There are many fascinating aspects to Captain Raymond Holt's character on Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Between his near robotic enjoyment of things and the clear cut efficiency he runs the Nine-Nine with, one might think that Holt experiences no joy. But there's so much more to the Captain than what one sees at first glance. He has a true respect for his detectives and cares about all of them. He also has a scathing and dry wit. When mixed with his somewhat emotionless outlook on life, it often gives him some of the best one-liners and quotes from the show. Here then are 10 of the best Captain Holt quotes from the show!
Oh, I've caused a problem. I think I am getting a text message. Bloop. Ah, there it is.
If Holt has one weakness (besides his somewhat crippling gambling addiction), it's his inability to fully handle complex emotional situations. Processing emotions seems to be somewhat outside of the Captain's wheelhouse, and so he either shuts down or removes himself from the situation entirely. While he has certainly grown since this quote was used in season one's "The Bet", Holt still tends to defer dealing with emotions to Sergeant Jeffords instead.
9 But If You're Here...
Captain Wuntch. Good to see you. But if you're here, who's guarding Hades?
One of Holt's most bitter rivals is Deputy Chief Madeline Wuntch. Once close partners and colleagues, the two have been enemies for years now. The two exchange scathing and hate-filled comments back and forth whenever the two meet. Dealing with Wuntch is one of the few times that Holt allows a more petty and vindictive nature to take hold of himself. She hasn't been seen since season three's "Oolong Slayer" episode, which means that Holt has been building up Wuntch insults for over four seasons now.
8 I Have Zero Interest In Food.
I have zero interest in food. If it were feasible, my diet would consist entirely of flavorless beige smoothies containing all the nutrients required by the human animal.
If there's one thing that can be said about Holt, it's that he knows what he likes. Anything overly ostentatious is beneath the Captain, who prefers plain and simple pleasures. Whether it's food, classical music, or racquetball with his husband Kevin, Holt is content.
7 You're Not Cheddar
Wait a minute. This isn't the championship cummerbund. This is some common cummerbund. And you're not Cheddar. You're just some common b*tch.
Holt cares about two people more than anything; his husband Kevin, and their Pembroke Welsh Corgi, Cheddar.His bluntness when showing that affection, however, often leads to an interesting declaration. When he is able to discern that an identical Corgi is not Cheddar, his blunt and simple takedown of the animal is classic Holt in his delivery.
6 I Only Have One Dream A Year...
I only have one dream a year, always on Tax Day. In it, I must file an extension. So, yes, it is best not to have dreams.
Dreams are a part of human existence, and are natural to have and experience. Leave it to Holt, then, to only have one dream a year that is about doing taxes. Only Holt would honestly consider giving up a freeing and normal experience because it feels excessive to him. It also showcases his somewhat constant inability to relate to what his detectives and officers experience and feel on a basic, human level.
5 It Should Be Fun
Apparently my husband Kevin has invited you all to my party. There's very little street parking. No gifts. No singing of Happy Birthday. It should be fun.
When Holt married Kevin, he found a perfect partner and husband. Both of them prefer simple and direct communication and know how to make the other feel better. Both of their idea of a "good time" consists of things like Barrel Making Museum visits and going on long trips to get a particular slice of pie. They are on the same wavelength, meaning that they know what the other likes and how they feel. Kevin knows that while Holt may not want the officers at his party, it would be good for him to have them appear.
4 Wuntch Got Served
More importantly, Wuntch got served. Oh my god, Wuntch sounds like lunch. Oh, this opens up so many new avenues.
Due to his somewhat narrow-minded focus, Holt often overlooks simple and more "human" elements of conversation. When an individual like Wuntch is involved though, it causes him to lose that composure. Instead, he opens himself up to more childish and basic behavior, going to name calling and petty insults.
3 She Was Such A Strong, Female Woman...
Oh, now, Stella, you know I'm still getting over the tragic loss of my wife. She was such a strong, female woman with nice, heavy breasts.
If there's one thing that mystifies Raymond Holt, it's the female body. As an openly gay man for over forty years at this point, Holt has never had to lie or pretend about who he is. That changes when he is forced into deep undercover in Florida as a widowed straight man. Given his lack of understanding about straight relationships, Holt's understanding of male attraction to women typically boils down to one aspect; their breast size. While he's intelligent in many areas, this is clearly one of the blind spots on Holt's understanding of the world.
2 Are You Saying My Life Matters Less?...
Captain Holt: Are you saying my life matters less because I don't conform to society's heteronormative, child-centric ideals?Sergeant Jeffords: Are you really playing the gay card right now?Captain Holt: Yas, queen.
Holt is very rarely one to use anything but experience and skill as a metric to gauge someone's character and ability. However, he is not above pulling rank on his officers, and even occasionally pulling out the black or gay card to argue a point.
Holt's character is usually never portrayed in the way most gay men are on television. But those brief moments where he engages in more "stereotypical" behavior make for shocking and hilarious moments on the show, and add new layers to the stiff and reserved Captain.
1 So Thank You
Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place. So thank you.
Despite his more impersonal and professional demeanor, Holt still cares deeply about his detectives. When Terry is racially profiled by another officer, Holt is there to eventually back him up. When Jake, Amy, or Boyle do excellent work on a case, he will let them know he is proud of them. And when Rosa comes out to her family and friends about being bisexual, Holt is there to offer her kind words of encouragement and support. The emotional outreach from Holt is rare, which makes it all the more meaningful when it happens.