychos, Furbies, screaming babies in Mozart wigs, sunburned drifters with soap sud beards.”
If you’re not entirely sure what all of that means, don’t worry: he explains only the last one, which means “screaming babies in Mozart wigs” remains hilariously and hauntingly unexplained. Soap sud beards, though, according to Stefon, are “that thing when the hobo becomes a rich man, so they take that big bubble bath?”
Yes, Chef
Celebrity chef and known sexual harasser Mario Batali will hopefully never return to the public eye, which means it’s a whole lot of fun to make fun of him. Stefon was ahead of the curve telling us about a new club that has everything: “backpacks, sea lions, Ron Wood, a rental car filled with bottled water, my best friend Joel, plus a special appearance by evil celebrity chef Wario Batali.” Who is Wario Batali, you ask? “He’s just like his brother, except he doesn’t wear Crocs.” He’s evil and just like his brother — good one, Bill!
Spooky Scary Skeletons
Buckle up, because this sketch truly has everything. Pretty much every part of Stefon’s fun Halloween-themed club is hilarious, but especially when he assures us that this place has everything: “Ghosts, ghouls, goblins, my son!” He then continues: “On the dance floor, you’ll find both guys from Wham! wearing a two-man horse costume. Spoiler alert! They’re both in the back.” This is so nonsensical that it continues to be funny, and then he finishes with: “For a healthy snack, hit the bar and have some Fraisins: raisins that look like Frasier!” Thank God for Bill Hader.
New York’s Hottest Club Is…
Right back to Bill Hader’s excellent voice work for his best-ever sketch as Stefon, when he announces, in a hilariously deep voice, that New York’s hottest club is: “Your Mother and I Are Separating.” He assures us not to be fooled by the charred Red Lobster sign out front, because this club is a burned-down Red Lobster, but don’t be worried! This place, just like all the others, truly has everything: “A shake for breakfast, a shake for lunch, a sensible dinner, those shoes that nurses wear,” and — as if all that isn’t enough — you can “dance the night away to the sounds of Duck having a Vietnam nightmare,” which Bill then perfectly impersonates. If you’re looking for a fun place to go in New York tonight, look no further than Stefon’s favorite stops!